am I just being dramatic 😭

Hexgates

I often feel a lot of self hatred towards myself especially if lose my temper or accidentally hurt someone. I hurt people more on accident then on purpose. It is not abuse but accidentally elbowing or that kind of stuff when play fighting. Also I cut my wrists sometimes or when I'm in public dig my thumb nails into my skin, I always hide it but the few time s people have asked about the wounds I blame it on something else and lie. And I have only told one person but that person ended the friendship that I had with him pretty soon. Now I have distanced myself from a lot of friends 😔 I have been ghosted by so many friends and sometimes think about killing myself or wishing that I wasn't born because it would probably be better for everyone. My dad is quite narcissistic so I dont feel able to ever open up to him and we are tight on money so we cant afford therapy and my parents are having troubles with their marriage and I don't trust my siblings with hardly anything. Am I just being dramatic bc I often think that I am and loathe myself for that.