Your Guide to Supporting Each Other

TheMix

Hi all!

We often use the term ‘supporting each other’ here on the boards and in other chat spaces, and we figured we would give a guide to what this is and how you can try to provide this for other members of the Community.

What do we mean by supporting each other?
Good question! The definition we tend to run with is: Where people with similar experiences or feelings can share these in a way that feels comfortable for them without any judgement. This can help you understand your own experiences better and help you learn from others by offering that sense of connection, which can reduce loneliness and isolation for everyone involved.

Why are we supporting others?
Supporting others is the foundation of Communities like ours, as you folks are similar in ages and experiences and can offer advice/your own experiences in ways that moderators and staff cannot. We hope to cultivate a culture where everyone can support each other, and not feel that they need to wait for replies from moderators or staff, who are generally around to keep the spaces safe and within guidelines.

But how do I support others?
A few key things to keep in mind when giving support:

Active Listening

• Make it clear that you are listening
• Things like “take your time” or “we are here to listen” or “the Community values you”
• Kind emojis such as hearts, smiles etc
• Ask questions for more details to show you are engaged
• Call back to previous points they’ve made in the discussion, if they listed things bothering them then can always redirect and ask them about one of the other topics
• “I can see/understand/hear why you would feel X”
• Try not to go straight into talking about personal experiences - if you can relate and express that then that's great! But be sure to hear what the other person’s experiences first
• “You only have to share as much as you are comfortable with”
• “You’ve been brave to open up”/We appreciate that you have opened up to us, it can be hard etc

Asking questions

• Asking about their support network is always a good start
• Asking if they want practical support, emotional support, validation etc
• Asking what have they found helpful in the past
• Ask questions which prompt an answer which is more than a couple of words (aka open questions), such as “What was it like to tell your parents?” rather than “Did telling your parents go well?”

Shared Experiences

• Try to put yourself in their shoes and see what you think you would feel like, ask them if they do feel like this
• If someone else offers peer support and you really especially like something they’ve said then can say things like “I agree with X especially when they said___”
• If you have felt something similar or a situation resonates then you can say what may have helped you or what other things you feel and ask if they might feel the same
• You do not need to ‘fix’ problems or have any answers, a listening ear is enough!

Differences between chats and board replies?
Chats are a bit more fast paced so replies can be shorter and more frequent/broken up into different messages, but this does not mean that your board replies need to be a huge wall of text! Mods or staff may provide longer replies but this doesn’t mean you need to feel you have to. One piece of emotional support, reflecting back on one feeling, asking one open question is more than enough to help someone feel seen and supported.

For example: “Hi X, thank you for sharing today, you’ve been really brave to open up like this. It sounds like you’ve been feeling quite depressed and a bit isolated by your friends, which can be super tough to deal with. How have you been handling these feelings at the moment?”. If you wanted to add in your own experience or anything like that, then this is totally okay!

Self-care

• Of course we want to see as much support as possible so that the community can be as connected as possible, but this should not come at the cost of your own well-being! Ask yourself if you have enough mental energy to support at that moment. Even replying once or twice can make a huge difference regardless.
• Try to come up with a little plan for yourself if you feel a bit funky or drained after helping support, perhaps having a bath or lighting candles, or anything you find calming and soothing.
• Remember to be kind to yourself with the demand of supporting others, it can get exhausting and it’s okay not to be able to sometimes.
• Supporting others can also make you feel better sometimes as it can give that sense of helping out and connecting with others.

Remember: There are no set rules for supporting your peers, but these are some guides and tips you can use. At the end of the day, the most important thing is letting someone know that there is someone listening and cares about their valid feelings.

Does anyone have any questions about supporting your fellow members here on Community?

Is there anything specific we could provide / do to help you feel more confident supporting your fellow members here on Community?