Ranting sorry.

Animalloverb

I am still really fustrated that I am on a fine line to loosing one of my jobs, i keep trying to think of what I have done for this to happen, I am probably one of the most hard working staff there, I even turn up after having medical episodes and do my job as if nothing ever happened.

Going to these meetings all the time to help change things for young people in the future, regarding 2 different topics. It's hard work and some of these meetings have personally got to me but I just move on as I am doing this for a reason.

I have actually been feeling awful, my dizzy spells are still really attacking me at the moment, I am doing everything I can to try and get them to stop but I still get them and it's actually really annoying.

I am currently also looking out for someone at the moment as their mental health isn't the greatest right now.
To be honest I am part of the reason.

I also have not been able to regulate my emotions that well at the moment which is awful as I hate feeling out of control.

I am still failing at life which isn't fun.

My PTSD has also been attacking me at night lately which isn't that big of a problem as I don't sleep anyway but having the moments awake with my PTSD at it's worse is not great.

I'm also feeling like absolute crap because I have been told I need to take breaks from the gym which I absolutely do not want to do as its not going to help anything at all.

Sian321

Hey @Animalloverb , how are you doing? Thank you for posting this, and for being so open with us.

It sounds like you’ve got so, so much on your plate right now including recently losing your job, working so hard to attend these advocacy meetings for young people to push to make things better, and coping with your physical health too. It's been one thing on top of another, and it really does sound like a lot of pressure building. It’s understandable you’re feeling worn down.

You mentioned the dizzy spells “really attacking” you, struggling to regulate your emotions, and your PTSD being at its worst at night. How is that for you? I wonder whether it feels a bit frightening maybe, or exhausting, frustrating? Holding this alongside supporting someone else with their mental health can feel overwhelming sometimes, and on top of that, I really hear just how much the idea of taking a break from the gym is affecting you, because it sounds like the gym has been one of the things that's really helps ground you and feels like a place that's just for 'you'. Would that be fair to say?

You’re dealing with a lot physically and emotionally right now, and it’s okay to acknowledge that you’re feeling out of control and like crap. Can I ask, in some of the hardest moments, what does that 'out of control' feeling look like?

We're here for you to listen and to be by your side in this, one day at a time.

Animalloverb

@Sian321
I'm not doing that good at the moment.
It's just more fustrating then anything else to be honest.

The gym is like my escape and it's a place where I feel safe and it's like a distraction too as I am focusing on the workouts I am doing. So being told to my own health to take a break from gym it's just not what I wanted to hear and I did still do gym yesterday as I just couldn't stop myself as I really needed it.

That out of control feeling can look intense to other people to be fair. I basically just loose it, I have punched walls many times, I cry, shout. Its hard to explain but I just loose control of everything and find it hard to calm down.

Blue_lily

Hi @Animalloverb

What your going through sounds like a lot at the moment and I understand the frustration of not being able to go to the gym to help you distract and process all of these emotions. Exercising has always been the one thing that grounds me and snap me out of feeling really low and overwhelmed with negative thoughts. Working out was my piece of peace, so its completely valid to find it difficult being told your not able to go to the gym.

I wonder whether you are allowed/able to do some lower impact workouts?

Maybe if you can, you could then find a middle ground for example yoga, pilates or some lower impact dance classes. Sometimes I find giving myself some dedicated time to myself where all I have to focus on is following some exercises helps me.

I am sorry you are going through these periods of feeling out of control, it seems quite distressing for you, have you discussed this feeling with anyone else?

Also if you are looking for potential ways to help ground yourself during these periods Eylah did a lovely post summarising some ideas among some other techniques:

grounding techniques:

- take a bath or shower ( use your favourite shampoo or shower gel! )

- read write draw or paint!

- go take a walk surround yourself with nature and fresh air!

- 5-4-3-2-1 Technique ( 5 things you can see 4 things you can touch 3 things you can hear 2 things you can smell and 1 thing you can taste.)

- hug or scream into a pillow!

——————————————————————

distraction techniques:

- watch a movie

- art or music!

- write a poem or write a story! ( or write down your thoughts )!

- scribble down on paper the emotions you’re currently feeling/experiencing.

- draw a picture or colour in a drawing!

- paint an art piece!
——————————————————————————

calming techniques

- meditation or try breathing exercises like box breathing!

- hug a friend or family member!

- write a letter to someone!

- meet up with a friend or family member!

try muscle relaxation, ( try tensing your fists and then relaxing them! )

- positive self talk ( try challenging your negative thoughts and replace them with positive affirmations)

- social support ( talk to trusted friends or family )

- self compassion ( treating yourself with kindness and understanding yourself during difficult times. )

———————————————————————————

self care techniques:

paint your nails ( or get them professionally done!)

do your makeup

do your hair ( Maybe do a different style you’ve never tried )

have a warm bath ( and have some bath salts or bath soother in the bath!)

have a snack and some water! ( hydration is key!)

pls know im here for you all. you’re not alone .

Animalloverb

@Blue_lily

I have still been trying to do small workouts but it just isn't the same, it doesn't feel the same.
And also the gym wasn't just my escape from everything, it wasn't just my way of getting peace, it was helping me feel stronger. So I could get through everything.

I haven't discussed it with anyone as I don't have anybody to discuss it with.

Blue_lily

@Animalloverb

It sounds like the gym really has been a big part of helping you deal with everything on your plate. Has anything else you do/done ever given you a similar feeling of strength and escapism?

Also in regards to you mentioning that you don't have anybody to discuss it with. Would you want to discuss the periods of feeling out of control with someone else? Do you think it could help you?

How has writing about it on this forum made you feel?

Sending big love

Animalloverb

@Blue_lily

Nope not at all, that's why I started going to the gym in the first place and I found out it helped as nothing else did. So it has been the most important part of my everyday life for such a long time now.

No I'm fine with not discussing it, it won't really help anything anyways.
I never really like talking about things that are going on for me in my life which is why I really limit what I do and don't talk about on here.

Redemption

Im really sorry things are tough for you @Animalloverb but you're doing so well coming on here to talk about this, please if you're comfortable and if it helps keep coming to vent on here about things, we are all happy to support you. You have nothing to apoligise for.