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Confidence
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
After the other night of talking with some girls pretty much all night I wanted to figure out what I'm doing wrong.
When I talk to girls it seems like I always take it too far and become friends with them.
The girls I was talking to said it's because I don't have enough confidence in myself to know when another girl likes me. I use to think it was just because I wasn't good HOT looking, but the ones I was talking to told me they'd rather have a guy like me who's not way into himself and stuff.
How can I start to build this confidence or just learn to stay far enough way for them to want me.
When I talk to girls it seems like I always take it too far and become friends with them.
The girls I was talking to said it's because I don't have enough confidence in myself to know when another girl likes me. I use to think it was just because I wasn't good HOT looking, but the ones I was talking to told me they'd rather have a guy like me who's not way into himself and stuff.
How can I start to build this confidence or just learn to stay far enough way for them to want me.
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What im thinking is kind of hard to put into words, probably because im not quite sure what im thinking, but more to the point it goes something like: act interested in them, flirt with their friends and pretend you dont actually want any of them, then you can take your pick lol - be sure to put in the move early though, or you'll fall into the old friendship rut - I know that one all too well.
Practice makes perfect though, go for the wounded zebra the first few times, which is always a good confidence builder, then you can start nailing the prime choices...the 'wounded zebras' and 'prime choices' are different for everyone, its up to your personal taste :thumb:
What a load of drivel. Just as all women say they don't want a misogynistic chauvinist, you suggest that men start acting like James Bond in order to pull. Err, maybe not, eh?
I think your mates are pretty accurate, tbh. To have a decent thing going you need to talk to girls, and be interested in them, and be yourself around them. But you need to have the confidence to say "sod it", hold them and kiss them. If you arse about waiting for the signal the signal will come ten times, you'll miss it each time, and the girl will start fancying someone else.
I am sick and tired of this myth that "nice guys finish last", and that only bastards pull. It is simply not the case. Being loving and tender and caring is a very good thing to be, it is what cements a relationship. But there does have to be a spark there too, you have to be interesting. If you always say yes it's boring, sycophants are boring, people want a partner not a puppy. Nice guys don't finish last at all- guys whose only trait is nice do.
Being a bastard doesn't work. Being super-confident works in nightclubs, but its amazing how quickly word of being a shit spreads, and having half the women in a nightclub thinking you're a cunt is not good for meeting people.
You're talking extremes here, just because someone it outwardly chauvinistic doesn't mean they're a wanker. Being caring and sensitive might be an ok strategy with some birds, especially emotional ones/on the rebound etc, but if you're after proper sorts, or if you're not exactly 'top-drawer' yourself, relying on the attitude he's suggesting is the best idea.
I've been out drinking with people who know how to pull women, models and the like. The chauvinist attitude is the way to do it, if done correctly. Understanding primal psychology is the key to proper success with women.
Being a tosspot doesn't get you anywhere though. You have to be humble whilst being "alpha male", or whatever wanky term was used.
Kermit what is tbh?
And as a lady, what kind of signals and hints should I be looking for?
you have just said exactly what matt meant imo
no they don't.
sorry to join in here but the lack of females forced me!
surely the point is to be yourself rather than trying to be what you think the girls want. it might mean that it takes longer to 'pull' but when you do it will be because that person likes the real you not the person you are trying to be. corny - but true.
You'd certainly be surprised if I used what I learned at self-defence classes.
I think that approach is very creepy, not only that, but I'd think you were using the 'paper stuck to foot' line in order to distract me so you could try and take my bag or something.
Well, now that you mention it...
Well I'm very flattered to be considered alpha male;)
I met my wife by being caring and sensitive. I kept her by being caring and sensitive.
The problem is not "niceness" is it being boring. It depends what you mean by "alpha male" really, if you consider anyone who will say no sometimes and will be funny as "alpha male" then there is a lot of us. Basically I think you keep people by being caring and kind, but also by not being a doormat.
I doubt I would. I expect to get kneed in the balls. My wife would do that to any bloke who does that:D
I can honestly imagine from a womens point of view that, they would all disagree and say " no, we are not like that! " and i can see why you would feel as though thats not the truth, but its more complex, for a man, what he has to do to 'pull', for him to be higher then the rest of the men on your list or who are knockin about.he'll feel as though your so gorgeous he'll want you and that if he doesnt impress then you will just swan off and easily pick up some other guy.
im not saying this is the whole story, because i know its not and im no physcologist, but i am a lad, and im going through things like this, so please try and understand where me and matt have been comming from, its a complex system to be honest, no one will really ever get there head round it i imagine.
No, it's not a good thing.
Become too much of a friend and you stop being a sexual being.
It's normally pretty obvious. If you want to believe it, and have the confidence to do something about it, then you can't not notice.
There is something in the bastards get the girls, but of course its not as simple as that women, like confident men and usually they like or go through a long stage of liking bad boys, so that combination rather than a "bastard" is more sucessfull, Alpha Beta male this is generally bollox, its the only times Iv heard people mention this is women deciding whos alpha and beta and theres no such thing realy it depends on the situation, and their current status, rather than their inaliable superoirity.
I think some ones been reeding a "how to get laid" book, I read a few (downloaded free only) and theres a couple of nuggets of good advice there but its in a lot of shit.
But just talking nicely friendly to women this is all well in say a work or professional conversation, you want to be a bit racy in a night club and flirty, ask about them whilst coming with a funny lines or a bit of flirtation, if its not working ask them to dance or tell them their gorgeous then if you get a fuck off at least you dont have yto wast any more time there.
I think thats an over simplication and youve been reading too much of such books, different women like different things the only way to be an "alpha male" is to be a leader even of a social group or like Bill Clinton was president but take bill clinton out of the presedency and put him on a ranch with tough cowboys he ceases to be the alpha male. So theres not an Alpha male as such that women like in that way its status, being the best DJ in a club or of course a priemership footbller this is what gets them going, or even if everyone knows you and has good things to say ,Status . I would look at being confident and at ease rather than "Alpha" is the way to go try a bad boy attitude its easier to aquire than a mythic Alpha male status but uyouve got to be good and carefull with that like being a tough guy.
Im actually thinking of a specific party I went to a few years ago with a load of bitchy women who were quite fit and full of them selves , could have been the same eminem before none of them would have gone with him after he famous they all would straight away, anybody going to tell me thats not true,
He hasnt suddenly become alpha whats happened is their perception of him has changed see.
I don't like the terminology Matt is using, and I think he is being far far too simplistic, but in order to pull you need to be confident. I don't think confidence has to come in James Bond packaging, but if you piss about waiting to be asked for a kiss you'll be waiting a very very long time.
To get a good relationship you need to be friends I think. But if you are too friendly before you move the relationship to the sexual level then it won't happen, you become like a brother not a lover. The key is the balance.
Thats all good if yopuve got lots of people round you trying to talk to you and they all think their cool, the only people who have this have to have more than their personality, ie being the hardest the best at something (best player on a football team) a mafia member.
If you try and act like "Always wanted/busy and ends conversations tc first" if its just you and a mate in a club how are you going to pull that off what !
"an aura surrounds his presence" oh fuck off , how do you get an aura thats such bollox, an aura surrounds bill clinton cause he used to be president you go to a room with him there and theres one of the most famous formally most powerfull man in the world, now thats a fucking aura, not his personality, you cant acuire an aura.
"he's hard to please, unemotional" Ummmmm
Try my attitude for pulling much better,
He's friendly, funny starts conversations when appropiate and knows whan to end them, acts a bit naughty bit of a lad but not too silly,
Is confident will go up to a girl and talk to her ask her to dance, is also a bit of a tough guy, a bit dangerous and mysterious.
you go with your attitude unless your famous then yould end up acting a bit of a arogent twat
But that is exactly why all that drivel about "alpha male" is exactly that: drivel.
I haven't changed that much since I was 16. But I have confidence now because I'm married, I don't care if people find me attractive or not. So I keep getting eyed up more. Guess that's life.
Yeah I suspose thats about it,
"Freedom flows it comes and it goes"
You don't half talk crap.
In a nice way.
Nah, you just think you do.
As always, it depends what exactly you mean. If you always back away from sexual contact and flirting then you won't get anywhere, either she won't notice you sexually or she'll get bored of waiting.
But "attractive body language" is a nonsense term. It means precisely squat.