(TW: Suicide) am I just being dramatic 😭

Hexgates

I often feel a lot of self hatred towards myself especially if lose my temper or accidentally hurt someone. I hurt people more on accident then on purpose. It is not abuse but accidentally elbowing or that kind of stuff when play fighting.

And I have only told one person but that person ended the friendship that I had with him pretty soon. Now I have distanced myself from a lot of friends 😔 I have been ghosted by so many friends and sometimes think about killing myself or wishing that I wasn't born because it would probably be better for everyone. My dad is quite narcissistic so I dont feel able to ever open up to him and we are tight on money so we cant afford therapy and my parents are having troubles with their marriage and I don't trust my siblings with hardly anything. Am I just being dramatic bc I often think that I am and loathe myself for that.

Sian321

Hi @Hexgates , how are you doing today? I wanted to check in as it sounds like things have been really hard lately, and you've been feeling a lot of self-hatred

You're doing really well to open up about this here, because that can feel hard esspecially if we're worried that our feelings might not be valid. I'm really pleased you've decided to make this post, and can assure you that from my perspective non of what you've shared is 'dramatic'. It feels like you've had to cope with a lot on your own lately - with friends pulling away, not being able to open up fully to your dad or siblings, and the struggling to access therapy too. That's a lot to hold.

Being ghosted by friends can be an extreamly painful thing to go through. Would you feel comfortable sharing some more about this person?

TW: Suicide

You also mentioned that there are moments you think about killing yourself, and again, thank you for your trust in opening up about this. That sounds overwhelming, and we're hear to listen

I wonder, how safe are you feeling currently - both emotionally and physically?

In some of the hardest moments where you do think of suicide, how have you been able to keep yourself safe so far, or what tends to be helpful in expressing those feelings safely?

I'll share some resources below if helpful:

There's a free mobile app called distrACT, it's available on the App Store (Apple) and Google Play (Android). The app gives you easy, quick, and discreet access to information and advice about self-harm and suicidal thoughts. The content has been created by doctors and experts in self-harming and suicide prevention. You can find out more here https://www.expertselfcare.com/distract/

Papyrus is a confidential support and advice service for children and young people under the age of 35 who are experiencing thoughts of suicide, or anyone concerned that a young person could be thinking about suicide. The helpline number is 0800 068 4141. You can also text them on 077862 09697, email pat@papyrus-uk.org or go to www.papyrus-uk.org The helpline is open 24 hours a day 7 days a week, including Bank Holidays.

Samaritans are there for you 24/7. They offer a listening service and emotional support to anyone about any issue, with a special focus on suicidal feelings. You can call the helpline for free on 116 123 or email at jo@samaritans.org. You can also write them a letter and you can find details on their website. Some of their branches offer face to face services and you can find your local branch on their website. For more information you can go to www.samaritans.org

The Mix's Crisis Messenger text service provides free, 24/7 crisis support across the UK. If you’re aged 25 or under, and are experiencing a personal crisis, are unable to cope and need support, you can text THEMIX to 85258. Their trained volunteer will introduce themselves, reflect on what you’ve said, and invite you to share at your own pace. You’ll text back and forth, only sharing what you feel comfortable with. They can deal issues such as Suicidal thoughts, abuse or assault, self-harm, bullying, relationship breakdown. You can find out more about it at https://www.themix.org.uk/get-support/speak-to-our-team/crisis-messenger.

If free therapy is also something you're looking for, we can share some options with you. How would that sound?

Keep us posted, @Hexgates , and we're here with you. It can feel awful when we hurt others unintentionally, and at the same time, there is something very human about that We're here to keep exploring this with you if you wish!

Hexgates

Thanks for your post i dont really want to dive too deep into the relationship with the guy. We were friends online for about 2 months and after about a month he ghosted me for a week, he didn't say why,but after that I was a little more reserved and less friendly, because I had just found out from one of my other friend's sisters that the reason her sister ghosted me was that I was too clingy I guess, just texting too much. So yah after I the guy i was texting too ghosted me well thought that i had ruined another relationship. He didn't like how reserved and not so friendly i was, but it often felt like when we text I was just trying to make him feel better about himself. Anyway yah on Thanksgiving he was like I dont like how you text me anymore I dont want to be friends anymore