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Fed up…😭

Lili5BetLili5Bet Community Connector Posts: 198 Trailblazer
I’m just fed up. I feel like my PTSD destroys relationships but today was another level. I thought I’d have some level of support from someone who I live with. But I got violated left, right and centre tonight. Part of me feels like it’s my fault..I shouldn’t let people in. It just keeps breaking me apart.

Last night I was in the middle of a PTSD episode. I had a comment that was said to me that I apparently “dwell over my past” during my PTSD episode and apparently let it get to me. And apparently I don’t help myself by not doing my coping strategies. IT’S HARD, and I’m trying. I do have coping strategies but they’re not your typical 54321 and breathing techniques. I raised how I felt to them earlier today, and then the comments I had just got worse. Now we’re not taking. I didn’t come down to make dinner either. I couldn’t put myself in the position where I’m treading on egg shells again..

One of the comments that got to me was “ saying “You can’t expect someone like me to cuddle you every single time you cry. I had to do it all by myself, I had no one. do you think that every time someone cuddles you, it’ll make it better?”
Do they not realise how isolating it has been on my journey..I too had go through this alone. I lost everyone who I know. I’m strongly independent, I don’t expect “cuddles” every time I cry. But I would thought to have some level of support without criticism. I can’t even hold a conversation to do with my PTSD anymore. I have no counselling or any other further support to help my PTSD.

I don’t know what to do 😭😭 was I in the wrong?

Comments

  • eylaheylah Posts: 9,078 Supreme Poster
    you’re never in the wrong @Lili5Bet . you try your hardest to support others when you’re dealing with a lot yourself. i know how hard a ptsd episodes can be but pls know you’re never going through this alone. ik we can’t msg on here but if you’re struggling again we can talk if you want? i don’t want you going through this alone bc i know how hard it is. i’m here listening lilie <3.
    ppl dont always need advice. sometimes all they rly need is a hand to hold. an ear to listen. and a heart to understand them. 🧸
  • Lili5BetLili5Bet Community Connector Posts: 198 Trailblazer
    eylah wrote: »
    you’re never in the wrong @Lili5Bet . you try your hardest to support others when you’re dealing with a lot yourself. i know how hard a ptsd episodes can be but pls know you’re never going through this alone. ik we can’t msg on here but if you’re struggling again we can talk if you want? i don’t want you going through this alone bc i know how hard it is. i’m here listening lilie <3.

    Thank you so much 😭😭 I literally can’t sleep rn from today. I’m shattered but my mind really has taken over me. Yes, thank you, I appreciate that <3
  • RedemptionRedemption Community Connector Posts: 5,240 Part of The Furniture
    edited August 26
    @Lili5Bet I'm really sorry you got violated like that. Being dismissed can be so horrible especially trying multiple times but you were not in the wrong, I promise seeking support is completely valid and you absolutely deserve it. Im sorry that you had that comment said to you about cuddles its sounds very dismissive especially with everything else. Support should be there for you when you need it. None of this is your fault, you've done absolutely nothing wrong. Im just sorry you've been dismissed and you've got no support, you're very brave for coming on here to talk about this though and we are always here for you as much, as you need.


    Here's some support services here if you feel it might help

    https://kellysheroes.org.uk/
    These are normally pretty good they open at 6 pm till 10pm Monday to Friday and open on weekends 6pm till 11pm


    https://www.myblackdog.co/
    These are pretty good but only open Sunday to Wednesday 7pm till 10pm


    https://knus.io/
    This is a peer to peer support service, someone should set you up through a peer and chats are done through what's app


    Shout is a text messaging service, open 24 hours but at night it takes a very long time to get through, text 85258


    Phone service
    Call 116 123
    and has text service but it only works for some
    https://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help/contact-samaritan/
  • eylaheylah Posts: 9,078 Supreme Poster
    hi @Lili5Bet . hru today? hugs 🫂 <3
    ppl dont always need advice. sometimes all they rly need is a hand to hold. an ear to listen. and a heart to understand them. 🧸
  • Lili5BetLili5Bet Community Connector Posts: 198 Trailblazer
    edited August 27
    eylah wrote: »
    hi @Lili5Bet . hru today? hugs 🫂 <3

    I’ve been crying all morning and isolating myself..I feel constantly on edge and I’m having so many palpitations and anxiety..I didn’t sleep well last night so I’m shattered as well. Thank you for asking 🫂🫂 I think I’m really shaken up <3
  • eylaheylah Posts: 9,078 Supreme Poster
    Lili5Bet wrote: »
    eylah wrote: »
    hi @Lili5Bet . hru today? hugs 🫂 <3

    I’ve been crying all morning and isolating myself..I feel constantly on edge and I’m having so many palpitations and anxiety..I didn’t sleep well last night so I’m shattered as well. Thank you for asking 🫂🫂 I think I’m really shaken up <3

    is there anything which you can try to calm your thoughts down with? 🫂 am always here for you. <3
    ppl dont always need advice. sometimes all they rly need is a hand to hold. an ear to listen. and a heart to understand them. 🧸
  • Lili5BetLili5Bet Community Connector Posts: 198 Trailblazer
    eylah wrote: »
    Lili5Bet wrote: »
    eylah wrote: »
    hi @Lili5Bet . hru today? hugs 🫂 <3

    I’ve been crying all morning and isolating myself..I feel constantly on edge and I’m having so many palpitations and anxiety..I didn’t sleep well last night so I’m shattered as well. Thank you for asking 🫂🫂 I think I’m really shaken up <3

    is there anything which you can try to calm your thoughts down with? 🫂 am always here for you. <3

    I’ve tried music and getting fresh air, but I still can’t seem to calm down..I think because my body feels like it’s under threat from last night. I spoke to my PA about this issue and she’s logged it and passing it over to the person I live with, social worker. I’m trying to distract myself and regulate but I’m still so tense. Thank you, I appreciate you <3
  • eylaheylah Posts: 9,078 Supreme Poster
    Lili5Bet wrote: »
    eylah wrote: »
    Lili5Bet wrote: »
    eylah wrote: »
    hi @Lili5Bet . hru today? hugs 🫂 <3

    I’ve been crying all morning and isolating myself..I feel constantly on edge and I’m having so many palpitations and anxiety..I didn’t sleep well last night so I’m shattered as well. Thank you for asking 🫂🫂 I think I’m really shaken up <3

    is there anything which you can try to calm your thoughts down with? 🫂 am always here for you. <3

    I’ve tried music and getting fresh air, but I still can’t seem to calm down..I think because my body feels like it’s under threat from last night. I spoke to my PA about this issue and she’s logged it and passing it over to the person I live with, social worker. I’m trying to distract myself and regulate but I’m still so tense. Thank you, I appreciate you <3

    aw is there a tv show you enjoy maybe? do you like art? are you safe rn when you say ‘under threat’ just making sure you’re safe lilie. pls know im here day and night. i care so so much abt you <3
    ppl dont always need advice. sometimes all they rly need is a hand to hold. an ear to listen. and a heart to understand them. 🧸
  • Lili5BetLili5Bet Community Connector Posts: 198 Trailblazer
    eylah wrote: »
    Lili5Bet wrote: »
    eylah wrote: »
    Lili5Bet wrote: »
    eylah wrote: »
    hi @Lili5Bet . hru today? hugs 🫂 <3

    I’ve been crying all morning and isolating myself..I feel constantly on edge and I’m having so many palpitations and anxiety..I didn’t sleep well last night so I’m shattered as well. Thank you for asking 🫂🫂 I think I’m really shaken up <3

    is there anything which you can try to calm your thoughts down with? 🫂 am always here for you. <3

    I’ve tried music and getting fresh air, but I still can’t seem to calm down..I think because my body feels like it’s under threat from last night. I spoke to my PA about this issue and she’s logged it and passing it over to the person I live with, social worker. I’m trying to distract myself and regulate but I’m still so tense. Thank you, I appreciate you <3

    aw is there a tv show you enjoy maybe? do you like art? are you safe rn when you say ‘under threat’ just making sure you’re safe lilie. pls know im here day and night. i care so so much abt you <3

    There is a couple of things that I can watch, yeah. Yeah, I like art. I am safe, thank you , I think it’s my PTSD making me feel like I’m not after what happened last night..
    Thank you so much <3
  • Amy22Amy22 Posts: 5,467 Part of The Furniture
    Oh gosh I am so so sorry to hear that you were not treated well by that person living in your home. I totally get you with the breathing techniques because they don't always work for everyone and the 54321 sometimes isn't as distracting as a tool as it should be. How are you feeling at the moment after the incident? (No pressure though if you don't feel comfortable talking it of course). Also is there anything I can do right now which could help distract your thoughts right now?.
    Just a person who likes pop culture and films
  • Lili5BetLili5Bet Community Connector Posts: 198 Trailblazer
    Amy22 wrote: »
    Oh gosh I am so so sorry to hear that you were not treated well by that person living in your home. I totally get you with the breathing techniques because they don't always work for everyone and the 54321 sometimes isn't as distracting as a tool as it should be. How are you feeling at the moment after the incident? (No pressure though if you don't feel comfortable talking it of course). Also is there anything I can do right now which could help distract your thoughts right now?.

    Thank you @Amy22 ,

    Exactly, for me my coping mechanism is actually doing something unless I feel like my anxiety makes me feel like I’d fall because of me shaking so much (which is when I put myself in my room and listen to music). I’m still feeling on edge, but also I have a weird combination of feeling numb but feeling everything at the same time. All of my upper body hurts so much from the stress.
    The person I live with seems to be avoiding me now, but it’s not like I’m talking to them anyway atm..
    I’m mentally and physically exhausted and drained..
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