Worthless (TW for suicidal thoughts, mention of bullying)

AnonymousToe

I feel so absolutely worthless and insignificant. Everything is just made worse by me existing. I create extra work at uni because I need support, I’m a shit friend, a shit daughter and my sister hates me more than anyone in the world. I feel like everyone would be a lot happier if I didn’t exist.

At home people are horrible to me for no reason. My sister can’t stand my existence and I fucking hate it. She’s a lot younger than me but she’s the dominant one and she walks all over me. She reminds me of my childhood bully and it sets off my nightmares.

But at uni I don’t matter to anyone, I don’t belong and sometimes I go days without speaking to anyone.

I just feel like I don’t matter at all. I’m safe.

AnonymousToe

Also - I’m not allowed to react to the way people treat me. If I get upset by it then that’s my own fault and they’re even worse. I’m not emotionally stable enough for this

eylah

your not a shit friend or daughter. your dealing with so much and im rly sry that youre feeling like this. remember you can always msg me if you need anything bc you matter as a friend a sister and a person as a whole. pls never give up bc im always happy to help if i can. you matter also your feelings are valid

Sian321

Hey @AnonymousToe , thank you for your post. I'm so pleased that you could open up to us here, as it sounds like you're dealing with so much right now.

Your sister's behaviour towards you sounds really horrible, and I can hear that it triggers nightmares too about times in the past when you've been bullied. That sounds so frightening, and no one has a right to treat you this way. I wonder if anyone else in your home sees her behaviour? Is there anyone who might be able to help you set a boundary with her?

I can imagine it feels really lonely too having to go days at university without speaking to someone else, and the feeling of not belonging is so painful. I remember struggling to make friends at university throughout my first year, and that kind of isolation can get so heavy sometimes and leave you feeling really self-blaming. Again, thank you for your trust in sharing this, and we're here. We're listening. That fact that you're needing extra help at uni us valid, and you deserve to be supported. You are not a burden, @AnonymousToe

Thank you for letting us know that you are safe right now, however, at the same time, I can hear that things do feel serious and sometimes you feel like your very existance makes others unhappy. That's extreamly difficult, and you're doing so well to share what's on your mind. May I ask, how have you been keeping yourself safe in the hardest moments?

And if you were to ever feel unsafe, would you feel able to reach out to one of the crisis support services below?

The Mix's Crisis Messenger text service provides free, 24/7 crisis support across the UK. If you’re aged 25 or under, and are experiencing a personal crisis, are unable to cope and need support, you can text THEMIX to 85258. Their trained volunteer will introduce themselves, reflect on what you’ve said, and invite you to share at your own pace. You’ll text back and forth, only sharing what you feel comfortable with. They can deal issues such as Suicidal thoughts, abuse or assault, self-harm, bullying, relationship breakdown. You can find out more about it at https://www.themix.org.uk/get-support/speak-to-our-team/crisis-messenger

Papyrus is a confidential support and advice service for children and young people under the age of 35 who are experiencing thoughts of suicide, or anyone concerned that a young person could be thinking about suicide. The helpline number is 0800 068 4141. You can also text them on 077862 09697, email pat@papyrus-uk.org or go to www.papyrus-uk.org The helpline is open 24 hours a day 7 days a week, including Bank Holidays.

Samaritans are there for you 24/7. They offer a listening service and emotional support to anyone about any issue, with a special focus on suicidal feelings. You can call the helpline for free on 116 123 or email at jo@samaritans.org. You can also write them a letter and you can find details on their website. Some of their branches offer face to face services and you can find your local branch on their website. For more information you can go to www.samaritans.org

There is an organisation called Family Lives which offers information, advice, guidance and support on any aspect of parenting and family life, including bullying. You can call them at 0808 800 2222 on Monday to Friday 9am-9pm and Saturday to Sunday 10am-3pm. They also run an online forum and have a webchat service on their website: www.familylives.org.uk open on weekdays 1:30pm - 9pm. You can also email askus@familylives.org.uk

Keep us updated, @AnonymousToe , and please know we're here entirely without pressure or judgement. I agree with @eylah , you matter so much. Everything you are feeling is so valid

TheNightmare

Im so sorry with what your going through, I promise you, that you aren't aren't a shit person in any way. You're a great person, you're a great member of this community. Youre probably just going through a rough time but I promise youre great. I'm here in PMs if you need someone to talk to.

AnonymousToe

Oops, I didn’t mean to put this in general chat!! Sorry. In all my distress I messed it up. 😂
I’ve asked for it to be moved.
I’ll reply soon but thank you so much everyone
Feeling better now than I did before

shannon_164

hey @AnonymousToe - i’m really sorry to hear that you’re feeling this way. i know it might not change how you see things right now, but you do matter, so much more than you realise. the way you’re feeling isn’t a reflection of your worth; it’s a reflection of how much you’re struggling, and that’s not your fault. you’re such an amazing person that brings so much to this world, i promise🩷

needing support at uni doesn’t mean you’re a burden, it just means you’re human, and i promise, real friends don’t expect you to be perfect to deserve their care. i know it’s hard when home doesn’t feel safe or when loneliness makes everything heavier, but your existence isn’t the problem. the way people treat you isn’t a sign that you don’t deserve love, it’s a sign that they aren’t giving you the kindness and respect you deserve.

i hear you and im always here if you ever want to talk, even if it feels like no one sees you right now, i do. you’re not alone🩷

ellie2000

@AnonymousToe wat r u grateful for?

Riley_2001

You’re the absolute furthest thing from worthless or insignificant. I’m sorry you’re facing such harsh circumstances even with your family. You’re always wanted and truly cared for here by us all. Keep pushing on, you’re a beautiful soul and deserve to be happy in your life. You do matter very much. ☺️