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Girlfriend's Past
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hey, i haven't been a member here very long, but I feel that i can ask for everybody's opinion on this:
i have been going out with this girl for about two months, and we're very comfortable with each other, but there have been some things bothering me. I know that for probably a little over a year she fell in with a crowd that was pretty into smoking pot, and that she hung out with alot of people who were older than her (we are both 16), and she was really into the whole being-high-all-the-time mentality and the life that goes along with it.
I don't know if it was around this time that she lost her virginity or not, but i know that at the time she was pretty sexually active. before going out with me, she began to hang out with that crowd alot less, she quit smoking, and kinda settled down a bit, but it still really bothers me that i dont know what kinda people she was with and that kinda thing for that period, for all i know she could've slept with 30 people, and although i wouldn't look down on her for that, i feel that its something that i should know because she is really only my second serious girlfriend.
i don't know if i should ask her, or how i would ask her, but the topic is continously brought up in my mind because she talks quite often about the people she was hanging out with at the time...so if you guys could please give me some opinons, cause im really at a loss for what to do.
thanks alot.
i have been going out with this girl for about two months, and we're very comfortable with each other, but there have been some things bothering me. I know that for probably a little over a year she fell in with a crowd that was pretty into smoking pot, and that she hung out with alot of people who were older than her (we are both 16), and she was really into the whole being-high-all-the-time mentality and the life that goes along with it.
I don't know if it was around this time that she lost her virginity or not, but i know that at the time she was pretty sexually active. before going out with me, she began to hang out with that crowd alot less, she quit smoking, and kinda settled down a bit, but it still really bothers me that i dont know what kinda people she was with and that kinda thing for that period, for all i know she could've slept with 30 people, and although i wouldn't look down on her for that, i feel that its something that i should know because she is really only my second serious girlfriend.
i don't know if i should ask her, or how i would ask her, but the topic is continously brought up in my mind because she talks quite often about the people she was hanging out with at the time...so if you guys could please give me some opinons, cause im really at a loss for what to do.
thanks alot.
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Comments
i know it's always nice to know but it's not crucial but if you ask you may end up ruining your relationship. If you wanna ask, play it by ear???
yes i agree the past is the past dude, just let it be. What she does NOW is all that matters....unless of course if you'd suspect her having an std or drug problem etc
this kinda thing does seem worse to the partner with less 'history' but remember that although you havent got that much history now, you will have one day....and if u see a start seeing a girl who questions what you've done in the past i doubt you'd be too impressed?
So my advice is to bring it up and have a deep talk with each other.There isn't any point trying to avoid hurting her.To be honest I don't see why she would be offended.She talks about it anyway so its only right to also show interest in what she tells you by asking questions.
Knowing a person's past can tell you alot about the eprson generally.
For example if your partner had experienced a painful time because her parents were divorced.Ok so its in the past but say it were my boyfriend I think it would be something great to share.It will give me feeling that he trusts me. Also,I werent there for him and for him to tell me will be like he is sharing his grief with me although its over but it is including me into his life.
Do you get what I mean???
So ask.If problems arise then sort it. A problem shouldnt arise just because you are curious.
I agree with CHEEKy here, she's obviously not trying to hide anything if she talks about it, and if you've got questions you might as well ask them because it's good to have a really open relationship and not be curious about things.
Just as long as you make clear, like you have here, that you're not going to change your opinion about her just because of her past, then she should be fine with it. Maybe she even wants you to ask things because she keeps bringing up the topic.
But then again, like the others have said, the past is the past, don't take whatever she says too seriously so that it spoils your relationship. Good luck with whatever you decide to do <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif">
I think it's perfectly natural to be curious about the history of the person you're sexually involved with, but before you start asking a barrage of questions, make sure you can handle the answers. Women are pretty open, and they will share with you, but this level of trust can close down just as quickly as it opened if she notices you cringing or getting jealous when she responds to your questions.
if you do talk to her about this, don't be judgemental about it. she was a different person then and it seems like you've had a good effect on her. don't let something you can't change affect what could be a very special relationship.
good luck.
my boyfriend and i had this conversation about 3 months into our relationship and it was a bit difficult, but it REALLY made us closer to eachother.
don't pressure her into talking about anything she doesn't want to, and don't make her regret she told you <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif">