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I think I'm a spare wheel in my friendship group

ameliawillsharevoiceameliawillsharevoice Posts: 25 Boards Initiate
in Health & Wellbeing
So recently my friend group have been tearing me to shreds about my gender dilemma which has made me realize. They use me as a spare. Can't get a bf? Ask the lesbian and then get mad when I can't anwser. Sad? Vent to the girl who they know was abused. They have even started saying non binary people and trans people just shouldn't exist. My gf is really uncomfortable with what is happening at the moment as she has been called all sorts of names. They only really talk to me if there is literally no one else available and always pounce on my mistakes ( they are all girls btw) people say I'm over drwmatic

Comments

  • Sian321Sian321 Community Manager Posts: 3,296 Boards Guru
    Hi @ameliawillsharevoice , firstly, thank you so much for starting this Boards thread and for opening up as you have. From what you've shared, it sounds like you're going through a really hard time right now, and your friendship group have been making you feel teared to shreds about your gender identity, as well as leaving you feeling used and critiqued. I can imagine that being very painful, and everything that you're feeling right now is entirely valid. You're doing really well to talk about it.

    May I ask, how has this situation been impacting your own thoughts and feelings around your gender-identity? And how often / where do you tend to see these friends?

    We're here to listen with you and explore this together. Thank you so much for your trust in sharing.
  • ameliawillsharevoiceameliawillsharevoice Posts: 25 Boards Initiate
    @Sian321 I will never let anyone affect my gender identity because it is mine. No one can change it. However they make me feel used quite badly and my thoughts have turned to no eating or washing ( really run down) and I see them really often ( I share a school with them and most classes) telling a teacher seems great but I know I wouldn't be believed at all as the "group leader" is top behaviour and always getting awards and I feel relieved people are there and will support me
  • AnonymousToeAnonymousToe Posts: 2,807 Boards Guru
    I’m so sorry, that’s horrible. They don’t sound like very good friends.
    I feel you regarding the leader of it all being “well behaved” - my childhood bully was seen as perfect by my teachers and it made me feel like I was crazy. I hate how manipulative some people can be.

    You just told me that asexual people exist, so I’m gonna come right back and say non-binary and trans people 100% do exist, and there’s nothing wrong with being either of those things. You’re not doing anyone any harm by it and it’s just part of your identity. You’re perfect as you are, and from what I’ve seen of you here you seem like a lovely person.
  • ameliawillsharevoiceameliawillsharevoice Posts: 25 Boards Initiate
    @AnonymousToe Thank you so much! I've tried telling some people and they just laughed at me! Saying that the leader is so lovely and well behaved. It's also nice finding some who believes my gender is a real thing and not something made up
  • SabahSabah Community Manager Posts: 2 Newbie
    ameliawillsharevoice wrote: »
    @Sian321 I will never let anyone affect my gender identity because it is mine. No one can change it. However they make me feel used quite badly and my thoughts have turned to no eating or washing ( really run down) and I see them really often ( I share a school with them and most classes) telling a teacher seems great but I know I wouldn't be believed at all as the "group leader" is top behaviour and always getting awards and I feel relieved people are there and will support me

    It sounds like you have a strong sense of self which is wonderful, but it’s completely understandable that it would have a huge impact on you. You say your thoughts have strayed towards not wanting to eat or not wanting to wash. I’m wondering if you could tell me a little more about how this impacts you on a day to day basis?
  • Ech0Ech0 Community Connector Posts: 182 Helping Hand
    edited January 3
    @ameliawillsharevoice I am so sorry to hear you are experiencing that. It’s makes complete sense to feel hurt and tired when people treat you badly and it doesn’t make you dramatic at all. It is not a reflection of you but rather a lack of care and understanding on their part.

    You deserve to be treated with kindness and respect, and no one has the right to make you feel used or unworthy. You are so strong for recognising your own boundaries, staying true to yourself and refusing to let anyone define or diminish your gender identity. No one can take that away from you. It’s okay to take care of yourself first, to step back from people who hurt you, and to surround yourself with even just a few people who make you feel safe and supported.


    You matter. Your feelings, your thoughts, and your identity are all completely valid, and no one has the right to make you feel otherwise. The world is lucky to have your light in it and I hope you can feel, even just a little, how important you are just for being you. And all of this applies to everyone in this community: you are seen, valued, and cared for as you are.
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