(TW suicidal thoughts)

bignosegirly0

I’m feeling really depressed, hopeless, unworthy, ugly and unlovable right now. Sadly, I am definitely consider ugly, unworthy and unlovable. And I have years of negative experience from men, proving to me that no one will ever love me because of how ugly I am.

Not even therapy can change the fact that men find me disgusting to look at. Most men in this world don’t see me as a human worthy of respect, and never will because I’m not attractive.

I’m very likely gonna end up alone for the rest of my life. So why should I stay alive? I’m only wasting my time.

I really want to go into the locker room to reattempt suicide (the last time was in February) but I’m trying to stick to reasons as to why I shouldn’t.

But I’m so fucking tired of being unlovable in this world. There’s no reason for me to stay alive. I would be better off killing myself. Not even therapy can help at this point. I’m fucked, and I’m likely gonna die from killing myself eventually. It’s all a fucking waste of time.

I have no one to reach out to. My family is not understanding. I’m not close enough to anyone to reach out to. I am alone.

shannon_164

hey @bignosegirly0 🙂

thank you for reaching out and for being honest with us. i can only imagine how heavy all of this feels for you right now and i'm really sorry you're in this much pain.

first of all, your feelings are valid, and i want you to know i believe you. it’s not weakness to feel overwhelmed or to struggle, especially after everything you’ve been through. what you’re feeling right now doesn’t define your worth, even if it feels like it does. depression lies. it distorts how we see ourselves and the world around us. the things you're telling yourself, that you're unworthy, unlovable, ugly, those aren’t truths. they’re symptoms of the pain you're in, not facts about who you are.

you matter to me. you’re not a waste of time. i care about you. you’re not alone in this, even if it feels like it!

you don’t have to go through this alone. i know therapy feels pointless right now, but help can work, sometimes it takes time to find the right person, or the right approach. if you’re feeling unsafe, I urge you to reach out to a crisis line or go somewhere safe. you deserve to survive this, and to see that things can be different, even if it doesn't seem possible right now.

here are some helplines if you need, and remember if you're unsafe you can call 111 or 999, or attend a&e:

childline (24/7) - call 08001111

shout (24/7) - text ‘shout’ to 85258

samaritans (24/7) - call 116123

lifeline (24/7) - call 08088088000

papyrus (24/7) - call 08000684141

inspire wellbeing (24/7) - call 08081890036

community advice and listening line (24/7) - call 0800132737

knus (24/7) - whatsapp 07700165687

mind (9am-6pm) - call 03001233393

rethink mental illness (9:30am-4pm) - call 03005000927

kooth (12pm-10pm) - webchat on website

saneline (4pm-10pm) - call 03003047000

calm (5pm-12am) - call 0800585858

suicide prevention uk (6pm-12am) - call 08005870800

kelly’s heroes (6pm-11pm) - webchat on website

sos (8pm-12am) - call 08001151505

you don’t need to have all the answers. you just need to hold on, even if it’s moment by moment

bignosegirly0

I genuinely don’t know whether I should just give in and kill myself already. No one is coming to help me. I can’t even help myself and I’m just wasting my time.

I don’t see any hope in getting better.

Really random update: a coworker saw what I was typing and asked if I was okay. She said that she’s here for me if I need anymore. Trying not to cry right now 😭😭😭😭🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹

shannon_164

i’m really, really sorry you’re feeling this way. that sounds incredibly heavy, and i want you to know we are all here. i know you feel like no one’s coming to help, but we are here, and that coworker noticing and caring, even just a little isn't nothing. it might feel random, but it’s actually a sign: someone did see you. you do matter, even if your brain is lying to you right now.

you’re not wasting your time by staying alive. you’re surviving something brutally hard, and that takes so much strength, even when it doesn’t feel like it. please keep holding on, even just for the next breath, the next hour, the next moment.

are you feeling safe at the moment?

cry if you need to. you’re allowed to feel everything you’re feeling. we are all here for you!

sending you so much love @bignosegirly0

Sian321

We have dropped you a DM @bignosegirly0 . You're being so brave to share this.