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Why I worry about people thinking the worst of me
Redemption
Community Connector Posts: 4,591 The Mix Elder
I've had teachers who I thought were close to me but then I realized they were laughing at me. For example, in college I had a learning facilitator who seemed nice at first. I thought she genuinely cared and wasn’t just doing her job for the money but then I caught her chuckling at me and it felt like she wasn’t sincere. I remember feeling embarrassed but had to get it sorted so I spoke to my tutor and thankfully it was resolved though some people were just rude to me. I even had a mentor laugh at me when I tried to open up which made me feel really vulnerable and hurt. I know I've laughed at people myself and done obnoxious stuff but when it comes from professionals you think are close like a mentor or counsellor who is meant to be non-judgmental it hits differently. Then came setbacks being told things aren’t for me feeling like a failure and with more fallouts with friends failures and negative encounters it all hits me harder because it just keeps adding up.
Over the past few years this has affected me more and more in my later years. It’s the stupid stuff I do too like being late for a work placement that cost me the opportunity or saying stupid things that make people laugh at me. I feel broken and wonder what’s wrong with me. It’s like I can’t help myself. This wasn’t the only time. Another learning facilitator laughed at me and my whole class and a new teacher once laughed while introducing us.
Over the past few years this has affected me more and more in my later years. It’s the stupid stuff I do too like being late for a work placement that cost me the opportunity or saying stupid things that make people laugh at me. I feel broken and wonder what’s wrong with me. It’s like I can’t help myself. This wasn’t the only time. Another learning facilitator laughed at me and my whole class and a new teacher once laughed while introducing us.
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Comments
People laughing at you doesn't help and feels humiliating upsetting. I'm one of those that says before thinking it just comes out and them people might laugh and I don't like it.
Yh it really hurts like it affects us further down the line like we think teachers genuinely cared about but to me it doesn't seem that way anymore, it feels like an act when they care, kind of ruins that in everyone makes me feel like everyone thinks badly of me tbh because we trust teachers and they do that. Like peers who do it like other students etc not ideal but like it happens like but professionals who do it that hits harder like I feel that I'm that stupid that they become unprofessional. Thanks a lot for replying anyways, hope you're both OK.
Cheers morgs
To be laughed at by your past teachers and mentor sounds so paiunful, @Redemption . I winced as I was reading your message, hearing how they made you feel embarrased and self-conscious. That sounds extreamly hard, and no one has a right to laugh at you, esspecially people in positions of power and support like that. It is totally valid that you sound those moments incredibly upsetting, Redemption, and I'm hearing that the fear of being treated the same way in the future is hard to shake sometimes.
When you are feeling afraid about other people thinking the worst of you, I wonder if there have been any helpful mantras or affirmations that you like to use, or any other coping tools that bring you comfort?
We're here for you.
Hey @Sian321 thanks so much for your reply, really appreciate it. I'm not too sure about mantras or affirmations that Id like to use, or any other coping tools that bring me comfort, I'll check it out.