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Angry and Upset...
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hey all
Am really sorry to be posting in such a depressing manner again. I really need some advice from you all.
I've been with my boyfriend now for 13 months, I met him online last July and we got together 'properly' in January and have been inseperable ever since. When we can't be together in person we spend all our time on MSN or on the phone.
He is my first love, and the only man I've ever trusted to do anything sexual with before.
Things have been a bit odd between us over the weekend and yesterday - he's been quite quiet and down and not really wanting to talk to anyone, 'except me' so he said.
This afternoon I logged into my e-mail and found a message from him admitting one of our mutual friends had been flirting with him and he'd encouraged it. He admitted he cared about this other girl a lot, but loved me. He said he felt flattered by her attentions and liked it when she said stuff to him. He also said he'd been drinking when he'd been flirting with her. It turns out she's also sent him quite a graphic, sexual e-mail which her fiance has found - she's subsequently been thrown out by him. It's really hurt me because I'm on a downer at the moment, am unwell and am about to see a psych for some outstanding, ongoing mental health issues.
He seems full of remorse - and normally is such a sweet, caring, meek soul who would never harm anyone - but this has really hurt me, and I don't know what to do - we live 200 miles apart. I trusted him implicitly and didn't go into a relationship with him without being totally sure about my feelings. Now I'm confused and I don't know what to do - do I give him another chance or do I finish it with him now?
Any advice would be gratefully appreciated
Thank you
Love cavegirl
xxx
Am really sorry to be posting in such a depressing manner again. I really need some advice from you all.
I've been with my boyfriend now for 13 months, I met him online last July and we got together 'properly' in January and have been inseperable ever since. When we can't be together in person we spend all our time on MSN or on the phone.
He is my first love, and the only man I've ever trusted to do anything sexual with before.
Things have been a bit odd between us over the weekend and yesterday - he's been quite quiet and down and not really wanting to talk to anyone, 'except me' so he said.
This afternoon I logged into my e-mail and found a message from him admitting one of our mutual friends had been flirting with him and he'd encouraged it. He admitted he cared about this other girl a lot, but loved me. He said he felt flattered by her attentions and liked it when she said stuff to him. He also said he'd been drinking when he'd been flirting with her. It turns out she's also sent him quite a graphic, sexual e-mail which her fiance has found - she's subsequently been thrown out by him. It's really hurt me because I'm on a downer at the moment, am unwell and am about to see a psych for some outstanding, ongoing mental health issues.
He seems full of remorse - and normally is such a sweet, caring, meek soul who would never harm anyone - but this has really hurt me, and I don't know what to do - we live 200 miles apart. I trusted him implicitly and didn't go into a relationship with him without being totally sure about my feelings. Now I'm confused and I don't know what to do - do I give him another chance or do I finish it with him now?
Any advice would be gratefully appreciated
Thank you
Love cavegirl
xxx
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Comments
It's horrible when your partner is unfaithful though, so I'd like to add myself to the list of people you can PM if you need a chat. :wave:
Take care of you.
That's a bit unfair.
I've been out with 6 girls and all but one (the current one) have cheated on me.
In my circle of friends only one of the guys has cheated (out of about 15 or so) but every girl has cheated at least once. Doesn't make me think all girls are cheaters.
Anyway, it's up to you if you want to continue or not. It could have been alot worse mind you....
You misunderstand me. Not all men are cheaters, but they will always find some way of upsetting you and hurting you, intentional or unintentional.
And vice versa - no one goes through life without hurting someone ... sad but true.
But don't make it seem like its a one way thing ... it happens just as often to guys as it does to girls.
I tried to call him last night, but he was ignoring my messages. Then I got an e-mail saying 'I'm sorry, I just can't talk to you, I despise myself...etc etc etc'...then saying he was going out to a friends for the night....wow, he despises himself so much he's had to go out to see friends...I've been stewing with anger, upset and resentment for 24 hours now and not been able to get rid of any of it, meanwhile he's taken the cowards way out and decided to ignore me...he's the one who's caused the trouble and he won't face up to it...
and it's not fair, because I still love him despite all this and I don't want to - I want to hate him but I can't.
:crying:
I'd say don't throw it away. Why?
He hasn't cheated on you.
He admitted it without you confronting him.
He sounds genuinely remorseful.
The most important thing is that he hasn't cheated on you. It's not nice to see your partner get tempted by another, but he hasn't succombed to that temptation, and that means you have a strong basis for the future.
But only if you can see that he hasn't cheated, and that he is trustworthy. If you can't then you won't go anywhere.
Of course he's gone out with his friends, that is exactly what friends are for. You should do it too.
Just go with your heart...
good luck
Again, thank you for so many replies...really appreciate the support you guys have given me.
We spoke last night for about 2.5 hours. I know my boyf and I know when he's lying to me. I think this girl has been harassing him and he's just not been able to tell her to f off. He sent me the e-mail that she'd sent to him, and it was the kind of thing that someone who is stalking someone else would send.
I also found out that he didn't go out with his mates either, he stayed in and hid away - he said every time I rang and left a message he died inside.
So we've patched things up and are working through the problem - but the thing is I really want to tackle our 'friend' about what she's done...I really want to hurt her like she's hurt me. Is that bad?
no, but if you try to hurt her it will be stooping to her level, like the level she stooped to when trying it on with a man who has a girlfriend.
Resist the temptation, it will piss her off more in the long run that she didnt get any attention and commotion from it :thumb:
Well, that's me gone and stooped to her level then. I dunno - I was just so angry this morning. I sent her a message, which she ignored - knew she'd read it, but just ignored it - so I've sent another one which she hasn't seen yet.
Maybe I should've waited till I'd calmed down a bit, but I just felt like I needed to point some anger in her direction...
no they're not. as much as they may have made me cry or anything, they're no worse than us girls.
eta: did he really think e-mail was the best way to tell you this?!
well said
Just another quick update. I tackled t'other woman about what happened - but she's still ignoring me and has been back in touch with boyf again. He is ignoring her and tells me he doesn't want anything to do with her.
I'm not going to get in touch with her again. I've made my point and will leave it at that - unless she gets in touch with me.
As for me and boyfy - things seemed to be ok last night, we talked as we always do and I really honestly reckon now I've calmed down that he has done absolutely nothing wrong - apart from maybe be a bit naive about how this other girl felt about him....
Thanks again for all your advice and support on this - I really appreciate it.
Love from cavegirl
xx