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Life can be so overwhelming
Redemption
Community Connector Posts: 6,260 Master Poster
I think I’m struggling mainly with loneliness, along with my fears, past experiences, and worries about what’s next for me. It’s my last full year here in 2026, which we’re getting close to, and although I remind myself it’s still a while away, it still weighs on me. Even when that time comes, I know there are things I could do to make the transition easier, like building a better life for myself. One thing I really want is a girlfriend, because that would help a lot with my loneliness. I have this community which has helped me feel less alone, more understood, and not like I’m broken, and it’s helped me a lot, but outside of that I only have a few friends and I don’t really go out much. I don’t always know what to do socially, friends might not want to do the same things as me, and I think I’m a bit introverted, so I spend most of my time at home. I know that’s partly my choice and sometimes I just can’t be bothered, but I think I’d feel very different if I had a girlfriend. It’s something I’ve wanted for a long time, but it has to be the right relationship, someone non-judgemental and supportive, because there’s no point being in a bad one, and I want to sort this because I’m really struggling and it’s been tough.
I’ve dealt with setbacks, failures, criticism, self-doubt, and a strong fear of failing, and then actually failing when trying new things, which just proves my fears right. I’ve experienced long-term loneliness, having my feelings dismissed, and ongoing negativity rather than one big traumatic event, and that builds up over time. Recently I’ve realised that what I’m experiencing is likely catastrophic thinking, where I automatically fear the worst. For example, with a new job I worry about making a small mistake and getting sacked, or struggling and losing everything, especially because employers have so much power, particularly during probation, where even a minor issue can mean losing your only income. I had similar fears in college, constantly worrying whether small things would get me kicked out, and I’ve actually faced threats of being kicked out before, which made me feel powerless. The same applies to work and job hunting, where there’s no obligation for anyone to hire you and you can be rejected for tiny reasons, like not making enough eye contact in an interview, or lacking experience or references.
On top of all that, life in general just feels tough at the moment, with the cost of living, everything being so expensive, and constant financial pressure adding even more stress. It often feels like even things that are meant to be simple turn into something hard and frustrating, like technology or everyday tasks, where doing a simple thing online can suddenly become complicated and turn into a really frustrating experience. Even the most basic tasks can feel overwhelming and stressful, and I start worrying that I’ve done something wrong or that things just don’t work the way I need them to. When that happens, I end up questioning myself and whether there’s something wrong with me, and I’ve felt broken for years, like there’s something fundamentally wrong with me and that I mess everything up. Being out of work long term, dealing with family issues, repeated setbacks, and disappointments has all taken a toll on me. People say I should be proud of myself, but I find that really difficult, because I’m constantly afraid of everything going wrong and that whatever I do is never good enough. There’s also so much pressure in life to do well and to have certain things by certain ages or milestones, and stigma around certain struggles or situations, which makes it even harder to talk openly or feel understood. For me as well, home can feel overwhelming at times, and when everything piles up in the same place it just adds to the sense that everything is too much to handle.
I’ve dealt with setbacks, failures, criticism, self-doubt, and a strong fear of failing, and then actually failing when trying new things, which just proves my fears right. I’ve experienced long-term loneliness, having my feelings dismissed, and ongoing negativity rather than one big traumatic event, and that builds up over time. Recently I’ve realised that what I’m experiencing is likely catastrophic thinking, where I automatically fear the worst. For example, with a new job I worry about making a small mistake and getting sacked, or struggling and losing everything, especially because employers have so much power, particularly during probation, where even a minor issue can mean losing your only income. I had similar fears in college, constantly worrying whether small things would get me kicked out, and I’ve actually faced threats of being kicked out before, which made me feel powerless. The same applies to work and job hunting, where there’s no obligation for anyone to hire you and you can be rejected for tiny reasons, like not making enough eye contact in an interview, or lacking experience or references.
On top of all that, life in general just feels tough at the moment, with the cost of living, everything being so expensive, and constant financial pressure adding even more stress. It often feels like even things that are meant to be simple turn into something hard and frustrating, like technology or everyday tasks, where doing a simple thing online can suddenly become complicated and turn into a really frustrating experience. Even the most basic tasks can feel overwhelming and stressful, and I start worrying that I’ve done something wrong or that things just don’t work the way I need them to. When that happens, I end up questioning myself and whether there’s something wrong with me, and I’ve felt broken for years, like there’s something fundamentally wrong with me and that I mess everything up. Being out of work long term, dealing with family issues, repeated setbacks, and disappointments has all taken a toll on me. People say I should be proud of myself, but I find that really difficult, because I’m constantly afraid of everything going wrong and that whatever I do is never good enough. There’s also so much pressure in life to do well and to have certain things by certain ages or milestones, and stigma around certain struggles or situations, which makes it even harder to talk openly or feel understood. For me as well, home can feel overwhelming at times, and when everything piles up in the same place it just adds to the sense that everything is too much to handle.
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Comments
You mentioned that loneliness feels really, really loud right now, and with 2026 feeling ever closer as well as the end of your time here on Community when you turn 26. And you're really wanting to find more social connection in your life, including a non-judgmental, supportive relationship. What steps might help you more deeply nourish the connections you already have with friends? And how would you like to begin your journey toward romantic connection, in a way that feels safe and right for you?
I really hear how intensive and draining it has been to be navigating setbacks, criticism, and self-doubt around a strong fear of failing. The way catastrophic thinking shows up around work, probation, college, and job hunting is so valid especially sense given how powerless you’ve felt when rejection has happened before. Carrying that constant fear of losing everything sounds incredibly heavy and draining, as though you cannot allow yourself to put even one foot wrong. That feels like a lot of pressure and scrutiny. And this too is all taking place within that wider socio-economic context you described of the cost-of-living crisis in the UK, which again I can imagine might compound those feelings of powerlessness, or just how precarious everything feels - as though the security you're working so hard for could slip through your fingers if you make one mistake.
It really struck me too when you said you've felt broken for years. That sounds like a deeply painful belief to have held. When that sense of feeling ‘broken’ shows up, what do you find yourself telling yourself about who you are or what it means?
Thank you @Sian321 I really appreciate you taking the time to understand where I’m coming from. For nourishing the connections I already have with friends, I think things like visiting a pub could help, but to be honest I’ve struggled with that for a while because it’s meant to be something to enjoy, but when it comes to it I often can’t bring myself to. As for beginning a romantic connection, I’m not entirely sure how I’ll build that, I have a few ideas but it all feels hard, maybe dating sites, work though it would need to be appropriate, or finding hobbies where I could meet people, though it’s still uncertain for me. About feeling broken, when I say that I often feel too incapable to do anything, too dumb to do anything, like I’m some bad person, like nothing can fix me, like I’m too thick for anything, or that I can’t do anything right, and I think, am I being too harsh on myself or am I just being realistic on myself? Overall, all of this can feel really heavy and exhausting, but writing this out has helped me start putting words to it.