(TW suicidal thoughts) work makes me fucking miserable

bignosegirly0

It’s a fucking shit. A lot of the people here are pieces of shit. I’ve been job searching since last summer and I just wanna fucking die.

I haven’t got any plans but working in my workplace makes me want to die so fucking badly because I see no hope.

If I was able to get a new job in an environment full of better people, my mental health would drastically improve

Sian321

Hi @bignosegirly0 , thank you for this message. It sounds like things might be feeling really, really hard right now, and you're struggling to want to stay alive.

I’ve been job searching since last summer and I just wanna fucking die.

I hear you, and it really does sound so exhausting - all that uncertainty, and not knowing what the future may hold. It sounds like it's been impacting your wellbeing a lot, and it's getting to the point now where you're struggling to hold onto hope.

If I was able to get a new job in an environment full of better people, my mental health would drastically improve

I know you've mentioned a few times about how your relationships with your co-workers negatively affects you. It sounds really all-consuming at times. I wonder if anything has happened lately to re-trigger these feelings about them?

Thinking about today and this evening, I wonder if there's anything you could do too to help keep yourself safe practically? What are some activities or grounding techniques you might be able to use to support yourself, or to take a step away from your co-workers as needed?

We're here with you to explore this, and the following places are here for you if you'd like more 1:1 support today:

Samaritans - https://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help/contact-samaritan/
Papyrus - https://www.papyrus-uk.org/
CALM - https://www.thecalmzone.net/
SHOUT 24/7 Text service - https://giveusashout.org/

bignosegirly0

@Sian321 generally speaking, going to work triggers these feelings lol. I can’t get away from my coworkers, because I’m working for the next five days. But I’m able to keep myself safe because I don’t want to hurt my family.

Sian321

@bignosegirly0 , I hear you, and it sounds like thinking about your family in that way is helping you to stay safe, however, having to be around these people at work feels extremely, extremely triggering.

Thinking about when you get home from work tonight, how might you take care of yourself? Is there anything you usually like to do to help you feel some disconnect from that stressful work place and to begin to let your mind rest?

It really does sound so hard having to work in a space that makes you feel that way. And I really hear just how badly you want things to change and how you've been searching for alternative work. I can imagine it might feel draining sometimes, and here as a Community we believe in you and here to listen each step of the way!

If you do feel you'd like to decompress via a 1:1 chat this evening, please know SHOUT are here for you all throughout the nighttime too.

I wonder if you've had the chance to talk through how your workplace leaves you feeling in therapy at all?

You're being so brave to share this.

bignosegirly0

@Sian321 hiya, sorry for the late response. Last night, I kept myself safe by having dinner with my family and distracting myself through social media.

Unfortunately I can’t do a lot to distract myself since I’ve been working three days in a row and got five days left of working with no break.

I talk about my workplace all the time to my therapist because there’s always something happening (whether it includes me or another coworker). She always comments about how toxic my workplace is and how I / others shouldn’t be treated the way I am, but there’s nothing I can do about it.