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men and trust.

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
in Sex & Relationships
how can i learn to trust men???
i have had a lot of problems in the past; which has created this problem. but, it is something i seem to have serious issues with all the time. i behave so differently around guys than i do around girls. its pretty fucked up i know. but it affects me on a day to day basis. like i expect a guy to want to do nothing more than to have sex with me. or if i'm on my own with a guy, i'll try and make up some excuse to leave. its so stupid, and i feel so pathetic wrt this. in fact, i think it's like i see them as "objects" (for want of a better word) that in all probability want to hurt me or as "sex objects" (not that i want sex with them at all). indeed this is so irrational - and i know that. but even when i'm telling myself that, it doesn't seem to help. i mean, i know ALL men are not trustworthy or are not not trustworthy. and i do REALLY want to do something about it. but i don't know how to?!
so any advice on such a fucked up topic wba. thanks. :)
otter.

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i've been the same since i got dumped when i hadnt even done anything wrong....i just cant see myself trusting a guy with my happiness again for a long time......i take it you've been hurt in the past? Maybe just give it time and try to make friends with a few guys? Just friends, nothing more....since i got dumped ive made good friends with 1 or 2 guys. And i know they dont want anything more....they're really not all that bad if you find the right ones. It's just finding them that's the trick!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I totally understand how you feel as i have been through it myself after splitting with fiance. I became convinced that every guy was like him and couldn't trust anyone so i didn't let myself get attached to anyone. As a result i was used by every bloke i met as they thought i was just after a good time! Eventually i met my current boyf and though it took me ages to trust him, i did and we have the better relationship for having to work on it. I think it helps if the bloke undertsands you have these issues, if he's really worth anything he will work through it with you! xx
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i think you might have some underlying problems regarding trust, have you seen a doctor or anything for a talk
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I have this problem as well, find it quite hard to trust most men, most people come to think of it...
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i know you had all that other stuff with the uni and counselling etc but have you ever seen someone like a psycho-sexual therapist...or any other type of counsellor besides the uni ones?

    i think it would help you move forward from everything you have been through in the past - until that is delt with, you probably won't be able to move forward properly.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    nicebutdim23 wrote:
    a psycho-sexual therapist
    what is a "psycho-sexual therapist?!"
    i think i'd find it very hard to trust another counsellor after what happened with the university counselling service though tbh. i mean, most of the time if someone mentions "counselling" as just a word i end up crying.
    nicebutdim23 wrote:
    i think it would help you move forward from everything you have been through in the past.
    that is all i want to do. i'm not having much sucsess on my own. :(
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