Struggling with my mood

Creativeboy23

Hello all.

I have been struggling with my mood. I have tried body scan mindfulness to bring my attention to the present but my mood has got worse, bringing up negative scenarios and other experiences. They have made me feel very low and overwhelmed. I have worked hard to help myself and am doing the best I can to get through my experience. I recognise that I did well to try mindfulness and challenge my thoughts and acknowledge my effort which can be challenging when we are going through challenging times.

I have been having thoughts that I was sharing experiences with helpline workers and they were correcting me, making me have to justify myself. Their correction came across being critical. I know that the thoughts are untrue. I have had negative experiences with helplines but they have not happened how my thoughts portrayed them. I have felt invalidated when having some past interactions. The thoughts made me see myself in a negative light, leading to feeling judged and isolated.

I anticipated a scenario where my uncle told me the experiences I will encounter as a sensitive person because he has had similar discussions. I got offended and left the restaurant and took a bus home. I was thinking that my uncle would be justifying his words to the family. I know this thought is not accurate either. He is not present so he would not be able to have a discussion with me. I know that it is okay to struggle with my mental health and that being sensitive is a strength because it makes me process situations which have upset me more deeply, leading to greater self awareness of experiences. I recognise that my feelings are valid regardless of how frequently I feel them. However, it is reasonable to worry about how others would be perceiving my sensitivity if they were present when others have focussed on it being problematic. It has made me think I am doing something wrong by being upset, which I know is not true as I have mentioned earlier.

I have been hesitant about who to share my feelings with because I have shared situations with helplines and have often felt worse than I felt before calling them. I know that having some negative experiences does not define all volunteers. I have felt heard a couple of times as well when I have contacted helplines. I know that it is important to call an organisation if I need immediate support but it is natural to worry about continuously having negative experiences with helplines as the events have made feel unsupported.