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Redemption

At home isn’t unbearable, but it can be quite overwhelming in general. My family can be very frustrating at times and can be critical, negative, argue a lot, overreact, and be quite judgemental, which makes it hard to just sit in peace or be left alone. Even simple things like making a phone call can be difficult because I don’t always have privacy, and it can feel harder at the moment because everyone is home based. I’m also judged over small things, like how I eat, with comments being made, and that has been going on for a long time. Living at home really tests my patience, especially after how tough the job search has been.

I also don’t really feel like I can go anywhere privately, as it can feel like I need approval to go out and then explain where I’ve been. That’s difficult because I’m an adult and I’m not doing anything wrong, so I don’t feel I should have to account for everywhere I go. For example, if I were to go on a date, it’s not something I’d want announced or turned into family news, and I’d rather keep things like that private or only share them with one or two trusted family members. I haven’t been on any dates yet, but it’s something I’m thinking about, especially now that I’ve got a job and I’m looking to move forward.

On top of that, I’ve finally got a job after a long period of searching and I’m currently trying to get used to my new role and the routine that comes with it. My struggles haven’t just vanished now that I have a job; they may have improved, but I still have fears and worries, including a fear of going back to square one if things don’t work out. I also go through periods of low mood, which can make me more irritable at times, and while it’s hard, I try not to let my frustration out because I don’t want to escalate things. In the past, when things felt especially stuck, I’ve had dark thoughts, and it’s difficult because I feel my family might misunderstand that, when in reality life can be extremely tough and many people go through periods like that, and even now those worries can sit in the background as I try to move forward and progress.

Verity

Hey @Redemption thanks for sharing this, you've painted a really clear picture of how you feel and what you are going through at home, I imagine it can feel quite sufficating and isolated going through the things you have described. I'm just wondering if you have anyone in your family you can confide in? If you don't feel comfoortable sharing, don't feel pressured.

If you'd like to discuss these 'dark thoughts' you've mentioned, I'm here to listen. It's great that you are using the baords for support and I wat you know that we are here to listen.