(Suicidal thoughts, no plans) I fucking hate having panic attacks at work

bignosegirly0

It’s even worse that I can’t even get fucking medicated for it cuz my family don’t understand my mental health issues. They don’t even know I’ve started having panic attacks this summer.

I can’t get my delivery because my family would be suspicious. I’ve tried coming up with an excuse and said “maybe I could get some boots deliveries for my medical issues” just for it to be shut off by “or I can just get it for you”

I can’t travel to my gp because I haven’t got a car. I’m not allowed a car because my family’s driveway is full. And we won’t be moving until two years.

Even when I try mindfulness techniques to calm myself down, sometimes they don’t work, and I end up looking like a jackass having a panic attack.

So I’m stuck with these panic attacks for two more years.

I think god wants me to kill myself. Because this is fucking cruel.

Sian321

Hey @bignosegirly0 , thank you for this post and for sharing a bit more about what's been going on for you.

It sounds extremely hard not being able to access the support and care you're wanting right now, and being shut down by your family when you do try to talk about getting some medication support for your mental health. I hear how that might leave you feeling stuck or isolated - is that correct?

Panic attacks can be incredibly intense and frightening at times, and you're not a 'jackass' for feeling this way. What you're going through is so valid. Can I ask, when you experience a panic attack, what does that usually feel like in your body? Do you notice any specific thoughts that cross your mind in those moments? I can imagine it might be extremely overwhelming when you're trying all you can to calm yourself and feel safe again through mindfulness techniques, but it doesn't seem to work. We're here to listen, and we're sending you so much care.

You mentioned that it feels sometimes like god wants you to kill yourself - as though you're being taunted by a cruel higher power. That sounds so distressing, and I really hear just how relentless and tormenting these panic attacks can feel.

May I ask, am I right in hearing that you have spoken with a GP already about getting some medication for your panic attacks? Or did you say that you haven't been able to get to your GP?

I'll leave some resources below which may be able to help, and thank you so much again for opening up here.

https://nopanic.org.uk/
https://giveusashout.org/
https://clearfear.stem4.org.uk/

eylah

sending you hugs @bignosegirly0 . you matter

bignosegirly0

@Sian321 my panic attacks feels very rapid, overstimulating and intense. My head feels like it’s racing. My hands starts shaking intensely and I begin to breath rapidly. Often, these panic attacks are triggered during work. We’re very understaffed due to labour laws and we deal with busy shifts where everywhere is pending orders and you got impatient customers. And that’s all I could panic about. I panic about how it’s too busy and how understaffed we are.

Unfortunately, I haven’t been able to get to my GP. It’s very difficult to get to them since one, I have no car to travel to them. And two, I can’t get deliveries because my family will definitely feel suspicious.