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long distance relationship
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I have been going out with my girlfriend for 5 years and we have had to spend much of that time living in each others countries to make things work. I decided last year to move to her country on a permanent basis but explained that in order to do this I had to work in my own country for a year and clear all debts and tie loose ends up.
We have met for brief holidays during this time but I have not seen her since January. Over the last months I have noticed a desperation in her for me to move over quicker which I explained I just could not do for medical and financial reasons. She has also been questioning why I have not proposed after 5 years.
I intened to move in September but after a heated argument 2 weeks ago she called me in tears telling me I had taken too long since seeing her last and I had hurt her too much. She tells me she wants to take time to make sure if she still wants to make our relationship work with all the obstacles stacked against us.
I totally see her point as I too have had doubts about leaving my home. The problem is that we still love each other but she does not want to see me until she has got her head right.
I guess Im looking advice as to what to do next. I do love her and want to be with her forever but I am worried she is expecting too much of me. Should I visit her and surprise her and tell her how I feel or should I let her call me when she is ready?
Im worried that we now are not speaking that we will just drift apart which neither of us want.
I would appreciate any advice or help anyone can offer
We have met for brief holidays during this time but I have not seen her since January. Over the last months I have noticed a desperation in her for me to move over quicker which I explained I just could not do for medical and financial reasons. She has also been questioning why I have not proposed after 5 years.
I intened to move in September but after a heated argument 2 weeks ago she called me in tears telling me I had taken too long since seeing her last and I had hurt her too much. She tells me she wants to take time to make sure if she still wants to make our relationship work with all the obstacles stacked against us.
I totally see her point as I too have had doubts about leaving my home. The problem is that we still love each other but she does not want to see me until she has got her head right.
I guess Im looking advice as to what to do next. I do love her and want to be with her forever but I am worried she is expecting too much of me. Should I visit her and surprise her and tell her how I feel or should I let her call me when she is ready?
Im worried that we now are not speaking that we will just drift apart which neither of us want.
I would appreciate any advice or help anyone can offer
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Comments
She may be worried about seeing you because if she can't see you for a while after that it's very emotionally stressful to say goodbye when you don't know when you'll see them next (I know from experience )
We have spoken a lot of times about this and I always seem to be the one who has to be positive for her and it is actually me who has to leave everything behind which I must admit I get v frustrated about. She keeps reminding me that she has made the effort to be with me while I was at uni years ago which is true.
I think she has maybe just lost the motivation to make the effort to make it work having been alone for so long.
All i can sugest now is to keep talking. maybe at some point you will both feel like you should get back together, maybe you will feel at some point that you both want to part company for good. But just realise, it's a lot more painful to lose a friend as well as a partner, than just a partner.
sorry if this doesn't make much sense.
I have resisted the temptation now for 3 weeks to call and have only replied to a text message which she sent me. I would love more than anything to travel and visit her but I just feel deep down that she might need time to realise what she may be giving up on for herself. On the other hand she may be waiting for me to call her as I was kinda cold with her the last time we spoke.
5 years just seems a bit too long to be ended by 1 phone call which was really a result of an argument. Anyone agree?
She may be testing the waters a bit,seeing if your really serious about the relationship.She might actually want you to contact her but said didnt because she wanted to make out that things were a bit dire between you and her.So maybe shes secretly hoping you will cnotact her to prove you love her?
I dont know im probably wrong...woman are funny creatures
I cant say for sure that she doesnt WANT to move on but she says that if we lived close by then there would be no problem and all her doubts are about the physical gap between us.
if you have put off visiting her then she would have been very frustrated with the situation and maybe she couldnt handle it emotionally.
you need to visit her and let her know how much you want to be with her until you can finally go live with her.
She still gave no hint that she wanted to see me or that she was doubting her decision but admitted she really wanted to phone me earlier this week. I suppose I gave no direct indication of how I was feeling either - probably because she already knows! Later on I got a strange text message from her sister who I havent had any contact with in like a year saying that everyone was missing me and I was like her brother.
I just cant bring myself to fly all the way across the world (and I do mean all the way!) to find she needs time or actually wants to move on. Is loving someone enough reason to go to any length to be with them? Should I just accept whats happening and let things work themselves out either way?