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Refused college again
Rose113
Community Champion Posts: 3,067 Boards Guru
in Work & Study
So here’s the back context
Monday ~So there’s a teaching assistant that hates my guts and I’ve never known why but usually stuff she’s done and said has been tolerable but on Monday it wasn’t which ended me walking out of class. She full on screamed at me for no reason and yelling is a trigger so I walked out and cried to my progress coach who took me back to class and got the teaching assistant out and she lied to the progress coach so I stormed off and my progress coach followed me so I broke down crying in the bathroom to her and said I’m not coming in the next day and I left. I phoned my mum sobbing and she came to pick me up because I couldn’t stop crying so she’s called my progress coach on Tuesday to speak to her about it because even my mum knows this isn’t knew and has been going on a long time.
So I had Tuesday off and went back in yesterday where I had to have a meeting with my tutor and basically she took the teaching assistant side (they all have) and basically said I was being over sensitive and also said that the teaching assistant has the rest of the week off because she is “upset” about it so I was upset about all that so I got on the bus as normal and then as soon as I saw my mum I bursted into tears and basically she said that I’m not going back next year and to withdraw my application as I don’t really need to do another year because long term is being an author and I’ve already got a book coming out etc so she said that after college is over in may to just get a job and obviously write and publish more books.
Today I refused to go in because I was just feeling so crappy about the situation and someone had ago at me on messages last night as well so couldn’t face it, I could tell my mum was annoyed about it this morning and I’ll get a lecture when she comes home but idrc she gets a clean and tidy house out of it and I get a day to just be on my own and blast music.
Also someone from college on messages said I need to forget about it and stop being upset over it which I get about moving on but my self harm says otherwise about moving on
So honestly today I’ve muted everyone from college because I’m just fed up with the people and college in general. Even Emma was being iffy about it saying she didn’t scream which she clearly did but whatever I don’t even speak to her anymore cos I’m a waste of her time and a waste of space in general. She would just safeguard me anyway so
Monday ~So there’s a teaching assistant that hates my guts and I’ve never known why but usually stuff she’s done and said has been tolerable but on Monday it wasn’t which ended me walking out of class. She full on screamed at me for no reason and yelling is a trigger so I walked out and cried to my progress coach who took me back to class and got the teaching assistant out and she lied to the progress coach so I stormed off and my progress coach followed me so I broke down crying in the bathroom to her and said I’m not coming in the next day and I left. I phoned my mum sobbing and she came to pick me up because I couldn’t stop crying so she’s called my progress coach on Tuesday to speak to her about it because even my mum knows this isn’t knew and has been going on a long time.
So I had Tuesday off and went back in yesterday where I had to have a meeting with my tutor and basically she took the teaching assistant side (they all have) and basically said I was being over sensitive and also said that the teaching assistant has the rest of the week off because she is “upset” about it so I was upset about all that so I got on the bus as normal and then as soon as I saw my mum I bursted into tears and basically she said that I’m not going back next year and to withdraw my application as I don’t really need to do another year because long term is being an author and I’ve already got a book coming out etc so she said that after college is over in may to just get a job and obviously write and publish more books.
Today I refused to go in because I was just feeling so crappy about the situation and someone had ago at me on messages last night as well so couldn’t face it, I could tell my mum was annoyed about it this morning and I’ll get a lecture when she comes home but idrc she gets a clean and tidy house out of it and I get a day to just be on my own and blast music.
Also someone from college on messages said I need to forget about it and stop being upset over it which I get about moving on but my self harm says otherwise about moving on
So honestly today I’ve muted everyone from college because I’m just fed up with the people and college in general. Even Emma was being iffy about it saying she didn’t scream which she clearly did but whatever I don’t even speak to her anymore cos I’m a waste of her time and a waste of space in general. She would just safeguard me anyway so
Sometimes when the people most like you don't love you, it is a hurt that can cause the greatest pain, and this pain can lead you to hate everything.
2
Comments
@Rose113 Im really sorry with what you're going through atm, not to make it about me but I can relate somewhat to issues at college, I faced them myself, I know how it can feel but I'm glad your mum is being supportive and it's amazing you have the goal to be an author, I wish you the best of luck in that. I know you can do it. The teaching assistant doesn't sound good at all, sounds completely in the wrong, the college should definitely be taking your side considering she was in the wrong, I'm very disappointed to hear they took her side, like you're clearly upset too. Im not surprised you aren't going back to college, it's great you have a plan, I'm glad to hear your mum is supporting with that too. You're extremely strong with dealing with everything you've been through and this. Please remember we're all here for you for anything. If you need anything you know where I am.
that sounds like such an awful situation, and i’m really sorry you’re dealing with it. it is completely understandable that you’re feeling hurt and frustrated, especially when it seems like no one is really listening to you or taking your side. you shouldn’t have to just “move on” when you were clearly treated unfairly, and being told you’re overreacting is just invalidating.
it is good to hear that your mum is backing you up in terms of not going back next year, especially since you already have a clear goal with your writing. you have got so much ahead of you, and a toxic environment isn’t worth your energy. right now, though, i get why it all feels overwhelming.
i know things feel really heavy right now, but you’re not a waste of space, and you’re not alone in this - we are all here for you