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Update
Redemption
Community Connector Posts: 6,217 Master Poster
I started my new job and it’s gone pretty alright so far, and after struggling and venting for so long about not having a job, it does feel good to finally have one, even though it doesn’t fix everything completely. It’s still a step forward and I’ve done something I didn’t think I would, especially before Christmas, which should make it easier to move into another role later on. I’ve updated my programme and they said that in the new year we can look at other options, as there’s nothing wrong with the job itself, just that something closer to home and in a different role might suit me better. For example, I was interviewed for a job at B&M working on the tills, and something like that feels more ideal as a first or second job.
A big struggle for me is worrying about what people think, especially around the stigma of cleaning, and I feel anxious about telling people what I do, even though I know I shouldn’t have to care and that having a job is a privilege. I also feel a lot of pressure to have a good career and to know exactly what I’m doing with my life, which adds to the stress. Even if I move into something else, like retail or warehouse work, I still don’t know what I want to do long term, and I don’t have many qualifications, which worries me because I struggled academically at school and college, although I did complete my maths functional skills as part of my programme. I’ve done a lot of things I didn’t really want to do, like functional skills, volunteering, courses and workshops, but I was encouraged to do them, and cleaning was never the job or career I imagined growing up. I’ve realised that life isn’t as straightforward as just doing certain things in a set order and everything working out how you expect.
With this job, the hours are ideal because I finish in the mornings, start early, and can rest or relax later while feeling rewarded that I’ve actually been to work, instead of feeling guilty like I used to when everyone else was working. The job is a bit further away, but early mornings are quieter for traffic and seem to suit me, and having a job already makes me feel more flexible if other opportunities come up through my programme. For now, I’m just going to get used to this role and keep trying my best, even though it’s hard not having everything planned out, especially as growing up I wanted to be a mechanic, did work experience at a garage, hoped for an apprenticeship, didn’t get the grades, did a college course I didn’t like, and later a motor vehicle course that was okay but made me realise how much responsibility being a mechanic involves. I’m trying to accept that it’s okay to do this for now and to change what I want to do, even though it’s really hard. It just hard because it feels most people seem to know what they want to do like at uni working towards a career they want or graduated studying towards a good career but I dont know what I want to do.
A big struggle for me is worrying about what people think, especially around the stigma of cleaning, and I feel anxious about telling people what I do, even though I know I shouldn’t have to care and that having a job is a privilege. I also feel a lot of pressure to have a good career and to know exactly what I’m doing with my life, which adds to the stress. Even if I move into something else, like retail or warehouse work, I still don’t know what I want to do long term, and I don’t have many qualifications, which worries me because I struggled academically at school and college, although I did complete my maths functional skills as part of my programme. I’ve done a lot of things I didn’t really want to do, like functional skills, volunteering, courses and workshops, but I was encouraged to do them, and cleaning was never the job or career I imagined growing up. I’ve realised that life isn’t as straightforward as just doing certain things in a set order and everything working out how you expect.
With this job, the hours are ideal because I finish in the mornings, start early, and can rest or relax later while feeling rewarded that I’ve actually been to work, instead of feeling guilty like I used to when everyone else was working. The job is a bit further away, but early mornings are quieter for traffic and seem to suit me, and having a job already makes me feel more flexible if other opportunities come up through my programme. For now, I’m just going to get used to this role and keep trying my best, even though it’s hard not having everything planned out, especially as growing up I wanted to be a mechanic, did work experience at a garage, hoped for an apprenticeship, didn’t get the grades, did a college course I didn’t like, and later a motor vehicle course that was okay but made me realise how much responsibility being a mechanic involves. I’m trying to accept that it’s okay to do this for now and to change what I want to do, even though it’s really hard. It just hard because it feels most people seem to know what they want to do like at uni working towards a career they want or graduated studying towards a good career but I dont know what I want to do.
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