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Taking small steps forward
Redemption
Community Connector Posts: 4,598 The Mix Elder
I know a lot of this is probably repeated, so I’m sorry for sounding like a broken record. But I just need to get it off my chest. I constantly compare myself to people my age and it gets to me. I don’t have a job, I’ve never had a girlfriend, I’m still a virgin, and I still live at home. No matter how much I try, I feel like I’m behind in life. It’s so extremely hard not to compare ourselves to other people. I’ve been doing courses to build up skills like communication, teamwork, and pushing myself out of my comfort zone. These courses aren’t a waste of time, and I’m trying to use them as a stepping stone. What hurts most is how I’ve tried to turn things around in the past by pushing through low points and trying to redeem myself only for things to fall apart again. I remember going back to college after a rough time hoping it would be different but the environment was so negative. People were rude for no reason even when I was just trying to be polite. That kind of thing sticks. It sucks being anxious in a new place fearing judgment and then actually having people be rude to you. Those experiences left a mark, and even now in more recent courses I still feel scared to talk to people. I carry those past moments with me, and they’ve shaped how I feel in new situations.
I do feel pressured, like it’s a race, especially since it’s been about three years since I finished college and I still haven’t found where I want to be. Life moves fast sometimes. One minute people are in similar positions to me, and the next it feels like everyone is getting married, buying nice cars, moving out, or graduating. It’s so, so easy to feel left behind by it all. I really think it needs to be normalised that it’s okay not to know what you want to do in your twenties. Since finishing college, I’ve tried more training and other paths, but not everything’s gone to plan. Sometimes I didn’t pick things up fast enough, or it didn’t feel right. I’ve been searching for something that gives me direction. I want to be clear that I haven’t finished until I take my next steps, which could potentially be another course. That can feel a bit rubbish sometimes, especially after such a long road trying to get into work, but it might be the best way to get me there.
With my experiences and the way I feel about myself, I find it hard to take compliments. If someone has positive things to say about me but also negative things, the negative stuff overcrowds the positive. I feel any positive stuff people compliment me on isn’t good enough. I know I haven’t given up. I’m still trying. It really gets me down being out of work. I don’t want to live a life with no structure or purpose, and that honestly scares me more than anything. If I believed that’s how things would always be, I’d feel completely hopeless. I’ve had times where I’ve felt overwhelmed and mentally drained. It hurts to see that I’m still out of work after all this time, and I sometimes dismiss the things I have achieved like they don’t count. But I’ve opened up about this because keeping it all in would’ve made things worse. I know I’m not where I want to be, but I haven’t stopped trying. I still believe I’ll get there, even if it’s taking longer than I hoped. Again I'm sorry for being like a broken record repeating everything but it is hard, I'm sorry if I'm fustrating anyone.
I do feel pressured, like it’s a race, especially since it’s been about three years since I finished college and I still haven’t found where I want to be. Life moves fast sometimes. One minute people are in similar positions to me, and the next it feels like everyone is getting married, buying nice cars, moving out, or graduating. It’s so, so easy to feel left behind by it all. I really think it needs to be normalised that it’s okay not to know what you want to do in your twenties. Since finishing college, I’ve tried more training and other paths, but not everything’s gone to plan. Sometimes I didn’t pick things up fast enough, or it didn’t feel right. I’ve been searching for something that gives me direction. I want to be clear that I haven’t finished until I take my next steps, which could potentially be another course. That can feel a bit rubbish sometimes, especially after such a long road trying to get into work, but it might be the best way to get me there.
With my experiences and the way I feel about myself, I find it hard to take compliments. If someone has positive things to say about me but also negative things, the negative stuff overcrowds the positive. I feel any positive stuff people compliment me on isn’t good enough. I know I haven’t given up. I’m still trying. It really gets me down being out of work. I don’t want to live a life with no structure or purpose, and that honestly scares me more than anything. If I believed that’s how things would always be, I’d feel completely hopeless. I’ve had times where I’ve felt overwhelmed and mentally drained. It hurts to see that I’m still out of work after all this time, and I sometimes dismiss the things I have achieved like they don’t count. But I’ve opened up about this because keeping it all in would’ve made things worse. I know I’m not where I want to be, but I haven’t stopped trying. I still believe I’ll get there, even if it’s taking longer than I hoped. Again I'm sorry for being like a broken record repeating everything but it is hard, I'm sorry if I'm fustrating anyone.
Post edited by Redemption on
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