Feeling lonely

Redemption

I’ve been feeling quite lonely for a while now, but this community has been amazing. It has helped me with my loneliness and got me through being out of work. It took me a while to realise I might be lonely, and seeing other people experience it helped me understand that it’s not bad or unusual and that it’s okay to feel lonely. It can be quite common. I often feel lonely during the day, especially when there aren’t many services or activities available. While I’m looking for work, my days can feel boring, and I also feel lonely in terms of my interests, as I don’t always have people to share them with. I haven’t had a relationship yet, so I sometimes daydream about being in one, but I’m not sure how I’ll find a relationship. During arguments or disagreements, I sometimes feel like I have no one by my side or that few people see my reasoning.

There are things I want to do but can’t because I don’t have the right person or people, like going on a UK holiday in an RV or a cruise abroad with a romantic partner. What helps me is knowing it doesn’t have to be forever. I can get a relationship, make more friends, and work on my loneliness. This community has helped me a lot, and I’m also trying to use other services for long-term support. I know this community won’t be here forever, so I’m preparing for when I age out in August 2027, when I turn 26. That thought scares me and makes me want to change things.

People have suggested I join social groups, which is a great idea, but I feel hesitant. Maybe it’s because I want a relationship but I’m not sure I would find one there. It could be a good way to meet someone, but I hesitate and I’m not fully sure why. I worry about getting picked on, feeling lonely, not fitting in, or it just not being ideal for me. I’ve also had experiences where I’ve been in limbo like now and tried to better myself, trying a new course at college or a new career, but it has failed and ended up as a bad experience with people. That hurts because it takes courage to try to improve after being in limbo, and then it failing is painful. Even now, being out of work and having setbacks, I’m trying my best to improve, getting let down and doing multiple things but not getting to where I want to be.

I do want to meet someone, but for now I have this community and I really love it. I know I’ll age out one day. Some people might be spending Friday nights or weekends with partners, but I don’t have that, which can make things harder. On top of that, I’m trying to build my confidence, which has been a long battle with rejections, my own mistakes, constant comments, social media stigma, pressure, setbacks and failures, dwelling on the past, things not going my way, slow progress, getting my hopes up then failing, and being compared to others when I struggle to stop. I’ve doubted myself for as long as I can remember, and sometimes those doubts are proved right. All of this has made it hard to stay confident and improve my self-esteem, but I have improved it, and I’m so glad because I couldn’t have done it without this community.

Sian321

Hey @Redemption , thank you for making this post and for sharing more with us about your experience of loneliness.

It sounds really heartening to notice yourself feeling more and more able to name your loneliness, to be self-compassionate about it, and to recognize that loneliness is in fact such a common part of being human, and that (paradoxically!) you're not alone in feeling this way. As social creatures, that need for connection is so deeply human, and you're you've taken such positive strides opening up about this. You can see your own self-esteem and confidence growing, and that's such a testament to the courage you've shown opening up here, daring to be vulnerable, and to let yourself be known!

What I'm hearing you say is that loneliness and boredom often come hand-in-hand for you, especially on those days where there's less structure and the future feels uncertain. You also mentioned that it's hard not being able to share your interests with other people, or not having someone in your corner. There are moments you'll day-dream about a romantic relationship, and you're starting to notice yourself longing for that kind of special connection with someone.

People have suggested I join social groups, which is a great idea, but I feel hesitant. Maybe it’s because I want a relationship but I’m not sure I would find one there. It could be a good way to meet someone, but I hesitate and I’m not fully sure why. I worry about getting picked on, feeling lonely, not fitting in, or it just not being ideal for me.

That makes sense, and it sounds like some of that hesitancy is protective almost? Like it's trying to hold you back from the potential of getting hurt? That is so valid, and at the same time, I hear how it could perhaps feed into that cycle of isolation. When you think about joining social groups, what kind of space would you be interested in? E.g. would that be a shared-activity space like a hobby-group, or going to a certain event? This is a resource that might feel helpful to search for events in your area:

https://peerchat.link/meetup

I wonder if you can think of a time where you have made a positive connection in-person with someone or had an interaction with a new person that felt nice and comfortable? What was it about that situation that helped you to feel good?

We're here to explore this together!

Redemption

Sian321 wrote: »

Hey @Redemption , thank you for making this post and for sharing more with us about your experience of loneliness.

It sounds really heartening to notice yourself feeling more and more able to name your loneliness, to be self-compassionate about it, and to recognize that loneliness is in fact such a common part of being human, and that (paradoxically!) you're not alone in feeling this way. As social creatures, that need for connection is so deeply human, and you're you've taken such positive strides opening up about this. You can see your own self-esteem and confidence growing, and that's such a testament to the courage you've shown opening up here, daring to be vulnerable, and to let yourself be known!

What I'm hearing you say is that loneliness and boredom often come hand-in-hand for you, especially on those days where there's less structure and the future feels uncertain. You also mentioned that it's hard not being able to share your interests with other people, or not having someone in your corner. There are moments you'll day-dream about a romantic relationship, and you're starting to notice yourself longing for that kind of special connection with someone.

People have suggested I join social groups, which is a great idea, but I feel hesitant. Maybe it’s because I want a relationship but I’m not sure I would find one there. It could be a good way to meet someone, but I hesitate and I’m not fully sure why. I worry about getting picked on, feeling lonely, not fitting in, or it just not being ideal for me.

That makes sense, and it sounds like some of that hesitancy is protective almost? Like it's trying to hold you back from the potential of getting hurt? That is so valid, and at the same time, I hear how it could perhaps feed into that cycle of isolation. When you think about joining social groups, what kind of space would you be interested in? E.g. would that be a shared-activity space like a hobby-group, or going to a certain event? This is a resource that might feel helpful to search for events in your area:

https://peerchat.link/meetup

I wonder if you can think of a time where you have made a positive connection in-person with someone or had an interaction with a new person that felt nice and comfortable? What was it about that situation that helped you to feel good?

We're here to explore this together!

@Sian321 Thank you for your kind message. You described it really well. I do notice that loneliness and boredom often come together, especially when I have less structure. I think I do want connection, but I feel unsure where to find it or how to start. I’d probably feel more comfortable in a hobby or activity group rather than something purely social. I can remember times when I met someone new and it felt easy and natural to talk, and I’d like to have more moments like that again. I’ll definitely check that link out, thanks for sending it.