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boyfriend's impotence
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
im 18 years old, in a relationship of about a year and 9 months with a 22 year old. everything's wonderful in the relationship apart from my boyfriend's impotence. i use this term to mean that more often than not he can't get an erection that's hard enough for us to have sex. sometimes nothing at all. recently, things have been worse to the point that he really can't get an erection at all (my fault: i booked us a weekend away thinking that being away from home, just the two of us might make things better.it backfired) and now im feeling like i just can't cope with it. i listen to my friends talking about sex and feel so jealous, and hate lying about my lack of a sex life. i hate telling my boyfriend it's ok, that it doesn't bother me. recently i brought up the idea of seeing a doctor about things, he got very upset by the idea but agreed it would be good...but it hasn't been mentioned since and i don't think he'll go. he seems in denial about things sometimes, if we are sometimes able to have sex for a few minutes he'll kiss me and talk about our "wonderful" sex life.it would break his heart for me to say otherwise but sex is such an important thing for me, at my worst points i feel torn between my selfish side wishing i had a "normal" sex life and hating myself for being so superficial....is it fair to persuade him to go to the doctor or do i need to get things into perspective and focus on the other parts of my relationship?
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Can he ever get erections or is it just when you want to have sex that he can't? Does he have any medical problems?
i have a feeling that viagra doesnt actually work if its a pyscho-sexual problem, doing the test asserts whether its that or a physical problem. you are doing everything u can but this does need sorting. at 22 its really really rare for impotence to be permenant, so he needs to face up to it.
i know you dont want to put pressure on him but i think he does need to know how unhappy he is making you
Impotence
Viagra
SEx therapy
The erectile dysfunction institute is also crammed with info and links to doctors etc.
I hope some of this helps you - and your boyf! Good luck with it
this is complicated.i know about the 'morning erection' test and he does get erections in the morning.thing is i still don't think they're as hard as an erection should be although my boyfriend doesn't seem to realise this.its been a problem since he was 18 so i feel like his concept of what's 'normal' has changed now...a slight erection is a big deal for him now.
doctors appointment booked for monday.exciting to finally get some answers...i know a few of you have asked whether its psychological or sexual but its not so clear cut as one or the other i don't think.
thank you for all the replies...now im just trying not to get too scared about the near future.at 18 years old i don't feel anywhere near mature enough to try and give the support i need to.the 18months have been hard enough (excuse the pun ) and i know it's about to potentially get a lot tougher.one of the main difficulties for me has not being able to speak to a single person about this- i talk to my boyfriend to an extent but imagine, you're sat there unable to get an erection feeling like a complete failure the last thing you need to hear is how upsetting it is for your girlfriend aswell.so talking to you lot has been a real relief
ps. nicebutdim is the stamp test truly what doctors ask you to do???
pps.thank you for the website links, sadly ive already spent hours trawling through them.sometimes knowledge is power but other times it's so depressing
its an idea to see if itmight help or something
it wasnt a random knee-jerk foolish post
it was an idea to see if anything could be helped
6 months later, I met my current girlfriend. I was in a much healthier state of mind and had far fewer worries in my life anyway than when I was with my ex, but even so I thought 'fuck this, it's not happening again'. I bought some Cialis from a company in India over the net. It's like Viagra, only it stays in the blood longer, takes less time to become active, and works with alcohol (aparently). The first night she stayed over, I was very nervous. So I popped a pill, and it bloody worked! The second time we had sex, I was a lot more relaxed, but I took 1/4 of a pill anyway. At first nothing happened, and I thought 'oh well, nevermind' and we carried on the foreplay. And it worked again! The third time, I didn't take anything, and all went well.
The secret is to just relax and be confident about it. That's easier said than done if it's gone wrong every time and you're constantly worrying about it, which I was. Hence the pills.
When you breach the subject with your boyfriend, don't be harsh or blunt about it, just say you're concerned about him and you think it's time it got sorted. Unless there's anything physically wrong, he's just getting too nervous to maintain an erection, and once he's got over the 'stage fright', he'll be fine.
When I was going through it I got extremely depressed, and not long after we split up I went on anti-depressants (which I'm now off) because it was completely consuming me and ruining my life. It's very difficult for anybody to understand what a terrible effect it has on your life unless you've been through it, I know my ex never understood just how much it was screwing me up. Don't tell him it's really bothering you, it won't help him and will probably just depress him even more and make it worse.
Anyway, I hope this helped. When I looked around back when it happened to me, I was given a load of mostly useless advice wherever I looked. One of the things I did discover is that it's a common problem amongst guys, and it's shocking how little good advice there is to be found. My doctor was kind, but he just told me to relax.
I would highly recommend the book I mentioned above (search for the author on amazon, you'll find it), and I would highly recommend your boyfriend taking Cialis to get his confidence up and prove that he can do it. Forget all the 'it's a prescription drug you shouldn't take it without a doctors advice' crap, doctors won't prescribe it for a psycological problem like this, even though it worked in my case. I will be mentioning it to my doctor the next time I go. For the sake of legalities, it is technically illegal to import it as I did, and you should read up on all the risks first, because you shouldn't take it with certain medical conditions.
Any questions do ask, I'll try and check back here for a while, including my private messages.
Good luck.
Going to a counselling session can be quite intimidating, but bare with it, and in this instance you may not need to go to very many. When I went the one time, I got the impression that this was one of the more easy to treat problems, as I gather they deal with some pretty heavy stuff a lot of the time.
Glad my post helped, hopefully it'll help others too. There's no need to go through the shit I went through, all it takes is understanding the problem, and a few pills.
hey i just wanted to say that i have the same problem and it sucks. i'm 18 so i can't talk to my friends about it, and i can't talk to my family about it. ive been with a girl for 8 months and i'm hard as a rock with her basically until i get my pants off, then nothing. i was wondering duckfck where did you buy that cialis from, because i've been trying for awhile hoping it wouldn't resort to that but i don't know what else to do... i think my girlfriend thinks its her fault, even though i tell her its not. if anyone knows a reliable source where i could buy some viagra or cialis you would be a lifesaver. please help
viagra's not just prescribed for a physical problem i recently found out.my boyfriend got prescribed a drug to try help him get his confidence back, not because he's got physical problems.
how do you know!!