TW Suicidal feelings

bignosegirly0

I’m unable to kill myself at the moment because I’m at the gym. But I can’t fucking do this anymore.

I’ve tried everything I can to handle my heavy emotions. But nothing is possible. I hate being autistic. I hate being ugly. I hate not being in control of my emotions. I hate being depressed all the fucking time. I just want to die. There is no hope in me getting better. I just wanna die because it gets worse.

eylah

are you safe? pls contact 999 if your in danger. you can always call 111 option 2 for your local mh crisis team. you deserve to be supported in such a difficult time. the mix can’t support you if your in active crisis or in danger. pls reach out if you need help.

bignosegirly0

@eylah hello. Thankfully I am safe. I’m no longer at the gym and at home. I’m feeling mildly better now and got out of my extreme emotional spiral.

eylah

ok im glad your safe im here if you need anything or need someone to talk to .

bignosegirly0

@eylah thank you so much 🫶

shannon_164

@bignosegirly0 i really do hear how difficult everything is feeling for you, and i’m proud of you for still being here🩷

i just wanted to hop on and say although you’ve shared that you feel safe, it does sound like you’re in a really dark place. i’m wondering if you have any support with how you’re feeling?

remember there are so many helplines out there too if you need them:

-shout 24/7: text ‘shout’ to 85258> https://giveusashout.org/

-samarians 24/7: call 116123 or webchat available on their website> https://www.samaritans.org/ni/

-papyrus 24/7: call 08000684141 or text 88247> https://www.papyrus-uk.org/

-calm 5pm-midnight: call 0800585858 or webchat available on their website> https://www.thecalmzone.net/

-suicide prevention uk 6pm-midnight: call 08005870800> https://www.spuk.org.uk/

-kooth 4pm-8pm: webchat available on their website> https://www.kooth.com/

-kellys heroes 6pm-9pm: webchat available on their website> https://kellysheroes.org.uk/

-knus 24/7: text ‘hello’ to 07700165687> https://knus.io/

sending you so much love🫶🏻

bignosegirly0

@shannon_164 hello, thank you for the resources. Yesterday, I contacted the SHOUT hotline and they were really helpful.

Currently I haven’t got any support for my intense emotions. Although I’ve visited therapy in the past, the main thing that’s stopped me from going again is my family.

However, yesterday, my family and I were talking about autism support groups. They know I struggle with intense emotions from autism, but they don’t know about my current struggles with suicidal ideation. And I would prefer it stayed that way because when professors has contacted my family, they yell at me, call me selfish, spoilt, childish and attention seeking.

I’m considering getting therapy for what I think I deeply struggle from is rejection sensitivity dsyphoria. I’ve sent a link to my dad yesterday, hoping it will explain my issues.

I just need to find a therapist who specialises in that topic, as well as autism.

shannon_164

@bignosegirly0 aw that’s good that you found shout helpful yesterday!

i imagine it must feel difficult for you not having any support at the moment - i really hope that you can get some soon as you are so deserving of support! i totally understand what you mean about preferring it to remain that your family are in the unknown about your struggles with suicidal ideation - you’re not being selfish or childish or attention seeking, how you feel is how you feel and that is valid🩷

it’s really good to hear that you’re exploring therapy again - i know it can be really difficult to do so i’m super proud of you!!! i hope that you’re able to find a therapist that can support you in the way that you need and you are so deserving of that🙂

eylah

how are you today? @bignosegirly0 ? i hope your ok