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Update
Redemption
Community Connector Posts: 4,591 The Mix Elder
Im sorry to keep whinging and posting about everything but this was on my mind today so thought it might help talking about it. I’ve had 2 days of my course now and my head’s been full of thoughts. I keep overthinking everything like am I doing this right, do I seem weird, am I saying the wrong thing, am I being judged. I don’t seem to actually be judged but I’m scared I am, you know what I mean. Even little things like do I look ok, am I struggling too much with the tasks. I think a lot of this comes from previous times where I thought things were going well just like now but then I failed. Also I’m just not where I want to be in life right now and that plays a big part in these feelings. I worry a lot about people who seem to have done better than me in life. I’ve been constantly reminding myself not to compare myself to others but I’ve been finding it impossible not to to be honest. Hopefully it will come over time. I think maybe it’s improved a little but I still definitely find it hard not to do.
I’m still trying to figure out who the right people are to talk to and who’s not because I’ve had quite a few bad experiences with friends or people falling out, getting taken advantage of, not being respected. I’ve made mistakes myself too I admit I haven’t always been the nicest. On top of that I just get kinda stressed with the bus too.The timetable hasn’t been accurate, I thought I missed it but it turned out to be late but the timetable says it’s already gone. I don’t really like the bus. I wish it was busier and better for parking so I could drive instead. But honestly it feels like I’m doing okay this time. The people there seem nice, the staff haven’t said anything bad and some others even said they want to work on their confidence too which makes me feel less alone. There’s this woman who only moved to the UK a few months ago. She came to meet me at the bus stop and walked me back too which was really kind. I did feel a bit embarrassed though like she’s new here and already has a job and confidence while I’m still trying to find my way in my own city. I know I’m showing up and trying and hopefully this course will help me stop questioning myself so much. Some of these I do every day but it all happens when I'm in new places or meeting new people and stuff like that.
In general I worry about coming across as a bad person because from the face of it, it might seem like that, being someone 20s, not having a job, not had one before and I've kicked off a couple of times recently and maybe a couple of other stuff people might have mixed opinions on, like we shouldn't judge a book by its cover but unfortnately some people do. Really I try not be a bad person, I'm trying to be nice and trying to get a job and it will happen hopefully soon, thats what this course is for. Like the course I don't worry about looking like a bad person because people are in similar stage to me and just me me but the other stuff above still stand.
I’m still trying to figure out who the right people are to talk to and who’s not because I’ve had quite a few bad experiences with friends or people falling out, getting taken advantage of, not being respected. I’ve made mistakes myself too I admit I haven’t always been the nicest. On top of that I just get kinda stressed with the bus too.The timetable hasn’t been accurate, I thought I missed it but it turned out to be late but the timetable says it’s already gone. I don’t really like the bus. I wish it was busier and better for parking so I could drive instead. But honestly it feels like I’m doing okay this time. The people there seem nice, the staff haven’t said anything bad and some others even said they want to work on their confidence too which makes me feel less alone. There’s this woman who only moved to the UK a few months ago. She came to meet me at the bus stop and walked me back too which was really kind. I did feel a bit embarrassed though like she’s new here and already has a job and confidence while I’m still trying to find my way in my own city. I know I’m showing up and trying and hopefully this course will help me stop questioning myself so much. Some of these I do every day but it all happens when I'm in new places or meeting new people and stuff like that.
In general I worry about coming across as a bad person because from the face of it, it might seem like that, being someone 20s, not having a job, not had one before and I've kicked off a couple of times recently and maybe a couple of other stuff people might have mixed opinions on, like we shouldn't judge a book by its cover but unfortnately some people do. Really I try not be a bad person, I'm trying to be nice and trying to get a job and it will happen hopefully soon, thats what this course is for. Like the course I don't worry about looking like a bad person because people are in similar stage to me and just me me but the other stuff above still stand.
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Comments
First of all, no need to apologise for posting about how you feel – it’s what we are here for. I think starting anything new can be a daunting and anxiety-provoking experience for just about anyone and probably the people there on the course with you are experiencing similar thoughts and feelings. Hopefully you start to feel more relaxed and settled in the coming sessions you do.
What I can also say is you’re definitely not a bad person – everyone goes through their own challenges and struggles, we all make mistakes. What matters is whether we let that all define us or if we use it as opportunity to grow and develop as a person. Fingers crossed you’re able to get a job soon too – I feel it coming for you as I type this.
Sending hugs
Thank you so much @sinead276 you got me feeling emotional with that response, I was reading it while I was at my course with everyone and I was just there getting a bit emotional reading it haha. Really appreciate it.