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tw for whole post // eating disorder
struggling0_0
Posts: 138 The Mix Convert
!!!pls do not read any further unless reading about eating disorders is ok for you to do:)!!!
i have struggled with eating for most of my life. growing up i was always just seen as a fussy eater because i didn’t like most foods (still do not), though there was more to it than just not liking food. i’ve had a fear of food for a long time - i also hate textures, i can’t deal with food touching each other. i hated primary school lunch times as i had a family member who worked there supervising lunch so they could easily tell my mum. i didn’t really like most of the food they offered but it was also hard with packed lunch too as i dont like sandwiches, wraps or anything that is a typical lunch. once i got to secondary school, it was great, i didn’t have to eat. i could’ve pretend that i had lunch when i didn’t and no one was going to run to my mum to tell her. i have so many memories of sitting at the table to the left of the door with my friends while they all had lunch, asking me to just eat something. i very rarely would’ve eaten something though. at college, it’s been even better as no one at all is monitoring what you eat in any way - i can ‘go get food’ but just go for a walk or go to the library etc in reality.
for the last few years, i’ve struggled more with the impacts of it i suppose? i’m constantly tired and feel so weak. i have went to the gp a number of times about it and genuinely feel like im talking to myself 98% of the time. they have done blood tests, in february 2023 they discovered my vitamin b12 was low and waited all the way until december 2023 to act on that🙄then in june 2024 they discovered my vitamin b12 was still low, and additionally my folic acid & vitamin d was also low - this was based on blood tests requested by a gp who advised me none of it was real, it was just imaginary and all in my head… as of february 2025, i am still taking folic acid and vitamin d tablets although they’d said my vitamin b12 wasn’t back to the right level as of yet though took me off the medication for it (that happened in september 2024).
i am so so so sick of it, constantly feeling tired and so weak; i’ve also noticed in the past few years too that when i get a simple cold or something it literally takes me out - my mum & sister will get over it sooo fast and im properly taken out by it. i went back to see a gp again in january 2025, she was so lovely and i thought she could be great but not really:( she basically advised me it was due to how i feel mentally and that i should exercise more. she done blood tests and put me back on folic acid (i forgot to order more of it in november 2024 so didn’t take it for a month or so just).
a gp did refer me to cmht in september 2023 however it was refused based upon my bmi, i got no support because my bmi is ok - its so unfair how they are basing it solely off bmi as that is SO wrong. after talking to beat, i literally showed the gp what they told me to about the NICE guidelines or whatever it is - he just kinda looked at it like “ok but why are you showing me this?”. it didn’t get me anywhere further.
i don’t know what to do anymore, i genuinely don’t. i am allowed on email per month with beat as they put me on a reduced contact plan a couple years ago now. they send one response and it is usually super unhelpful. i contacted eating disorder association ni, they claim to have a 24 hour helpline, you genuinely couldn’t write it, my call was answered with “i’m just out doing my shopping now, i’ll give you a call back whenever im home again” and i was lost for words to be honest haha but i then did meet with a person there and she effectively told me it was my own fault i have no support which was really not very helpful.
i think it’s so so silly how after blood tests they’re seeing my body is deficient then just putting me on medication while ignoring the actual cause? i don’t know what else to do, i can’t keep wasting my time / doctors time with going to the gp even though it really does affect my everyday life - i used to play sports, i don’t think my body could handle that anymore:/ i do often go for walks though. the only place i haven’t tried is a&e, but that’s purely because i dont at all think it is something for a&e (but to fair, i could be run over by a bus and be like “no no it’s ok i’ll just make a doctors appointment in the morning” because i have such a fear of wasting their time) though im lost for what i do if doctors wont do anything thats helping and community mental health team dont accept the referral as my bmi is ok. im so sick of it:(
Mod Edit: Post was previously deleted but has now been restored
i have struggled with eating for most of my life. growing up i was always just seen as a fussy eater because i didn’t like most foods (still do not), though there was more to it than just not liking food. i’ve had a fear of food for a long time - i also hate textures, i can’t deal with food touching each other. i hated primary school lunch times as i had a family member who worked there supervising lunch so they could easily tell my mum. i didn’t really like most of the food they offered but it was also hard with packed lunch too as i dont like sandwiches, wraps or anything that is a typical lunch. once i got to secondary school, it was great, i didn’t have to eat. i could’ve pretend that i had lunch when i didn’t and no one was going to run to my mum to tell her. i have so many memories of sitting at the table to the left of the door with my friends while they all had lunch, asking me to just eat something. i very rarely would’ve eaten something though. at college, it’s been even better as no one at all is monitoring what you eat in any way - i can ‘go get food’ but just go for a walk or go to the library etc in reality.
for the last few years, i’ve struggled more with the impacts of it i suppose? i’m constantly tired and feel so weak. i have went to the gp a number of times about it and genuinely feel like im talking to myself 98% of the time. they have done blood tests, in february 2023 they discovered my vitamin b12 was low and waited all the way until december 2023 to act on that🙄then in june 2024 they discovered my vitamin b12 was still low, and additionally my folic acid & vitamin d was also low - this was based on blood tests requested by a gp who advised me none of it was real, it was just imaginary and all in my head… as of february 2025, i am still taking folic acid and vitamin d tablets although they’d said my vitamin b12 wasn’t back to the right level as of yet though took me off the medication for it (that happened in september 2024).
i am so so so sick of it, constantly feeling tired and so weak; i’ve also noticed in the past few years too that when i get a simple cold or something it literally takes me out - my mum & sister will get over it sooo fast and im properly taken out by it. i went back to see a gp again in january 2025, she was so lovely and i thought she could be great but not really:( she basically advised me it was due to how i feel mentally and that i should exercise more. she done blood tests and put me back on folic acid (i forgot to order more of it in november 2024 so didn’t take it for a month or so just).
a gp did refer me to cmht in september 2023 however it was refused based upon my bmi, i got no support because my bmi is ok - its so unfair how they are basing it solely off bmi as that is SO wrong. after talking to beat, i literally showed the gp what they told me to about the NICE guidelines or whatever it is - he just kinda looked at it like “ok but why are you showing me this?”. it didn’t get me anywhere further.
i don’t know what to do anymore, i genuinely don’t. i am allowed on email per month with beat as they put me on a reduced contact plan a couple years ago now. they send one response and it is usually super unhelpful. i contacted eating disorder association ni, they claim to have a 24 hour helpline, you genuinely couldn’t write it, my call was answered with “i’m just out doing my shopping now, i’ll give you a call back whenever im home again” and i was lost for words to be honest haha but i then did meet with a person there and she effectively told me it was my own fault i have no support which was really not very helpful.
i think it’s so so silly how after blood tests they’re seeing my body is deficient then just putting me on medication while ignoring the actual cause? i don’t know what else to do, i can’t keep wasting my time / doctors time with going to the gp even though it really does affect my everyday life - i used to play sports, i don’t think my body could handle that anymore:/ i do often go for walks though. the only place i haven’t tried is a&e, but that’s purely because i dont at all think it is something for a&e (but to fair, i could be run over by a bus and be like “no no it’s ok i’ll just make a doctors appointment in the morning” because i have such a fear of wasting their time) though im lost for what i do if doctors wont do anything thats helping and community mental health team dont accept the referral as my bmi is ok. im so sick of it:(
Mod Edit: Post was previously deleted but has now been restored
Post edited by Katie on
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