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Life is shit and lonely
independent_
Community Champion Posts: 9,130 Supreme Poster
Can we just talk for a second about the loneliness and lack of confidence that comes with being disabled? I don’t feel like I’ll ever be good (or good enough) at anything. I’m not sporty anymore, I’m not academic, I’m not lucky. I’m just your average 22 year old who, if i were to just have functional eyes, would probably be working in a minimum wage practical type job because it seems all I am good at is practical things. I don’t feel like I have much support either. Confidence is shot to bits because I have absolutely no purpose or routine in life. I tried volunteering for a helpline but it wasn’t for me. I couldn’t cope with it. It was about the only thing I felt I might be able to do and knowing I can’t is disheartening and I don’t know how to fix this. I have no routine, my sleep is fucked and I’m feeling lost. Any big steps in life like trying to move out etc feel so overwhelming because atm I’m hardly leaving the house. I feel like a retired old person but without the accomplishment of having worked for 50 years behind me.
This is not even beginning to mention the multiple mental health issues and traumas. Even without those my life is empty. It’s boring. I hardly even have any hobbies because I can’t find anything that interests me. Even looking at jobs is horrible because the ones I could do wouldn’t want me, and the ones that might want me are way beyond anything I will ever feel I can do. I’ve stuck to moderating forums and groups because apparently I’m good at making sure other people behave.
It’s a rant. But a rant I could have every minute of every day. I would say I hope someone can relate, but it’s not a feeling I would wish on even my worst enemy - everyone deserves to feel they’re getting something out of life. I write this because I’m facing another week alone, doing very little, sitting in the house.
This is not even beginning to mention the multiple mental health issues and traumas. Even without those my life is empty. It’s boring. I hardly even have any hobbies because I can’t find anything that interests me. Even looking at jobs is horrible because the ones I could do wouldn’t want me, and the ones that might want me are way beyond anything I will ever feel I can do. I’ve stuck to moderating forums and groups because apparently I’m good at making sure other people behave.
It’s a rant. But a rant I could have every minute of every day. I would say I hope someone can relate, but it’s not a feeling I would wish on even my worst enemy - everyone deserves to feel they’re getting something out of life. I write this because I’m facing another week alone, doing very little, sitting in the house.
“Sometimes the people around you won’t understand your journey. They don’t need to, it’s not for them.”
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Comments
Thank you so much @TheNightmare. That means a lot.
It really is getting me down lately. I just feel really low about it. And I’ve had depression for as long as I can remember, and it’s not a road I want to go back down, but it’s hard not to when life is like this.
I hear you, and I can honestly relate. It’s really tough when things feel like they’re going nowhere, and I get how easy it is to slip back into that mindset. You’ve been dealing with so much, and it’s completely understandable to feel low about it. But you’re not alone in this, and you don’t have to go through it all by yourself. Even though it’s hard, you’ve kept pushing forward, and that says a lot about your strength. Youve even been supportive to me and others in community. If you ever need to talk or just vent, I’m here.
I really do hear and feel you @independent_ . I feel very similar to you. Having autism, learning disabilities and having been bullied a lot its so isolating.. no matter how much you do for yourself and you think it's an achievement it never feels good enough when you compare it to others. The worst enemy in this though is comparing to others - don't! Do what you can
For me volunteering for a charity helpline was my lifeline and still is. Yes I fins it hard at times but this was the only place where I felt understand my autism and let me be me.. find things that embrace your differences and difficulties (as my doc says) abut it helps although very hard to find..
I'm on this journey as well with you...
@Invisible_me thank you so much. In a weird way I’m glad I’m not alone, though I’m sorry to hear you’re feeling the same.
I’m really glad the volunteering helped you. It helped me for the first year or so, but then things changed when something traumatic happened. It was like the way my brain was wired changed and I struggled a lot more with the fast paced nature of it. I found some of the situations people came through with really close to home for one reason or another. I didn’t feel I could help them as I didn’t feel I could say the right thing. After all we are supposed to be impartial and I couldn’t be. I would take things home afterwards. And I struggled with the fact I couldn’t just tell someone “I know how you feel” like we can in peer support. It was hard. But I had to stop. I really hoped I would get more out of it, and had what happened not happened I would probably still be doing that. But that is just my story with it and so many people do find it helpful. If that makes sense at all.
I find some chat breaks hard because I feel like I have no one to talk to and evenings are really long.