(Suicidal thoughts but no plan) I feel dead inside

bignosegirly0

I know that sounds like an edgy title a 13 year old would write lol. But I just feel so low to a point where it feels as if something has died inside of me.

I don’t enjoy being alive at the moment, and although I’m able to keep myself safe (currently I’m at the gym and will head to bed straight after my session) I just really want to die because I feel it’s my only escape.

Life just feels so dull, especially at work, working around mostly miserable assholes. Even worse working in a restaurant that is known to be the worse in town to the point where franchise advisors were writing fake good reviews and wouldn’t allow us to have an air-con because we underachieved our goals lol. If I was able to get a new job where I get along with my coworkers, I wouldn’t be so damn depressed

DonnerKebab

bignosegirly0 wrote: »

I know that sounds like an edgy title a 13 year old would write lol. But I just feel so low to a point where it feels as if something has died inside of me.

I don’t enjoy being alive at the moment, and although I’m able to keep myself safe (currently I’m at the gym and will head to bed straight after my session) I just really want to die because I feel it’s my only escape.

Life just feels so dull, especially at work, working around mostly miserable assholes. Even worse working in a restaurant that is known to be the worse in town to the point where franchise advisors were writing fake good reviews and wouldn’t allow us to have an air-con because we underachieved our goals lol. If I was able to get a new job where I get along with my coworkers, I wouldn’t be so damn depressed

@bignosegirly0 things sound extremely hellish for you right now. And i know it's been that way for a long time to get you to that stage where that feels like an only escape. There isn't anything i can say that might make your situation better, but hopefully this might make things feel slightly less hopeless for you.

So, your work environment is toxic. 100% without a shadow of a doubt. From everything you've mentioned about it, it is beyond toxic, with possibly manipulative behaviours from them just based on the review stuff, and is rather cruel, by turning of AC as a punishment. As though decent working conditions is a reward, rather than a basic right. That says everything about the kind of people they are. And being in that situation, with colleagues you don't get on with is grounds for an extremely depressing situation that would be difficult on anybody. How you feel is entirely valid and understandable. You'd be taking the right steps in trying to find a different job, because those sorts of work environments are not good for anybody and left to it, they won't improve. Any other kind of working environment is better than that one by the sounds of things. And a new working environment will have new colleagues, who you might get on with.

The next point i want to make is about hope for the future. Despite all the hardship of your current situation, it's not hopeless and not impossible for things to change for the better, even if it doesn't feel that way at times. Job wise, the job market is rough right now, and it will be tricky to get into a new job but there is always a chance that better work comes up, and that better job opportunities can present themselves. It's only over when you give up. So long as you keep trying, you'll eventually get something. It's just a matter of holding on, as hard as that is at times. And heck, even though the British job market is bad at the minute, you could think outside the box and work abroad in Australia or Canada on a working holiday for example, in better job markets, with better pay (no qualifications needed). It's what i'm looking at possibly. The point is, there's still hope of better opportunities in the future, and there is always a chance for things to improve. There are options outside the box, as crazy as they seem, and all sorts of possible future opportunities.

I wish i could give you better advise than this, but it's all I can really say. Keep holding on, keep trying, and eventually, better times will come for you.

bignosegirly0

@DonnerKebab first of all, I just wanna thank you for your support and advice.

They didn’t turn off our Air-con, it was broken for ages and they refused to fix it because we were underachieving.

Currently, there is a new job going on at a cafe which I want to give a try and hope for the best.

I know in two years, my family and I are planning on moving out my current area where there are more job opportunities.

Once again, thank you for your support and advice.