(Brief suicidal thoughts) not being able to prove myself kills me inside

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suicidal feelings

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Redemption

I'm really sorry you're feeling this way. You’re not alone, even if it feels like it right now. Wanting to be seen, respected, and loved is deeply human but your worth isn’t defined by those who hurt you. You don’t need to prove anything to people who never saw your value in the first place. Please talk to someone you trust or a mental health professional your life matters, and you deserve help and support.

Got a support helpline here for you, they're open now when I'm typing this, open 5pm till midnight everyday

https://www.thecalmzone.net/

Stay strong

shannon_164

hey @bignosegirly0 🙂

thank you so much for sharing how you are feeling with us, that kind of vulnerability takes so much strength, especially when you’re talking about pain that runs deep and goes all the way back to childhood. i’m really sorry you’re feeling this way, and i want you to know that you do not need to prove your worth to people who once made you feel small.

what they did to you, how they treated you back then, says everything about them and nothing about what you deserve in life. i completely get the craving for validation, especially from the very people who wounded you. it’s like, if they could just see you now, maybe it would undo the damage. maybe you could finally feel free? that feeling is valid, but the truth is their opinion is not the path to your healing. if anything, chasing their approval just keeps you tied to the pain they caused in a way.

you are already worth loving, you are already someone who means something in this world, not when you’re lusted after, not when you’re called pretty, not when someone from your past acknowledges your growth, but right now, as you are, and i know that might not feel true yet, but please let it sit with you.

being autistic, being different, having scars from bullying, those things don’t make you less worthy of love, connection, or happiness. they make you real. they make you someone who has survived in spite of the cruelty of others, and that’s powerful.

i know you feel like if you don’t get validation from men or from those old classmates, you’ll be alone forever, but that’s the lie pain tells you when it wants to keep you small. the truth is, real love, real friendship, and real connection come when you no longer have to perform for it, and there are people out there who will see you and love you without conditions, without you needing to “prove” you’re worthy first.

please don’t let the voices of your past be the judge of your future, and please, please don’t believe the lie that the only alternative is to end your life. you are not alone, and you are not unlovable.

if things ever get to a point where you feel like you’re in danger, please reach out - you deserve support and you deserve peace.

if you need, here are some helplines:

shout (24/7) - text ‘shout’ to 85258

samaritans (24/7) - call 116123

lifeline (24/7) - call 08088088000

papyrus (24/7) - call 08000684141

inspire wellbeing (24/7) - call 08081890036

community advice and listening line (24/7) - call 0800132737

knus (24/7) - whatsapp 07700165687

mind (9am-6pm) - call 03001233393

rethink mental illness (9:30am-4pm) - call 03005000927

kooth (12pm-10pm) - webchat on website

saneline (4pm-10pm) - call 03003047000

calm (5pm-12am) - call 0800585858

suicide prevention uk (6pm-12am) - call 08005870800

kelly’s heroes (6pm-11pm) - webchat on website

sos (8pm-12am) - call 08001151505

i’m so proud of you