Forgiving Myself

HensAny779

Hi All,

Hope you are all well!

I am not sure if I posted this in the correct category, apologies in advance.

A couple of days ago I got into my first car accident, to sum it up it was my fault, nobody was injured details were exchanged smoothly etc.

The issue is that I am struggling with forgiving myself, I know people are allowed to make mistakes but I have a tendency of being a perfectionist and the mindset of not being allowed to make mistakes. I have been feeling rather suicidal since the incident and don't really know who to turn to, I have a fear that nobody will take me seriously when I tell them how significantly this incident has impacted me. I keep having panic attacks and replaying the scenario over and over again in my head, because of this I have completely gone off food and not really been able to sleep. I feel like such a failure for making such a stupid mistake. I am quite concerned that I will struggle to get over this and trust myself again.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated and thank you for taking the time to read my post.

shannon_164

hey @HensAny779 🙂

i’m really sorry you’re feeling this way. i know how overwhelming it can be to make a mistake, especially when you hold yourself to such high standards, but please try to be gentle with yourself, one accident does not define you or your worth. you’re not a failure, and you’re not alone in this.

it makes sense that this is hitting you so hard, especially if you struggle with perfectionism. when something goes wrong, it’s easy to spiral into self-blame and replay it over and over, but the truth is, mistakes happen. no one is immune to them, and they don’t make you any less capable or worthy. the fact that no one was hurt and that everything was handled smoothly shows that, even in a tough moment, you managed the situation responsibly.

the most important thing right now is taking care of yourself. i know your mind is probably racing, but please don’t keep these feelings bottled up. you could reach out to someone you trust, a friend, family member, therapist, or even a helpline. you deserve to be taken seriously, and your pain is valid. you don’t have to go through this alone.

here are some helplines in case you need:

childline (24/7) - call 08001111

shout (24/7) - text ‘shout’ to 85258

samaritans (24/7) - call 116123

lifeline (24/7) - call 08088088000

papyrus (24/7) - call 08000684141

inspire wellbeing (24/7) - call 08081890036

community advice and listening line (24/7) - call 0800132737

knus (24/7) - whatsapp 07700165687

mind (9am-6pm) - call 03001233393

rethink mental illness (9:30am-4pm) - call 03005000927

kooth (12pm-10pm) - webchat on website

saneline (4pm-10pm) - call 03003047000

calm (5pm-12am) - call 0800585858

suicide prevention uk (6pm-12am) - call 08005870800

kelly’s heroes (6pm-11pm) - webchat on website

sos (8pm-12am) - call 08001151505

we’re all here for you, and we all believe in you. you will get through this, even if it doesn’t feel like it right now. please be kind to yourself and don’t hesitate to reach out if you need to talk. you’re not alone

Sian321

Hey @HensAny779 , firstly thank you so much for your vulnerabiliy and trust in posting this. It can be so, so hard to talk about the things we're struggling to forgive ourselves for, but we're here to listen without judgement, and you are so deserving of compassion around this from both us as a Community and from yourself.

Getting into the car accident sounds like it might have been very stressful and scary in and of itself, and what I'm hearing is that following this event you've been feeling a very strong level of responsbility, guilt, and self-blame for what happened, to the point where the events keep playing over and over in your mind relentlessly and you've also been having thoughts of suicide. That sounds so scary for you, and also very all-consuming. It sounds as though your mind is allowing you no rest and its hard to focus on anything else. And it feels almost impossible to you to think about how you could forgive yourself for what's happened or begin to have some compassion for how much you're suffering right now.

You're doing so well to open up about this, and I appreciate it might not feel easy. It is so valid that this event has been incredibly impactful for you. It sounds like what's happened has really shaken your sense of self-trust at a very deep level, and that can feel genuinely terrifying to experience.

You mentioned that you feel like a faliure, and I wonder if you'd be comfortable sharing some more about this feeling? In what ways do you feel you have failed?

I realise it might feel extreamly hard to do, but I wonder if a dear friend of yours were to have been in your position during the car accident and they were also being very hard on themselves, what might you say to them? If they told you they felt like a faliure, how might you respond?

Can I also ask if there's anyone in your life who you've felt able to talk to about this? Experiencing a car-accident can be a shock, no matter the circumstances. And you deserve space to process this.

It can be incredibly tough to come to terms with making 'mistakes', esspecially when we usually hold ourselves to a standard of being 'perfect'. However, mistakes are also deeply human. They can feel messy, and scary - yes, but we all make them. Each and every person. For all of us, we're learning every single day how to live, how to be, how to grow. And it's okay for us to not have all the answers, or to show up 'perfectly' every single time. That being said, esspecially if other people in our lives have told us we have to be perfect for them to be accepted or worthy, allowing ourselves to 'slip up' or have a 'mistake' sometimes can also feel hugely risky, frightening, and vulnerable. And that's valid too. Learning how to give ourselves grace can take time. And you know what - even making this post today counts as a step in the direction of forgiveness! You've taken the time to write down your feelings and get them off your chest. That feels like an act of self-care right there!

Take all the time you need, @HensAny779 , and thank you so much @shannon_164 for sharing some Helplines that are here for you if you do feel suicidal.

We're all here to listen in full support of you!

HensAny779

Hi @shannon_164 and @Sian321

Thank you both for the kind words and external perspective on my situation.

In terms of answering your questions.

I have always had the idea that I am not allowed to mess up and even one mistake is one too many so I tend to punish myself severely... I think that is from growing up, I was scrutinised by every mistake that I did and always had the full blame put on me. So through all my life every small mistake will be a big deal.

I don't really have anyone that is close to me that I trust so I have not been able to talk about this issue whatsoever.