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honesty

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
in Sex & Relationships
what if u asked yur b/f of 5 months at the start of the relationship if he had ever cheated on any of his g/f's and said no then u found out that he did off one of his friends he cheated on his ex g/f with, you confront him and he tells you he lied coz he was scared to he would lose me, which was true if i found out at the start he cheated on any of his g/f's i wouldn't have gone out with him. what annoy's me the most i get in trouble off him if i am not honest and upfront. yet hes not affraid to lie to my face but hes affraid to tell the truth.
now his ex lived 9hrs away which was stupid to start a relationship that far away if u were going to cheat. now when i confronted him i told him everything on how i felt. and that i refused to put up with this kind of stuff again coz i had enought of it with my ex. now would u think it would be worth continuing? i know i love him. it just i don't know what to think of him i ve lost a bit of respect because he lied it reminded me of my ex's lies and what i went through.

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I dont think you should give up on him after 5 months, so he told alittle lie, you need to sit down and talk to him and explain that you are there to be spoken to and that he shouldnt feel scared but should feel that you want to listen and that he can trust you. You will then have to remember that if he does tell you something you dont like or you dis-agree with that you have to comfort him anyway... well unless its that he cheated on you then i'd smack him one! lol

    I think that everyone makes mistakes that you should just forgive him this time but you should ask him now if there are any more secrets that you arent aware of as you dont want him to lie to you, but you want him to respect you...

    Hope it goes ok x
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    most people aren't proud of the fact they cheated and thus try not to talk about it if they can get away with it. if he knew you would chuck him for a past mistake not even with you then im not suprised he with-held the info.

    just coz he cheated on her doesnt mean he will cheat on you.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i wouldn't worry too much. he was no doubt ashamed and well if he'd have told you, would you have got together? no doubt you're glad you got together and are happy.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I wouldn't worry at all. He obviously did it because he was scared to tell you, its no excuse for not telling the truth but we all do it...don't we?

    When I first got with my boyfriend he was afraid to tell me how old he was and had me believing that he was a year older than he is for a week or two. I found out and confronted him and he said that he didn't think that I'd have gone out with him if I'd known he was a year younger.

    We laugh about it now but maybe he's right, maybe I would have thought twice about it adn I wouldn't have the amazing relationship which I have now. Think of your situation like that. You say that you wouldn't have gone out with him if you'd known that he'd cheated on a past girlfriend. If you'd have known then you wouldn't have had the 5 months that you have had.

    If you do love him then the past is the past an its really not worth making a big deal of. Just tell him how much you hate lying and make him promise not to do it again.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    chickychick he probably lied for a number of reasons, shame, guilt and not wanting to lose you. Your 5 months in, if you have no reason to believe he's cheating on you it should be fine. Maybe you should talk about honesty though. My fiancee lied to me a while back, which confused and hurt me. I'm still not sure of the truth. I met one of his exes and hated her and she hated me. I asked if he'd ever had sex with her (cause the thought revolts me), he said no. Then i got him drunk and he said yes. A few months later it came up and he said no. I asked him whu he was lying, he said he hadn't slept with her but thought i'd heard differently and didn't want to appear to be lying. Confusing huh? Lets just say we had a little discussion about honesty and now we tell eachother everything.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I would be upset that he lied but i wouldn't let it ruin everything. Things happen peolpe aren't always up front when you want them to be. You just have to tell them they made a mistake how to correct and what will happen if they do it again. There are things I haven't told my boyfriend but not b/c i'm a liar just b/c it hasn't come up. could it be something like that
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    my boyfriend would have cheated on his ex with me but never got the chance (long distance) but still text me dirty things etc etc for months when he was still with her cos apparently 'things were bad between them' for ages, which doesnt really make it okay. he ended up leaving her for me, and i'm paranoid he'd do the same to me if things got bad (which sometimes they are), even though he swears he'd never do that to me, i guess thats what he was tellin her aswell...

    sorry a bit of a rant there about ME! :rolleyes:

    talk to him and explain how you feel, you need to know why he felt he need to cheat on his ex and the situation may well be different with you. don't throw a relationship away on this, if you love each other can trust each other then it should be okay :)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Given your reaction, hon, he was right to lie about it.
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