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(tw) eating disorder
eabhax06
Posts: 4 Newbie
i've never rly been able to talk to anybody abt this as nobody rly takes me seriously. for as long as i can remember ive struggled with eating. i don't rly know what to do anymore as nobody will take me seriously. i did try going to my gp but they won't do anything other than tell me that the physical pain i exist in constantly is just imaginary. cmht wont help me because im not dangerously underweight. i know there is beat but they dont rly help as ive done all that they've asked like visit my gp so they wont offer any support now. ive had support from first steps ed in the past and even they contacted my gp abt their concerns but still no help. cmht said they could reconsider the referral after beat contacted them IF the gp does new bloods, ecg and other phsyical health checks however the gp has said no to this as they can only action requests for this from hospitals for oncology patients.
tw for this part:
i've been rly thinking abt it lately and how much worse i feel it's becoming but nobody rly cares or takes it seriously.
tw for this part:
i've never rly talked abt how bad it is before. i grew up surrounded by talk abt diets, weight, calories etc. ive always struggled with food textures and foods touching etc which doesn't help either as i have very few foods i feel able to eat. worrying abt how many calories are in foods or whether ive done enough to earn the food is always on my mind. its so exhausting.
i remember when i was much younger, in primary school, we had our family photos. one of my siblings and i had the same top just different sizes as we're different ages and my mum had laid out what we were wearing, she accidentally put my siblings top out for me so when i put it on, it didn't fit. i thought it was funny and so did my sibling but my mum immediately reacted badly saying how i need to stop eating so much. reflecting on that now im older, my first question is, why couldn't she use logic and realise that all my other clothes fit fine so i clearly haven't gained weight to an extent my clothes no longer fit? it still rly upsets me.
we often went swimming then for food afterwards, i remember always hoping that we went to subway as its healthier than other places like mcdonald's etc. i know this bit is silly now that im older, but when i was younger, whenever we would have went for food after swimming, i always would've picked sprite / 7up as my drink as it looked like water so me (under 11 at this point) just assumed it must be healthy then.
ever since i had my first phone, i've had calorie counting apps, weight loss apps, exercise apps. i always said i'd get lunch in school whenever it came to secondary school as i could just pretend i did eat lunch. i've often made meal plans and counted calories etc but then still been really anxious abt eating because it's too much in my mind.
i remember when i was much younger, in primary school, we had our family photos. one of my siblings and i had the same top just different sizes as we're different ages and my mum had laid out what we were wearing, she accidentally put my siblings top out for me so when i put it on, it didn't fit. i thought it was funny and so did my sibling but my mum immediately reacted badly saying how i need to stop eating so much. reflecting on that now im older, my first question is, why couldn't she use logic and realise that all my other clothes fit fine so i clearly haven't gained weight to an extent my clothes no longer fit? it still rly upsets me.
we often went swimming then for food afterwards, i remember always hoping that we went to subway as its healthier than other places like mcdonald's etc. i know this bit is silly now that im older, but when i was younger, whenever we would have went for food after swimming, i always would've picked sprite / 7up as my drink as it looked like water so me (under 11 at this point) just assumed it must be healthy then.
ever since i had my first phone, i've had calorie counting apps, weight loss apps, exercise apps. i always said i'd get lunch in school whenever it came to secondary school as i could just pretend i did eat lunch. i've often made meal plans and counted calories etc but then still been really anxious abt eating because it's too much in my mind.
i've been rly thinking abt it lately and how much worse i feel it's becoming but nobody rly cares or takes it seriously.
6
Comments
Reading through your message, what really strikes me is just how isolating it sounds to be going through this right now, and how deeply frustrating to not feel listened to or taken seriously. You mentioned that thoughts and worries about food have felt all-consuming lately, constantly circling your mind and leaving you feeling exhausted. That sounds really, really draining to be coping with, and you're doing so well to share this. How has it felt to type out your post?
Thank you for opening up too about that memory with your mum and your sister's shirt. I can really hear how that moment has stayed with you and continues to upset you. I get the sense her reaction felt hurtful for you, and looking back you really wish she'd been able to see what had actually happened? You also mentioned reflecting back on thoughts around food after swimming, and then counting calories throughout school too. Hearing this, it sounds like it's been quite a number of years now coping with these feelings and holding a lot of anxiety on your own. I wonder if there are any moments you tend to notice where food can feel slightly easier / less anxiety-inducing, and then moments where the anxiety is the loudest?
Also, if that feeling of anxiety could speak, what do you feel it would say?
We're right here with you to listen, and really appreciate your trust in opening up about this. In an ideal world, what kind of support would you say would feel most meaningful for you - whether that's 1:1 emotional support maybe, advice or practical help, group-support?