Struggling and Hoping

Redemption

I’ve been having a really tough time lately, sometimes are tougher than usual and Id say recently it had been tougher than usual. I constantly worry about upsetting people or what they think of me and it often feels like I’m being judged. I overthink so many small things and sometimes I worry even when there’s nothing to worry about. Recently I upset someone and things got a bit heated which only made my fears worse. I’ve been self-conscious for a long time and my self-esteem hasn’t been great. This time of year is always hard with the lead-up to Christmas and the end of the year and it can feel like another reminder of everything I haven’t managed to fix. 2025 has been hectic for me full of ups and downs stress and exhaustion. Some weeks are easier but others quickly become overwhelming again. I struggle to sleep most nights and that constant pressure makes me feel like crying more often.

I’ve been dealing with these feelings for a long time and it can feel really lonely. I’ve had arguments and sometimes I feel like people aren’t really listening to me. I do have online spaces and connections and I’m trying to build more in person too. I want a romantic relationship but it feels tough I’ve tried dating apps a bit though I haven’t put in much effort yet and some features require paying. I know I can get upset too easily and can be sensitive but I also know I need to work on myself. Right now I feel like I’m relying on things to change externally because without that it’s hard to feel like I can be happy or improve my mental health. I really need direction a job opportunity and steps I can take to work on my struggles. It’s hard to keep going and maintain determination and self-esteem but I’ve been lucky to have some support along the way. Even though those people can’t directly fix things for me it helps just knowing they’re there. I’m still waiting for a breakthrough but I’m hoping things start to improve from here.

Sian321

Hey @Redemption , thank you for making this post. How are you this morning?

Thank you so much for sharing so openly. It sounds like things have been really heavy lately, and I can hear how much mental energy you’re putting into worrying about upsetting people or being judged. That sounds exhausting, especially when you’ve already been feeling low in confidence and worn down.

What really stands out to me here is how deeply you care about others and how much you want to avoid hurting anyone. I also hear that you’re trying so hard to make sure you never upset anyone, and yet, that also feels like a high standard to hold yourself to. I wonder if sometimes in friendships and relationships, we have to sit with the discomfort of not being able to fully control what others think of us or how they react. It's so, so hard and uncomfortable and scary sometimes, but ultimately, we will at times hurt or disappoint people we care about, simply because we’re human. And that doesn’t have to mean we're bad or unlovable, and it doesn’t have to destroy a relationship. In fact, navigating a conflict and then being able to repair it often deepens the connection or creates even more vulnerability and intimacy!

I wonder, have you ever had an experience where you unintentionally upset someone, but were able to apologies and work through it together? What helped you navigate that moment? How did it feel afterwards?

If you could also accept that mistakes will happen, and that you don't have to get it right every time in relationships, what might that free you up to do differently next time?

You're doing so well to reflect on this, Redemption, and I really hear you noticing that overthinking, getting curious about it, and showing yourself some compassion which is so wonderful. We're here with you to listen and explore this.

Sham

Hello @Redemption, How are you feeling now?
It sounds like you’ve been going through a really tough time lately, and since these feelings have been building up for a while, it makes sense that it’s starting to feel overwhelming. Constantly worrying about upsetting people or how others perceive you can be really exhausting, especially when you’re trying to build healthy and lasting relationships.

I just want to say that it’s okay to have disagreements or to upset someone sometimes — it’s a normal part of relationships. Working through those moments together, even when it feels uncomfortable, helps create honesty and trust. If people genuinely care about you, they’ll make the effort to understand your perspective and communicate with you respectfully.

When I was at university, I was part of a big friend group with very different personalities, and I used to feel quite self-conscious too. I’d overthink things and worry about saying the wrong thing, which made me focus more on what could go wrong rather than appreciating how they actually showed up for me. I am happy you are good at noticing with your friends and how they show up for you. It took time to realise that relationships are about balance and that it’s okay not to get everything right all the time.

I completely understand how the end of the year can feel like a difficult time — it often brings up reflections on what we haven’t achieved rather than what we have. But I want to remind you that your willingness to reflect, to try to grow, and to keep going even when things feel heavy is one of the biggest achievements in itself.

It sounds really hard to feel like you’re not being listened to, especially when you’re already feeling low or trying to express yourself. It can be frustrating or self-doubt.

It also makes sense that you’re hoping for external things to change — when life feels uncertain or out of balance, we often look for stability in our surroundings or relationships. But I’ve found that small internal changes, like setting boundaries, practising self-compassion, or even noticing what is within your control, can sometimes help you regain a bit of peace, even when external things take time to shift.

You don’t have to have it all figured out right now. You’re already doing something really important by reflecting on how you feel and wanting to take steps toward improvement — that shows strength and self-awareness, even when it doesn’t feel like it.
When you’re learning something new — whether it’s a skill, self-awareness, or how to manage relationships — it’s a process of trying, failing, learning, and trying again. Growth takes time, but you’re already acknowledging what’s hard and looking for ways to move forward, and that's a start. I am here to listen.

Redemption

Sian321 wrote: »

Hey @Redemption , thank you for making this post. How are you this morning?

Thank you so much for sharing so openly. It sounds like things have been really heavy lately, and I can hear how much mental energy you’re putting into worrying about upsetting people or being judged. That sounds exhausting, especially when you’ve already been feeling low in confidence and worn down.

What really stands out to me here is how deeply you care about others and how much you want to avoid hurting anyone. I also hear that you’re trying so hard to make sure you never upset anyone, and yet, that also feels like a high standard to hold yourself to. I wonder if sometimes in friendships and relationships, we have to sit with the discomfort of not being able to fully control what others think of us or how they react. It's so, so hard and uncomfortable and scary sometimes, but ultimately, we will at times hurt or disappoint people we care about, simply because we’re human. And that doesn’t have to mean we're bad or unlovable, and it doesn’t have to destroy a relationship. In fact, navigating a conflict and then being able to repair it often deepens the connection or creates even more vulnerability and intimacy!

I wonder, have you ever had an experience where you unintentionally upset someone, but were able to apologies and work through it together? What helped you navigate that moment? How did it feel afterwards?

If you could also accept that mistakes will happen, and that you don't have to get it right every time in relationships, what might that free you up to do differently next time?

You're doing so well to reflect on this, Redemption, and I really hear you noticing that overthinking, getting curious about it, and showing yourself some compassion which is so wonderful. We're here with you to listen and explore this.

Thank you so much for your kind and thoughtful message @Sian321, it really means a lot. You’re right that I put a lot of pressure on myself to avoid upsetting anyone, and it can be exhausting. There have been times when I’ve unintentionally upset someone but we talked it through and things actually felt stronger afterwards, which showed me that one mistake doesn’t have to ruin everything. If I could accept that mistakes will happen, I think it would take a lot of weight off my shoulders and help me feel more relaxed around people instead of always worrying about saying or doing the wrong thing.

Redemption

Sham wrote: »

Hello @Redemption, How are you feeling now?
It sounds like you’ve been going through a really tough time lately, and since these feelings have been building up for a while, it makes sense that it’s starting to feel overwhelming. Constantly worrying about upsetting people or how others perceive you can be really exhausting, especially when you’re trying to build healthy and lasting relationships.

I just want to say that it’s okay to have disagreements or to upset someone sometimes — it’s a normal part of relationships. Working through those moments together, even when it feels uncomfortable, helps create honesty and trust. If people genuinely care about you, they’ll make the effort to understand your perspective and communicate with you respectfully.

When I was at university, I was part of a big friend group with very different personalities, and I used to feel quite self-conscious too. I’d overthink things and worry about saying the wrong thing, which made me focus more on what could go wrong rather than appreciating how they actually showed up for me. I am happy you are good at noticing with your friends and how they show up for you. It took time to realise that relationships are about balance and that it’s okay not to get everything right all the time.

I completely understand how the end of the year can feel like a difficult time — it often brings up reflections on what we haven’t achieved rather than what we have. But I want to remind you that your willingness to reflect, to try to grow, and to keep going even when things feel heavy is one of the biggest achievements in itself.

It sounds really hard to feel like you’re not being listened to, especially when you’re already feeling low or trying to express yourself. It can be frustrating or self-doubt.

It also makes sense that you’re hoping for external things to change — when life feels uncertain or out of balance, we often look for stability in our surroundings or relationships. But I’ve found that small internal changes, like setting boundaries, practising self-compassion, or even noticing what is within your control, can sometimes help you regain a bit of peace, even when external things take time to shift.

You don’t have to have it all figured out right now. You’re already doing something really important by reflecting on how you feel and wanting to take steps toward improvement — that shows strength and self-awareness, even when it doesn’t feel like it.
When you’re learning something new — whether it’s a skill, self-awareness, or how to manage relationships — it’s a process of trying, failing, learning, and trying again. Growth takes time, but you’re already acknowledging what’s hard and looking for ways to move forward, and that's a start. I am here to listen.

@Sham Thank you so much for your thoughtful and supportive message, I really appreciate it. I can see you’re new, and I’m looking forward to seeing you around more. You’ve put things in such a kind and understanding way, and it means a lot to feel heard. You’re right that it’s normal to have disagreements or moments of discomfort in relationships, and I’m starting to realise that those moments don’t have to mean things are falling apart. It’s reassuring to hear your experience too, and it reminds me that I’m not alone in feeling this way. I’m trying to focus more on small steps and showing myself a bit of compassion instead of constantly worrying about how I come across. Your words really helped me put things in perspective, so thank you again for taking the time to write this.