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I wish to be sexualised / fetishised in order to feel loved
bignosegirly0
Posts: 376 Listening Ear
I hate my body type. I hate being tall and skinny. I hate having no tits. I hate having no ads, despite going to the gym for four years. I hate how now matter how much I eat, I still don’t appear curvy. I hate it.
Maybe I would have gotten away with it if I was a lot shorter because men would find me attractive for being “cute and petite”. You can’t get away with being tall and skinny because you’ll appear manlike.
I thought my body was improving until I had one work encounter. Two girls were talking about catching creeps staring at their asses. And I joined in because I had an encounter where a coworker said that apparently, a man was looking at my ass. Instead of being creeped out, I felt glad because I thought it meant my ass was finally getting bigger and that there’s a chance of men finally finding me attractive. But I’m guessing she was lying and that man probably wasn’t interested in me in anyway.
Because after I told my story, one of the girls I was chatting with said “I’ve never really looked at your ass, and I check everyone asses out”. I jokingly said “oh is it because I give off an innocent vibe”. But I think what she meant was “your ass is flat”.
I hate how drastically my size drops.
No man wants a women whos man shaped. It sounds horrible but I want a body of a pornstar. I don’t want to accept my man-like body. Even if a man happens to love my flat body (which is 100% impossible and never will happen because look at today’s standards lol), I would still feel like shit. Because I want to be sexualised in order to feel loved. I want to be fetished. I want to be treated like a porn category. I want to be treated like a sex object. I want my only purpose to sexually serve men, because that’s the only way I’ll feel worth as a woman. That’s the only way I’ll finally be a real woman, even if I am born a woman.
I fucking hate my body
Maybe I would have gotten away with it if I was a lot shorter because men would find me attractive for being “cute and petite”. You can’t get away with being tall and skinny because you’ll appear manlike.
I thought my body was improving until I had one work encounter. Two girls were talking about catching creeps staring at their asses. And I joined in because I had an encounter where a coworker said that apparently, a man was looking at my ass. Instead of being creeped out, I felt glad because I thought it meant my ass was finally getting bigger and that there’s a chance of men finally finding me attractive. But I’m guessing she was lying and that man probably wasn’t interested in me in anyway.
Because after I told my story, one of the girls I was chatting with said “I’ve never really looked at your ass, and I check everyone asses out”. I jokingly said “oh is it because I give off an innocent vibe”. But I think what she meant was “your ass is flat”.
I hate how drastically my size drops.
No man wants a women whos man shaped. It sounds horrible but I want a body of a pornstar. I don’t want to accept my man-like body. Even if a man happens to love my flat body (which is 100% impossible and never will happen because look at today’s standards lol), I would still feel like shit. Because I want to be sexualised in order to feel loved. I want to be fetished. I want to be treated like a porn category. I want to be treated like a sex object. I want my only purpose to sexually serve men, because that’s the only way I’ll feel worth as a woman. That’s the only way I’ll finally be a real woman, even if I am born a woman.
I fucking hate my body
Post edited by Katie on
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Comments
Thank you for sharing your honest feelings, it’s clear how painful things feel for you right now. i hear how much pressure you feel under to look a certain way.
It’s important to remember that bodies respond differently to food, gym, genetics etc.
if these thoughts are overwhelming, you don’t have to carry them alone. Beat has free, confidential support around body image.
This is a really important topic and I am sure you are not alone with having complex feelings about body image.
Thank you, Owen