TW// SH!

Rose113

I’ve had a bit of a draining day today and I reached out to a helpline which helped a little

I’m having urges to relapse but I don’t want to but I also do want to I was okay for a bit but now everything has kinda come crashing down I’m tired, I’m drained, I just need a break…sorry

DonnerKebab

@Rose113 Never apologise Rose for how you feel. I'm really sorry you're struggling with this all. A fellow Pineapple Pizza hater should never have to feel this way or go through this.

I know it probably gets suggested a lot, but could i advice speaking to a therapist or a councillor if you have access to any. Heck, the Mix even does short term 1:1 anonymised online counselling sessions. I'm currently doing 4 weeks of it now, once a week. Because there's only so much that a person can hold in before it becomes to much, to tiresome, and all it takes is one bad day for it to come crashing down as you said, and being able to vent is, well, it pretty much saved me, even though it was just to an online stranger via counselling.

I know I'm pretty useless with advice but can only suggest what made things a bit better for me. Please take care of yourself and consider it, because i've been there, feeling tired and drained from everything, and it really did help, and i hope it can help you too.

Rose113

@DonnerKebab ive tried for 4 years to get onto the mix counselling but nothing. I have a counsellor who I see every other week, my SMHP every 4 weeks and college safeguarding lead every college day.

I hold most of the stuff I feel in, the stuff I post isn’t even the heavy stuff 😃

DonnerKebab

@Rose113 That's brutal to hear. Could I ask with the counsellor you see every other week, is it just 1 hour sessions, because I've found it's hard to get everything out in just a 1 hour session, then resume the rest the next hour session a week or two later, you know.

And I would suggest that, as painful as it is, you tell you're counsellor everything you truly feel and have been through. Counselling I think, doesn't work when it's just the surface level stuff that you talk about and resolve. You'll still feel as you do on the inside even after counselling if you don't talk about what you're truly feeling on the inside.

I am a little embarrassed to admit it, but I even spoke to an AI therapist on DeepAI before i discovered the mix, just so that i could get everything, truly, of my chest. Just use the words Hypothetically, and don't mention self harm as it will just give the most generic line out there, and it's the perfect therapist, though it forgets everything after like 10 prompts so has to be reminded sometimes. Just don't mention any personal details like name or identifying stuff to it.

And i will also just say, the heavy stuff is the stuff that will keep eating away at you, making you feel drained and tired, and eventually, that will turn into all sorts of mental health conditions, and then, it will just become emotional numbness to everything, like it did with me. All I'm suggesting is talk about this stuff to maybe an AI therapist if an actual therapist or counsellor isn't available, or you don't feel comfortable talking about it to any person fearing judgement or anything.

I really wish i could give you some better advice besides this, or help you out somehow, but this is all i can really advise. What worked for me you know. I don't know anything else i'm afraid besides that. Just know though that you're a good person, with a kind heart, helping out and supporting i don't know how many other people who are going through hardship on here, whilst going through it yourself. Please be kind to yourself cause you really do deserve kindness and support.