I need advice

user123

Hi everyone

I was talking to this guy and basically he would just make sexual comments and I wasn’t interested in that.

My boyfriend now messaged me for the first time the same day I was talking to this other guy and that was the last day me and this other guy communicated. I’m a very loyal person and I want to give my full attention to somebody.

I just feel this sense of guilt that communication took place on the same day with both of them. I feel really worried I haven’t been honest with my boyfriend.

All I said to my boyfriend was that there was this guy who would just make sexual comments etc and I wasn’t interested in it.

I engaged a bit in conversation with this other guy but I never would have done anything further and he knew this.

Have I been dishonest? Do I need to disclose any further details?
I would look like a lunatic to mention this now that it’s already passed and make it seem like a bigger deal than it is which is why I feel like I’m stuck.
Me and my boyfriend are together for 4 months now and this all happened in the summer.
Does anyone have any advice for me please? Thanks

Riley_2001

@user123 Hey. ☺️ Thank you for sharing your current situation with us, I can imagine it’s quite difficult for you. From my understanding and please do correct me if I’m wrong at all, but you and your current boyfriend weren’t together at the time of this communication with the other guy? As you said, you’re also a loyal person and want your now boyfriend to have all your attention. I don’t think you’ve been dishonest as you weren’t together at the time, though you did give a brief mention to what happened, which means you were honest about a conversation with another guy whom made sexual comments.

If you and your current boyfriend are happily together, then I don’t see much reason to mention it again, especially if it’s not causing any problems within your relationship and communication with you both is strong. It’s a lost chapter of someone you weren’t with and engaged in small conversation.

I wish you both a lovely and happy relationship. ☺️

user123

@Riley_2001 thank you for your reply!

Yes you are right we weren’t together then. I didn’t expect my now boyfriend to message me that day and I stopped communication with the other guy. I wasn’t talking to them both at the same other than that very first day my boyfriend popped up.

I just can’t stop thinking about this and that I haven’t disclosed the full truth. But if I were to mention it I would be making a big deal about it when this other guy just wanted sex that’s all he ever talked about and I wasn’t interested in engaging in that. So I don’t think I even have the choice of mentioning it because I would be making a huge deal out of it.

I’m annoyed I just didn’t say it in the first place but did it really matter anyway? I didn’t even know my boyfriends intentions the very first day he texted me.

With the other guy I messaged him that same day to say essentially I would flirt but I wouldn’t take anything beyond that and we never engaged after that day.

sinead276

I'd say from what I can gather from the messages above, I'd agree with Riley in that I think you have been honest with the situation and what you have disclosed to your current boyfriend. If the other guy happened before you and your boyfriend were like fully together, then I'd agree that if it isn't causing any major issues in your relationship, there isnt a need for you to bring it up again. you pretty much stopped communication with the other guy once your boyfriend messaged you (from what i have gathered) so it isn't like you have done anything to go behind anyones back - so i'd say you're all good.

i'd say try not to worry about the past and the other guy situation too much (easier said than done i know) - and try to just focus on the future and being happy with your current boyfriend, as i'm sure you both deserve that happiness

sending big hugs
Sinead

user123

@sinead276 thank you for your reply!! It’s just my boyfriend is so honest nearly overly honest and tells me everything. He also kissed someone while we were talking but he was honest about it? I feel like I’m holding something back that I haven’t been honest about that the first day he popped up to me my boyfriend, I was talking to the other guy later that day. But me and the other guy never spoke after it didn’t continue. Does this count as talking to them both at the same time in that sense? I just feel so guilty everytime I’m with my boyfriend but how would I say this without making it a massive deal?

sinead276

@user123 - i think its perfectly okay to feel this way. i personally would say you weren't really talking to them both at the same time. i'm gonna assume when your boyfriend first messaged you that day it wasn't like you got together same day officially, so you could have only presumed intentions and whether him messaging you would develop into the relationship you have now (correct me if i'm wrong in any of this). therefore i personally don't think you have done anything wrong or betrayed him in any way. plus like you said, you stopped contacting the other guy pretty much straight away so i'd say your fine.

however i know it's probably still something that weighs on your mind so if you still felt the need to, you could try having a gentle and calm conversation with your boyfriend about it. whether this be a "hey i need to talk to you about something that is weighing on my mind recently", then explain the situation, and how even though you haven't messaged the guy at all since being with your boyfriend, it is something you feel you need to get off your chest to help you enjoy the relationship you have with him even more.

whatever you decide to do it ultimately your decision to make, and know that we are all supporting you and here to help and offer more advice when you want/need it

user123

Hey @sinead276 you are correct me and my boyfriend didn’t become official that day or anything. I also was not sure of my boyfriends intentions until we started talking more. The thing that is weighing on my mind is that I maybe have down played my involvement in conversation with the other guy. The other guy was making sexual comments that’s all he talked about but I didn’t shut it down and engaged in it a fair bit but when it was clear that was all he wanted I didn’t want that. Should I maybe clear up with my boyfriend I did engage a bit? I just said to my boyfriend there was a guy who was only interested in sex and I removed him. I didn’t even remove the guy until a couple weeks ago I didn’t do it when he made them comments.