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update (tw? - suicide attempt)
toffuna101 Posts: 1,816
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so where have i been these past few months since ive been gone? well. its complicated. basically because of the data reset i was scared that i was going to permanently lose my account so i refrained from going on the website for literally up until today. i officially came back yesterday on my pc though because it had to update and all of that good stuff. let me try to tell you briefly about what happened since i was away:
- today i received an email from a university saying that i had become a finalist for an essay competition. basically the uni received thousands of submissions but i was somehow part of that 20% who had gotten into the finale. i cant believe i actually became a finalist. knowing that i dont want to get into uni anymore and their university is specifically focused on getting people into uni. i emailed them saying that i cant come to their venue because its too far away and asking if thats alright. but in the back of my head im thinking could this be a mistake? surely not. but at the same time people can mistakes and send out the wrong email to people. my essay was on a random criminology topic since i was and still kinda am obsessed with criminology. but i realise now that just because you have a special interest it shouldnt mean that you have to study a degree for it. especially if the job prospects afterwards are low.
- my job prospects. ah yes. the dreaded topic that a lot of young people dont want to talk about. at first i wanted to be a probation officer but its hard to become one so i just set that as a back-up career. now i want to volunteer and hopefully work for services for young people. this is because i joined the youth council and the bronze duke of edinburgh project whilst i was away and i got inspired by my youth worker(s) to work for services for young people. so its a win win. if i volunteer and work there i get to help young people that is in the same situation as me. i want volunteer for services for young people when im 18 and work for them when im 19.
- that brings me onto my next topic. dropping out of sixth form and applying for college. yes, i dropped out of sixth form whilst i was away. i studied english literature, sociology and psychology for my a levels. but as time passed by i slowly realised that sixth form wasnt for me. i had no friends, physical and mental health issues and i didnt particularly like the a levels that i was studying. so i just dropped out of education. however im still technically at my school because i do work shadowing in the library one hour a day five days a week. it gives my parents a breath of fresh air to know that im doing something whilst preparing for college. i applied at my local college and got an unconditional offer from it because i already had the gcse grades to study my course. the course that im hopefully going to study in september is a t level in management and administration. which is basically a business course with work placement in between.
- my suicide attempt. probably the most serious topic i need to cover. i wont tell you how i tried to do it because that would give people ideas but i ended up having to go to A&E because of it. i didnt get sectioned however the camhs clinician told me that my psychiatrist will give me anti-depressants and they discharged me. im glad that i didnt get sectioned but at the same time im still annoyed that they didnt do much. they literally just gave my dad a leaflet and told me to go home. but realistically what can the camhs crisis team do? especially since i wasnt in my respective county where the hospital was located in.
so i think thats everything that i need to cover for now. if i missed anything ill make sure to add it on here.
- today i received an email from a university saying that i had become a finalist for an essay competition. basically the uni received thousands of submissions but i was somehow part of that 20% who had gotten into the finale. i cant believe i actually became a finalist. knowing that i dont want to get into uni anymore and their university is specifically focused on getting people into uni. i emailed them saying that i cant come to their venue because its too far away and asking if thats alright. but in the back of my head im thinking could this be a mistake? surely not. but at the same time people can mistakes and send out the wrong email to people. my essay was on a random criminology topic since i was and still kinda am obsessed with criminology. but i realise now that just because you have a special interest it shouldnt mean that you have to study a degree for it. especially if the job prospects afterwards are low.
- my job prospects. ah yes. the dreaded topic that a lot of young people dont want to talk about. at first i wanted to be a probation officer but its hard to become one so i just set that as a back-up career. now i want to volunteer and hopefully work for services for young people. this is because i joined the youth council and the bronze duke of edinburgh project whilst i was away and i got inspired by my youth worker(s) to work for services for young people. so its a win win. if i volunteer and work there i get to help young people that is in the same situation as me. i want volunteer for services for young people when im 18 and work for them when im 19.
- that brings me onto my next topic. dropping out of sixth form and applying for college. yes, i dropped out of sixth form whilst i was away. i studied english literature, sociology and psychology for my a levels. but as time passed by i slowly realised that sixth form wasnt for me. i had no friends, physical and mental health issues and i didnt particularly like the a levels that i was studying. so i just dropped out of education. however im still technically at my school because i do work shadowing in the library one hour a day five days a week. it gives my parents a breath of fresh air to know that im doing something whilst preparing for college. i applied at my local college and got an unconditional offer from it because i already had the gcse grades to study my course. the course that im hopefully going to study in september is a t level in management and administration. which is basically a business course with work placement in between.
- my suicide attempt. probably the most serious topic i need to cover. i wont tell you how i tried to do it because that would give people ideas but i ended up having to go to A&E because of it. i didnt get sectioned however the camhs clinician told me that my psychiatrist will give me anti-depressants and they discharged me. im glad that i didnt get sectioned but at the same time im still annoyed that they didnt do much. they literally just gave my dad a leaflet and told me to go home. but realistically what can the camhs crisis team do? especially since i wasnt in my respective county where the hospital was located in.
so i think thats everything that i need to cover for now. if i missed anything ill make sure to add it on here.
Post edited by Claire28 on
4
Comments
Community Champion Posts: 1,290
Wise Owl
it sounds like there has been a lot, and like the past few months have been a whirlwind of challenges, realisations, and big changes!
firstly, huge congrats on becoming a finalist in that essay competition! that is a massive achievement, and you should be really proud of yourself. even if uni isn’t the path you want to take, it’s still a testament to your hard work and talent, and yeah, i totally get the doubts creeping in about whether it was a mistake, but honestly, you earned that spot. you are there for a reason.
as for your job prospects, it’s really inspiring to see you figuring out what you want to do. working with young people, especially through volunteering, sounds like such a meaningful path. especially since you’ve had first hand experiences that can help you connect with others. i think it’s amazing that you’re taking steps toward something that resonates with you. i totally get that feeling as i am in the same position right now with my goals being youth work, and the voluntary work i’ve done so far has been super rewarding! there’s a place called charity jobs and they have a lotttt of voluntary roles on their website to do maybe that could be of some interest to you whenever you’re ready to look for voluntary roles, or even paid roles? i’ll pop the link here in case: https://www.charityjob.co.uk
dropping out of sixth form and switching to college is a huge decision, but it sounds like you made the right call for yourself. a levels aren’t for everyone, and if you were struggling with your mental and physical health, then stepping away was probably the best thing you could’ve done. plus , it’s great that you’ve already got an unconditional offer and a plan for september. that something solid to look forward to, and i really hope the t level course works out for you. i know sometimes dropping out of sixth form etc can leave people feeling behind, which is totally valid, but i am still at college now doing level 3 btec, so very behind most of the people i know, but i think it’s actually been a good thing as the course im doing now is something i wouldn’t have ever considered when i was going to college at 16! so just if you are feeling that you are behind, its ok that your path looks different - you’ve done something to help yourself, and that is so important!
i can’t even begin to imagine how hard things must have been for you to reach that point of trying to end your life. i’m incredibly grateful that you’re still here - you’ve deserve to be alive. it is SO frustrating that the system didn’t do more to support you, but please don’t let that make you feel like your pain isn’t valid or that you don’t deserve help, because that’s not true, however you feel is so valid and you are so deserving of help. you don’t have to go through this alone, we are all here for you!
i’m really proud of you for everything you’ve pushed through, and we will be always here, no matter what. you’ve got this, i believe in you
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