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Why I find it hard to be positive
TheNightmare
Posts: 3,361 Boards Guru
I've always struggled with worry and self-doubt. It feels like this worry has been with me for as long as I can remember, and sometimes I think it’s just part of who I am. From school to college, I’ve faced a lot of setbacks. I didn’t enjoy college, and once I finished, I was lost, unsure of what to do next. I tried different things, like a training course for a forklift truck, but it didn’t work out. After that, I started applying for jobs, but it's been tough, and a year has passed with no success. I’ve also been on a work programme since November 2023, hoping they would help me find a job, but nothing’s come of it so far.
Throughout all these experiences, I've often had that little voice in my head saying, "What if I fail?" I worry a lot about the future, especially since there’s no clear path after school or college. I’ve watched people around me seem to have smoother paths, going from school to college, getting an apprenticeship, then university, and eventually finding a job, while I’ve struggled to find a direction. My circumstances have made things harder, and I’ve dealt with these feelings of failure, especially when things don’t go well or when I get rejected after interviews. Even when I’ve been positive about new opportunities, things often don’t work out.
Volunteering has been another challenge. I was excited to learn new skills, like working on tills, but after a few weeks, I was told I wasn't suitable. That stung because I had been positive but also had those doubts in the back of my mind about being slow or not good enough. Despite all this, I still want to move forward and make a life for myself. I look at cars, houses, and relationships and feel like there’s no reason why I can’t have these things in the future. Even though things haven’t gone perfectly, I know I’m slowly making progress. I have a couple of options, I’ve got support, and I’m doing the right things. I’ve been working on rebuilding my self-confidence, and I feel more like myself again. I know that the first step is to get a job, any job, and see where it leads. I don’t know exactly what I want, but I need to get moving.
The community here has been a huge help, though. It’s a place where I feel understood and can talk openly about heavier and more personal issues. When things felt at their lowest, the support I’ve received has been essential. Without it, I would have been dealing with everything alone, and that would have made it harder to keep going. Everyone here is so encouraging, and that positivity has helped me push through tough times.
Throughout all these experiences, I've often had that little voice in my head saying, "What if I fail?" I worry a lot about the future, especially since there’s no clear path after school or college. I’ve watched people around me seem to have smoother paths, going from school to college, getting an apprenticeship, then university, and eventually finding a job, while I’ve struggled to find a direction. My circumstances have made things harder, and I’ve dealt with these feelings of failure, especially when things don’t go well or when I get rejected after interviews. Even when I’ve been positive about new opportunities, things often don’t work out.
Volunteering has been another challenge. I was excited to learn new skills, like working on tills, but after a few weeks, I was told I wasn't suitable. That stung because I had been positive but also had those doubts in the back of my mind about being slow or not good enough. Despite all this, I still want to move forward and make a life for myself. I look at cars, houses, and relationships and feel like there’s no reason why I can’t have these things in the future. Even though things haven’t gone perfectly, I know I’m slowly making progress. I have a couple of options, I’ve got support, and I’m doing the right things. I’ve been working on rebuilding my self-confidence, and I feel more like myself again. I know that the first step is to get a job, any job, and see where it leads. I don’t know exactly what I want, but I need to get moving.
The community here has been a huge help, though. It’s a place where I feel understood and can talk openly about heavier and more personal issues. When things felt at their lowest, the support I’ve received has been essential. Without it, I would have been dealing with everything alone, and that would have made it harder to keep going. Everyone here is so encouraging, and that positivity has helped me push through tough times.
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Comments
You described how you have faced a lot of setbacks over the years, which leave you worried and self-doubting. There's a little voice in your mind sometimes that says, 'what if I fail?' and sometimes the feeling of being worried has been with you for so long it feels like it's become a part of who you are. In the back of your mind, you've had doubts about being too slow or not good enough, and it's been hard to feel like 'yourself' when you're dealing with the constant up and downs of finding and pursuing opportunities and then navigating setbacks. You're working hard at re-building your confidence, and you want to rediscover a sense of momentum in life. I hear you, and it sounds like so much to be holding right now - all those doubts and questions and worries and hopes too.
May I ask, if that 'worry' you feel were a person in its own right, what do you imagine it would say to you, and what would it's greatest fear be do you think?
I also feel curious about that voice that whispers, 'What if I fail?' That sounds like a frightening thought, @TheNightmare , and I wonder what 'faliure' would mean? What would happen if you failed? What would that look like? Who would you be failing? We're here to listen without judgement and to be with you in this.
I hear you, and it sounds like it can feel really, seriously heavy some days to feel without direction. To be feeling stuck and struggling to find momentum. It's very, very draining
We're here with you, @TheNightmare and we're listening. Thank you for continuing to share with us, and I'm so glad to hear this space has felt supportive for you
Hey @Sian321 Thank you so much for your thoughtful response and for creating such a supportive space. I really appreciate you taking the time to listen and help me unpack everything I’m feeling. It’s been tough, but your words make me feel understood. The questions you asked are really good. If my worry were a person, I imagine it would be saying that I can’t do anything and I’m incapable. Failure would mean a lot to me, especially after all the setbacks I’ve faced. It would be tough, and it would affect me deeply. I want to do well in life and be semi-successful, at least, and reach my potential, but I’m just not sure how to get there or what steps to take. I think taking things step by step would help me get where I want to be. I need to take my time and not rush the process, being patient with myself and looking at my goals. Thanks again for being here and making this space feel so much more manageable. Your support really means a lot to me.
firstly, i just want to say that i really admire your resilience. even with all the setbacks and doubts, you’re still pushing forward, still looking for opportunities, and still holding onto the belief that you can build the life you want. that takes SO much strength, even if it doesn’t always feel like it!
i completely get why you feel like you’ve been stuck while others seem to have it all figured out, but the truth is, everyone’s path looks different, and yours isn’t “wrong” just because it hasn’t followed a straight line. what matters is that you are making progress, even if it’s slower or more frustrating than you’d like. every job application, every interview, every attempt, whether it works out or not, is still a step forward.
i know rejection hurts, especially when you’ve put in the effort and tried to stay positive, but being told you weren’t suitable for something does not mean you aren’t capable. it just means that maybe the role or environment wasn’t the right fit, not that you won’t find one that is? and honestly, the fact that you’re still determined after everything shows that you are capable, you just haven’t landed in the right place yet.
it is really great to hear that you’re feeling more like yourself again and that you recognise the support around you. you are absolutely right, sometimes the best thing to do is just take that first step, get into a job (any job), and see where it leads. you don’t need to have everything mapped out right now. what matters is that you keep going, and i have no doubt that you’ll find your way.
if it helps any, my dream was always to be cabin crew, i worked my way into the airport and was there for 3 years, left for 10 months but now back again, however, i’ve now realised that the airport is not where i want to be anymore, my dream is now youth work, something that i would have never ever expected for me! i think the hardest part was maybe accepting that the airport isn’t what i want anymore? since i spent so long with that being my dream and basing my gcses etc of that goal, but i have now accepted that! what i expected my journey to look like and what it has actually looked like is completely different, but that is ok!
remember, no matter what, you’re not alone in this. you have got us who see your effort, believe in you, and are rooting for you, always. you WILL get there one day - i believe in you
@shannon_164 really appreciate this, every other reply and all your support you're so incredible. Like it honestly means a lot. I don’t think I give myself enough credit for keeping at it, but hearing this from you makes me feel like maybe I should. And your own journey just proves how unexpected but worthwhile change can be. It’s reassuring to know that even when things don’t go as planned, they can still lead somewhere good. I’ll try to keep that in mind. And knowing I’ve got people like you rooting for me makes all the difference.