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feeling silly - tw// self harm
shannon_164
Community Champion Posts: 1,015 Wise Owl
hey:)
the past few days have been struggling a lot and as mentioned in the title, i ended up self harming. i am safe at the moment.
today in class though, a teacher was handing out some pages to each of us in the middle of teaching, she was still explaining as she handed them out and noticed the bandage on my arm and then quietly said to me “what happened to your arm”, i didn’t want to announce self harm to my whole class, or even for the people nearby me to hear so i just responded with “oh im fine”.
i don’t know why this has got me so much:/ to the point it’s been my only focus since - even at lunch, one of the other teachers i have had spoke to me as i passed by her, she literally called my name a few times and yeah i just ignored her unintentionally - i then finally reacted and was like “oh hi” and i sorta feel bad because i just hadn’t acknowledged her at first then just said “oh hi”.
this all feels sooo silly because it really wasn’t that big of a deal but yeah im just being dramatic i guess:/
the past few days have been struggling a lot and as mentioned in the title, i ended up self harming. i am safe at the moment.
today in class though, a teacher was handing out some pages to each of us in the middle of teaching, she was still explaining as she handed them out and noticed the bandage on my arm and then quietly said to me “what happened to your arm”, i didn’t want to announce self harm to my whole class, or even for the people nearby me to hear so i just responded with “oh im fine”.
i don’t know why this has got me so much:/ to the point it’s been my only focus since - even at lunch, one of the other teachers i have had spoke to me as i passed by her, she literally called my name a few times and yeah i just ignored her unintentionally - i then finally reacted and was like “oh hi” and i sorta feel bad because i just hadn’t acknowledged her at first then just said “oh hi”.
this all feels sooo silly because it really wasn’t that big of a deal but yeah im just being dramatic i guess:/
Post edited by Sian321 on
5
Comments
glad to hear your safe at the moment and sending you lots of hugs
Hi,
Well done for reaching out. Self harm can be an isolating thing to talk about but im pleased you are able to reach out to this community.
I understand what you mean, but try not to overthink it. It's okay? Sometimes we all miss people who are talking to us and then suddenly we are like oh sorry.. - im sure they will understand and you still said hi to them.
She probably asked out of concern and its completely okay if you didn't say then, don't think anyone would expect it when there's a class full of people. Even if it wasn't self harm and something else people still wouldnt be comfortable disclusing with everyone around.
It's good your safe and taking care of wounds! This is so important to do and remember you are important as well!! 💛
Do you have any support for this?, don't suffer alone..
i know that she didn’t have bad intentions but i guess she could’ve just picked a better time to ask?
i just feel so frustrated with myself i guess?
i do see a psychologist and she has been super helpful, and sooo understanding too - she is amazing!!
That's good she's helpful...
Why you feel frustrated? Don't feel frustrated at self harming it's understandable but uts your coping strategy ans we all cope in different ways yes while self harm isn't a healthy way of coping it's your way for now and your getting support to find healthier ways of coping.. it takes time to break a habit but the more you try sh coping mechanisms the easier it will become..
thank you again🩷
It sounds like things might have felt hard towards the start of this week and you had SHed again. I'm really glad to hear that you're safe and feeling well supported by your psychologist (who sounds lovely btw!), and at the same time, recognise that doesn't take away from how intense experiencing SH can feel sometimes, or the complicated feelings that can come up when someone else notices like your teacher
The following places are here for you if ever you are struggling with SH:
Mind is a UK-wide mental health charity and on their website they list multiple online games which you might find soothing to play when coping with distressing thoughts and feelings. Online games such as puzzles or drawing tools might provide a safe and positive distraction. You can find out more here: https://www.mind.org.uk/need-urgent-help/how-can-i-distract-myself/games-and-puzzles/.
Struggling to talk in your therapy sessions makes so much sense too, and I can relate to this. Sometimes its hard to think so quickly when someone is sat right there opposite and it feels like they're waiting. I wonder if you've found anything that helps you with this, such as being able to break eye-contact freely or using a fidget toy?
You deserve to be able to take the time you need to feel safe and find the words in your own time
That's understandable... have you tried writing things down and then reading of that or giving it to her to read! This van be a helpful technique!
Also, yes as suggested in before message, trying to take the focus away from eye contact can help.
Also don't worry she will understand it can be hard to think of answers and they'll wait for thus or prompt for this.