Dating a much smaller man

MaxB

Hi I'm not sure about how to start.
I've been dating this guy and he is 4ft 9. I'm 5ft 5. I normally have no issues dating people shorter than me but he is a lot shorter and generally smaller. I feel enormous next to him. I know this is not about his height or size, it's about my insecurities. I just don't know how to get over it.

Leyla

Hey @MaxB Welcome to The Mix!

It sounds like you could be worries about what others might think when they see you next to him, and that they may think you are 'enormous'! One thing I was always told is that even if something feels like a huge deal to you, most people day-to-day wont even notice, and if they do then they will forget very soon after seeing it because they're all too wrapped up in themselves

I think a majority of couples have some sort of height difference! I can understand where these worries could come from though, it doesnt always feel nice to stand out or like someone can single out something about you, especially something which can't be changed like your height

I wonder if you would generally say you feel insecure within yourself?

Thank you for reaching out, the Community are here for you and we're hearing you!

MaxB

Maybe I should have specified, no I do not care what other people think, most of the time I'll never see them again and the friends I surround myself with are very non judgemental people. I obviously completely understand that you are trying to help but not everyone's insecurities are based on how other people view them, sometimes it's how we view ourselves.

Also it's not really the height (or rather not just the height) difference that's bothering me, it's the overall size. I genuinely am double the size of him.

MaxB

I apologise for coming across rude in the previous comment, I really do appreciate your help im sorry this is just a frustrating situation

Redemption

MaxB wrote: »

Hi I'm not sure about how to start.
I've been dating this guy and he is 4ft 9. I'm 5ft 5. I normally have no issues dating people shorter than me but he is a lot shorter and generally smaller. I feel enormous next to him. I know this is not about his height or size, it's about my insecurities. I just don't know how to get over it.

Hey @MaxB your feelings are valid with this and it's ok to vent about this. Like Leyla says, most people wont notice, wont even give a 2nd look at you and even if there is the odd person that does notice which there probably isn't any really, if there somehow was, it doesn't matter what they or anyone thinks. What matters is you love each other and you're happy in your relationship overall , your feelings are completely valid too.

MaxB

Thank you but as I said before. I do not care about what other people think, that is not the issue

MaxB

I dont know whether I can edit my original message but just to clarify for anyone.

I DO NOT CARE WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK

The issue I have is my own insecurity around being larger than him, not what other people think. I appreciate anyone trying to help but if you are going to respond please actually read my message first.

Thank you.

independent_

Hey

I can understand this as my partner, who I’ve been with for 7 years, is both shorter and smaller than me. It goes against all the stereotypes but, just to reassure you, it can and does work out. I think he feels more insecure than I do about it, especially when I choose to wear heels (which tbf I don’t often as I’m a giant as it is lol)

Do you feel quite insecure in yourself in general? You say it’s not about what other people think and that makes sense, it’s about how you’re feeling about it. I’m just wondering if you feel like that in other areas too?

I know for me lack of confidence is a big issue, and I’m working on that, so I can’t really give any advice. But I know where you’re coming from

MaxB

Thanks I appreciate that. Yes I do have issues with insecurity. It is a lot to do with being overweight im ngl. I don't like my body a lot of the time, but if I'm around people taller or bigger than me then I feel better.