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Consented referal/advocacy
Invisible_me
Posts: 225 Trailblazer
Hello..
So I have been in contact with a helpline and over these years of contact ive disclosed certain stuff. Alongside my autism diagnosis they feel further support is needed both me and my family. Theyre concerned if "emotional abuse " but I dobt feel it is yes when things are bad which can be at varying frequency thry can put me down, swear, call me a burden and all those things but I just think that given its not everyday all the time it's not abuse. They're also fel mum needs further support for her mental health because she has made comments if "going away", several tears ago ran away to train station but she was found in distress and even now at times shell go without eating or leaving home.
Therefore they are wanting to make a referral to adult social care or speak to my GP abd explain what'd going on to her so that the dhr can deal with this. However, I'm scared to allow them to speak to my GP.
Mt GP I do like get along with and she still sees me despite not seeing patients anymore so we have got a relationship i think, and i roughly see her a couple of times a yearm she knows my autism abd struggles and while she probably has a feel that I don't feel my parents are support if my autism she isn't aware of the stuff that goes on at home.
I'm not at risk and nor if it a household full of emotional abuse bu it can be a difficult environment.
I'm unsure whether to let this service go ahead with this referral as scared what wojld happen next but also what gp/ other reception staff, care coordinator would think. Like o knlw the concerns would be passed to gp but reception would pick it up first so theyll knoe its about me and from this charity helpine. Then the care coordinator woukd find out.
Also how does safeguarding abd home environment relat to gp (could be because if MH concerns for mum and my) . I've asked to see my doc as a follow up from after holiday (seeing I cancelled my jan app) and I'm seeing her wed- hope the weather doesn't play up though, )
Its difficult things were really bad before Christmas but since we've come bavk from holiday It's not been too bad other than ummm.
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So I have been in contact with a helpline and over these years of contact ive disclosed certain stuff. Alongside my autism diagnosis they feel further support is needed both me and my family. Theyre concerned if "emotional abuse " but I dobt feel it is yes when things are bad which can be at varying frequency thry can put me down, swear, call me a burden and all those things but I just think that given its not everyday all the time it's not abuse. They're also fel mum needs further support for her mental health because she has made comments if "going away", several tears ago ran away to train station but she was found in distress and even now at times shell go without eating or leaving home.
Therefore they are wanting to make a referral to adult social care or speak to my GP abd explain what'd going on to her so that the dhr can deal with this. However, I'm scared to allow them to speak to my GP.
Mt GP I do like get along with and she still sees me despite not seeing patients anymore so we have got a relationship i think, and i roughly see her a couple of times a yearm she knows my autism abd struggles and while she probably has a feel that I don't feel my parents are support if my autism she isn't aware of the stuff that goes on at home.
I'm not at risk and nor if it a household full of emotional abuse bu it can be a difficult environment.
I'm unsure whether to let this service go ahead with this referral as scared what wojld happen next but also what gp/ other reception staff, care coordinator would think. Like o knlw the concerns would be passed to gp but reception would pick it up first so theyll knoe its about me and from this charity helpine. Then the care coordinator woukd find out.
Also how does safeguarding abd home environment relat to gp (could be because if MH concerns for mum and my) . I've asked to see my doc as a follow up from after holiday (seeing I cancelled my jan app) and I'm seeing her wed- hope the weather doesn't play up though, )
Its difficult things were really bad before Christmas but since we've come bavk from holiday It's not been too bad other than ummm.
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marriage talks beginning (but have been quiet for a week)
2
Comments
Your other option, I suppose, would be to speak to your GP yourself about these concerns. However it is worth collaborating with the service. It might be that if you do it yourself you have more control over what happens if that’s something you want.
On the other hand, having the referral might push the social care services/GP into offering you more support, so it’s entirely up to you. But make sure you get all the information you can before agreeing to anything.
Should clarify these are just my thoughts and what I would do in this situation. Your situation and what you’re comfortable with might well be different
I'm. Not sure what would a happen if I didn't give consent but I mean I don't think they could do much, they are wanting to do this to get more support rather than im at immediate risk I imagine.
Yeah I think I'd rather have control over the situation than not byt like them.doing it likewise could mean more action is taken but then whether that Is something g I want im not sure as it could lead to backlash.
I'm.due to see the doc on wed whether I actually go is a different matter (I've seen the weather may be bad) and then uts worry of getting there..
Im just hoping on your thread and I have to echo what independent_ said its all about what your comfortable with.
I know you mentioned your scared what it will mean if you allow this charity to put in a referral - is this something you could gain clarity on from the charity before you agree to the referral being made? (I'd you haven't done so already)
I understand where your coming from of wanting to have control over the situation but I guess your scared of further action being taken like safeguarding you - is this right in what im saying?
All is can say if from experience they should only safeguard you if they felt you were at risk of harm from yourself or other and were unable to keep yourself safe from this. I hear that the charity believe there's 'emotional abuse' happening but you don't see it as that due to it not happening often/daily.- from their perspective this would potentially be the only thing they'd put a safeguarding thing in place, but if you explain your perspective it might help them see a bigger picture.
I do hope your appointment goes well on Wednesday, and know you have a community who will be here to support you.
Also I'm just a message away if you need to talk or vent about anything ❤️
So what they have said, I that theys calk or email in GP their concerns surrounding situation at home with parents swearing, putting me down etc not being understanding toward my autism and the concerns over mum mental health- with her having days of not eating and me needing to encourage her abd that she has ran away from the home and "possibly attempted " in the past.
Abs so therefore that is my worry od what woukd hapoen also like if she was to turn speak to mum aboyt these concerns what after effects this woukd gave. Sometimes when lime mum says to me 'I wish I'd have doc checking in on me like she does to you, she obviously had plenty of tine for you' and I say "well I'll sure i could tell her to call you" she's like "no dont you dare do that. "
Also I'd rather have control, especially when I feel the organisation night be getting the OTT impression because I've spoken to them aboyt this a few times. But like things st moment have calmed down to 2-3 x week before I went away it was like 5-6x week.
I'm so sorry to hear your appointment went badly. It's completly understandle that you don't want to be vulnerable and open up again when things do go badly and not how we expected them to go.
If you dont mind me asking what happned with the doctor who had been supportive of you? Did something happen in the appointment that changed things with them? You don't have to answer these if its uncomfortable.
Take care of yourself ❤️ sending hugs 🫂
I was vulnerable. I told her what's going on and how upset ans anxious it makes me feel. Everything else I can justify perhaps but how when an issue could be flagged as safeguarding she flipped it and agrees it to it. "Dont you come crying to me"
But then i guess maybe shes thinking of when i get married to a supportive person when actually the person is unaware of my autism and worst all his only temp visa for uk ( she doesnt know)
Is she taking the micky of joe vulnerable ive been.
I can hear just how hurtful and insensitive you felt your GPs words were, and how alone and unheard the appointment left you feeling. That sounds extreamly hard, and painful also to feel that someone was mocking your vulnerability. No one has a right to treat you this way, and you deserve to have all of your feelings taken seriously.
Would you feel comfortable sharing some more about what these conversations usually look like, and what your family usually say/ what they expect for you?
Again, it sounds like you felt extreamly misunderstood by your GP when you opened up about these marriage conversations, and ultimately, it felt like a betrayal when she said: 'Don't come crying to me'. You were trying to seek help from a professional and it took a huge amount of courage to open up like you did. Your vulnerability deserved to be met with professionalism and kindness.
Since the GP appointment, how have you been feeling day-to-day in terms of your mental health? It sounds so isolating to be coping with this on your own. I wonder if there has been anyone else in your life who you feel safe with and who you've been able to talk to about what happened?
It is so positive that you have been contacting the Helpline for support with your home-life and how things feel with your family sometimes. Being put down, sworn at, or called a burden by your family sounds really upsetting, and at the same time, we hear you when you say that you wouldn't define this behaviour as abuse.
I will share some further support resources below if you did ever wish for more help around this:
Is This Ok? Is an organisation that supports young people with anything you are worrying about or finding difficult covering a wide range of topics. If it is something you feel like you can't speak to anyone else about, they are there for you. They can also support you if you are worried that someone else is being badly treated or abused. They have a chatbot which can support you with advice and information 24/7. Is This Ok? use a chat-bot as an easy way of identifying the support you need. The chat-bot will be able to give you advice and information 24/7. You will then have the option to be transferred through to a trained chat advisor who will be able to listen and provide non-judgemental support. Their specialist advisers are available to chat to from 2:30pm-9:30pm Monday to Thursday and 4pm-11pm Friday, Saturday and Sunday. They are a completely anonymous service and won't ask you for any personal information. They are a service mainly for 13-18 year olds, but if you are slightly older than this and present an issue that they can support with, they will try and help. Their website is https://www.isthisok.org.uk/.
There is an organisation called Family Lives which offers information, advice, guidance and support on any aspect of parenting and family life, including bullying. You can call them at 0808 800 2222 on Monday to Friday 9am-9pm and Saturday to Sunday 10am-3pm. They also run an online forum and have a webchat service on their website: www.familylives.org.uk open on weekdays 1:30pm - 9pm. You can also email askus@familylives.org.uk
Thinking about the next few days or weeks, what kind of support do you think you'd like to see for yourself ideally? How have you been taking care of yourself too?
We are here for you without judgement, @Invisible_me , and want to listen. It feels like this week might have been very hard. Please take all the time you need.
Maybe I pushed the 'boundary' and told her about things that I shouldn't have!! Maybe I am a nuisance and telling the doc things that aren't physical health concerns, therefore thry shouldnot be said.😢
I'll carry on in my own!! For as long as I can...
How have you been coping day--to-day since the appointment itself?
We're all here for you and we're listening
Hi @Sian321
Thanks for reply. Im trying to distract myself with work and that , while I had some work hours but its still at back of my head and when it gets to me it makes me feel so bad and unsupported and those moments are even harder to manage now.
I've sent a DM though.