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Ex-partner problems
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Ok, I got a bit of a problem.
I broke up with my ex partner of a year over 2 months ago. When we started going out it was great - it had been the first time he fell in love and the first time he let someone get to know him fully. He told me he loved me a few months into the relationship and I felt the same. Shortly after that, I had an argument with my parents, and, in my crazy state, rang him and told him that I didn't love him anymore. He was obviously gutted and torn inside.
He became violent and mentally abusive to me, didn't pay me attention, didn't care. I knew it wasn't going to work out, and I tried to leave the relationship lots of times, in which he would pull me back in, saying he couldn't do without me, loved me, etc. He minipulated things and made them out to be my fault most of the time, which, in turn made me stay. This dragged on for a number of months. Then enough was enough and I finally left him feeling used and like shit.
He then told me recently that he had cheated three times with three different women. I was gutted. He said the reason for this was because I told him I didn't love him that time. I understand how I made him feel by making the mistake of telling him I didn't love him even tho I did, but he could have broken up with me before seeing other people. I even asked him if he was cheating - as I suspected but he said no, ill never do it, etc. I have been honest and totally faithful in the relationship, although I was very very unhappy, I stuck with him until I couldn't take anymore.
I haven't spoken to him since, but he has been bombarding me with e-mails, messgaes and stuff. Luckily he hasn't been phoning me as I blocked and changed my number.
I was angry and very bitter, but im not anymore. He sent me an e-mail saying that he is sorry, he know he has done wrong, and that he wants forgiveness. He also says that he can change, and that he wants to get my trust again. I would never go back out with him, but in terms of friendship, I don't know what to do. I have not spoken to him for about 2 months - I have ignored his e-mails and messages, and he says he can't take it anymore.
Thing is, I don't trust him enough to build up a friendship with him. Under no circumstances will I give him my mobile number or tell him where I live (I have recently moved), so I don't see it happening!! But in some other way, I still want to just make sure he is ok. I dont know if this makes sense, and I don't know what to do.
Any suggestions/comments will be good. Thanks.
I broke up with my ex partner of a year over 2 months ago. When we started going out it was great - it had been the first time he fell in love and the first time he let someone get to know him fully. He told me he loved me a few months into the relationship and I felt the same. Shortly after that, I had an argument with my parents, and, in my crazy state, rang him and told him that I didn't love him anymore. He was obviously gutted and torn inside.
He became violent and mentally abusive to me, didn't pay me attention, didn't care. I knew it wasn't going to work out, and I tried to leave the relationship lots of times, in which he would pull me back in, saying he couldn't do without me, loved me, etc. He minipulated things and made them out to be my fault most of the time, which, in turn made me stay. This dragged on for a number of months. Then enough was enough and I finally left him feeling used and like shit.
He then told me recently that he had cheated three times with three different women. I was gutted. He said the reason for this was because I told him I didn't love him that time. I understand how I made him feel by making the mistake of telling him I didn't love him even tho I did, but he could have broken up with me before seeing other people. I even asked him if he was cheating - as I suspected but he said no, ill never do it, etc. I have been honest and totally faithful in the relationship, although I was very very unhappy, I stuck with him until I couldn't take anymore.
I haven't spoken to him since, but he has been bombarding me with e-mails, messgaes and stuff. Luckily he hasn't been phoning me as I blocked and changed my number.
I was angry and very bitter, but im not anymore. He sent me an e-mail saying that he is sorry, he know he has done wrong, and that he wants forgiveness. He also says that he can change, and that he wants to get my trust again. I would never go back out with him, but in terms of friendship, I don't know what to do. I have not spoken to him for about 2 months - I have ignored his e-mails and messages, and he says he can't take it anymore.
Thing is, I don't trust him enough to build up a friendship with him. Under no circumstances will I give him my mobile number or tell him where I live (I have recently moved), so I don't see it happening!! But in some other way, I still want to just make sure he is ok. I dont know if this makes sense, and I don't know what to do.
Any suggestions/comments will be good. Thanks.
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Comments
If i was you, i'd try and keep him out of my life as obviously he has hurt you in so many ways whether he had reason or not.
Its always hard to forget someone like that though.
Maybe you should just have some time away, and then when things have calmed down you could think about being friends just so you know that things are ok with him.
Problem is with friendship is it could lead to finding feelings for him again...
But i guess its a risk you have to take.
Life is too short to hold grudges so just wait a bit and then see how you feel. Hes either part of your life or not.
thanks again!
He had also admitted cheating on 3 accounts with 3 different women. As you said, he could of easily split with you as appose to go out and cheat. It almost seems like he was trying to belittle you, make you feel unwanted and worthless, treat you badly, cheat on you and run you down into the ground to get revenge. Yes he was hurting...but still, there are otherways forward as appose to all the options he decided to take.
I can understand you still wanting to check up and see if he's ok. Your situation is reminiscent to one I had a few years back which turned abusive and violent when I decided to call off our relationship, which a month later began again. And I was fool for taking him back, but it didn't stop me thinking of him, wanting to know what was happening in his life. I think you should send a final email. Saying that you hope he's ok, but you can never trust him again. That you didn't deserve to be demoralised and treated with so little respect and care, and that it's time you finally called it a day and both moved on, as nothing will come of it. You can't trust him, and you shouldn't. Having a final farewell, in a distanced form i.e. email, will help you to move on from that episode of your life.
Malt x
It seems to me that you know in you heart that you don't want to be his friend. I think you just need to let him go. Perhaps you could email him back and tell him how you feel... that you can't be friends, but that you forgive him and wish him the best of luck in the future.
And also remember to use full stops and capital letters at beginnings of sentances as it makes what you're saying a lot clearer to read.
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