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Comparing myself to others
TheNightmare
Posts: 2,889 Boards Guru
I constantly compare myself to people my age because I feel so behind. Others are getting engaged, graduating, and securing good jobs, while I have never had a girlfriend, never been on a date, never been to university, do not even have my basic high school qualifications, never had a proper job, and have no income. I do not mind not being at university or married yet, but I do wish I had a job by now and maybe even a girlfriend. It probably would have helped me. I want a proper income with good savings, and it is getting to me that I do not have these things yet. I worry every day if they will ever happen. While people my age seem happy and enjoying life, I am just stressed, unhappy, and sometimes ashamed of myself. I tell people I am looking for work, which does not sound too bad, but it has been so long now that it just looks like I am not doing anything, like I am intentionally unemployed. I know I should not care what people think, but I do a lot. Luckily, I do not get judged much, but if someone did, especially someone doing well, it would really get to me and make me feel like shit. Sometimes I see someone I went to school with on social media and think what would they think of me. I feel like some people would laugh at me if they knew my situation.
Life is not straightforward, it is fucking tough, struggling and exhausting. Long term it has just been eating me up and it is going to continue. I do not get jealous because I know I will get certain things. I am not going to be out of work for life, it is too unrealistic. If I want other things enough, I know I will get them, but sometimes I feel negative and dwell on setbacks. I struggle to move past them and they affect my mindset, and I need to stop thinking about them. I am already a negative person, but these setbacks have made me even more negative, and I feel like I am the only one who has had them. It is not just certain people I compare myself to, I feel inferior to everyone because most people work and having a job is important. People my age are having kids or getting ready to start families, while I still need support myself with tasks. I just wonder, will I ever get to a point where I feel happier or satisfied with life? I want to do well and I am determined. I know things can change fast and other people’s situations are not always what they seem, but I should not rely on that to feel better. It should be good to see people doing well, and it is, but I just want to do well too.
The next steps for my wellbeing and mental health are to secure a paid role, which I need anyway and will help a lot, and to get some therapy like CBT or whatever is suitable. I have struggled to push myself to do therapy for years, I have accepted on and off that I need it but keep putting it off. It might sound like I am making excuses, but I am not, it is hard. I am genuinely trying to get into work, it is clear now, but I want to see real changes. Getting a job will change a lot of things I am unhappy with. I think therapy could help with other things too, but being out of work long term is likely to make most people feel down. I just feel a bit like crying with everything going on, and apart from here, I feel a bit alone. I am just grateful I have here where I can share how I feel every day and express my true feelings in detail. I am not judged here, and it is a special, rare, and tailored place for people struggling. I am also grateful that the community is very much here for me for a while because I am nowhere near ready to finish off yet, and I do hope that when that time eventually comes, I am ready. People say good things to me sometimes, but I find it hard to take in. Good things happen too, but I just feel like it’s not good enough and often compare them to others' achievements, wondering how I got here and how they got there.
Life is not straightforward, it is fucking tough, struggling and exhausting. Long term it has just been eating me up and it is going to continue. I do not get jealous because I know I will get certain things. I am not going to be out of work for life, it is too unrealistic. If I want other things enough, I know I will get them, but sometimes I feel negative and dwell on setbacks. I struggle to move past them and they affect my mindset, and I need to stop thinking about them. I am already a negative person, but these setbacks have made me even more negative, and I feel like I am the only one who has had them. It is not just certain people I compare myself to, I feel inferior to everyone because most people work and having a job is important. People my age are having kids or getting ready to start families, while I still need support myself with tasks. I just wonder, will I ever get to a point where I feel happier or satisfied with life? I want to do well and I am determined. I know things can change fast and other people’s situations are not always what they seem, but I should not rely on that to feel better. It should be good to see people doing well, and it is, but I just want to do well too.
The next steps for my wellbeing and mental health are to secure a paid role, which I need anyway and will help a lot, and to get some therapy like CBT or whatever is suitable. I have struggled to push myself to do therapy for years, I have accepted on and off that I need it but keep putting it off. It might sound like I am making excuses, but I am not, it is hard. I am genuinely trying to get into work, it is clear now, but I want to see real changes. Getting a job will change a lot of things I am unhappy with. I think therapy could help with other things too, but being out of work long term is likely to make most people feel down. I just feel a bit like crying with everything going on, and apart from here, I feel a bit alone. I am just grateful I have here where I can share how I feel every day and express my true feelings in detail. I am not judged here, and it is a special, rare, and tailored place for people struggling. I am also grateful that the community is very much here for me for a while because I am nowhere near ready to finish off yet, and I do hope that when that time eventually comes, I am ready. People say good things to me sometimes, but I find it hard to take in. Good things happen too, but I just feel like it’s not good enough and often compare them to others' achievements, wondering how I got here and how they got there.
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