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An apology from a Wounded Heart

I'm sorry I flinch at kindness,
like it's a trick I haven’t learned to trust.
I'm sorry I stare too much sometimes,
lost in a world that stole too much of me
I zone out when it gets too loud—
even when the room is quiet.
My mind slips away to survive
The sudden terrors of sounds I hear
They lurk in the background, I hear them
I'm sorry for the times I act out,
when fear is covered by anger,
when my voice sharpens and the barriers within come alive
even when im not angry just scared and tired of hurting.
I know it’s hard to understand
why I cry so randomly
or why I get upset over things that don’t make sense to you.
They don’t always make sense to me either
Sometimes I just cry because I fear my brain
I'm sorry Im too much to handle
I’m sorry I’m not good enough
all at once I just cause a mess
I'm trying to learn how to be safe in my skin
My trauma being a key of the unsafe world
A map of the life I used to live
Of places and people that still haunt me
Filled with fears I still can’t face
I love, but it’s different
I care in different ways
I love without physical touch
I love without the “I love you”
I’m sorry for the mess that I am
Im sorry for being who I am
Im sorry for always panicking over slight things
Text tone, no emojis, slight tone change
I’m sorry I overthink
I’m really trying to heal
But it feels impossible to do
When I’m still only surviving
Not living
like it's a trick I haven’t learned to trust.
I'm sorry I stare too much sometimes,
lost in a world that stole too much of me
I zone out when it gets too loud—
even when the room is quiet.
My mind slips away to survive
The sudden terrors of sounds I hear
They lurk in the background, I hear them
I'm sorry for the times I act out,
when fear is covered by anger,
when my voice sharpens and the barriers within come alive
even when im not angry just scared and tired of hurting.
I know it’s hard to understand
why I cry so randomly
or why I get upset over things that don’t make sense to you.
They don’t always make sense to me either
Sometimes I just cry because I fear my brain
I'm sorry Im too much to handle
I’m sorry I’m not good enough
all at once I just cause a mess
I'm trying to learn how to be safe in my skin
My trauma being a key of the unsafe world
A map of the life I used to live
Of places and people that still haunt me
Filled with fears I still can’t face
I love, but it’s different
I care in different ways
I love without physical touch
I love without the “I love you”
I’m sorry for the mess that I am
Im sorry for being who I am
Im sorry for always panicking over slight things
Text tone, no emojis, slight tone change
I’m sorry I overthink
I’m really trying to heal
But it feels impossible to do
When I’m still only surviving
Not living
Sometimes when the people most like you don't love you, it is a hurt that can cause the greatest pain, and this pain can lead you to hate everything.
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