my attempt at recovery🙂

struggling0_0

i really want 2025 to be a positive year and give recovery my all but i am also that person that feels like they’ve ruined everything if i mess up one day:( i already feel like ive ruined the whole year because the first 4 days of january haven’t been super positive and productive. i know that not everyday can be a perfect day, no matter how good your mental health is you’re gonna have down days too so i know already i have super unrealistic expectations for myself - that’s what annoys me about me, everyone else i’m always like “your best is enough and that’s all anyone should expect” but when it’s me my best just isn’t ever enough:(

i feel like having something to hold me accountable in a way for trying to recover could be helpful, hence this thread!

struggling0_0

this week has been a bit of an eh week i guess?

tw// mentions of self harm & disordered eating

positives:
•tidied my room
•washed my hair
•went to doctors
•done some diamond art
•read some of a book
•reached out to samaritans
•joined chats

negatives:
•relapsed with self harm
•pretended to doctor i felt better than i do
•had an argument with family
•struggled with eating

since i tidied my room look at my little jellycat collection, (the little cloud and mushroom aren’t jelly cats though) hehehe

struggling0_0

today i managed to get up, change my bedding, have a shower, wash my hair and dry my hair all by 12pm yay

i think im just going to try and finish of the diamond art picture ive been working on all week and then maybe do some college work if im in the mood for it later:)

Orchid059

Hi @struggling0_0 I can hear your frustration to get better and to have a good year and it sounds like you're very self-aware with the expectations you place on yourself. It's important to remain patient with yourself at this time as your days won't always be consistent and as frustrating as this is, it is completely normal. You know yourself better than anyone so only you can decide what counts as a productive day, but my advice is, even when you do have a low day try and find the positives within it. I am so glad to hear that you have managed those things today- It's the little wins that keep us going and that is something to be proud of. If monitoring your day by day helps you come to terms with your emotions then keep doing it! You are doing so well

struggling0_0

hey @Orchid059 thank you for reading and replying to me♡

i really am sooo aware of the fact i expect too much from myself, i have been really trying to find positives in everyday no matter how bad of a day it is but sometimes it’s really hard:(

thank you so much i appreciate it!

Riley_2001

struggling0_0 wrote: »

today i managed to get up, change my bedding, have a shower, wash my hair and dry my hair all by 12pm yay

i think im just going to try and finish of the diamond art picture ive been working on all week and then maybe do some college work if im in the mood for it later:)

Sounds lovely, you should be proud of yourself. ☺️ Even if you did 0.5% more than yesterday that’s still progress. You also had more positives happen than negatives, plus a clean and tidy room. If you try, you never fail. (Love the collection by the way)

struggling0_0

@Riley_2001 thank you so much, i get what you mean 100% and that’s how i see it for everyone else but when it comes to me im like soooo hard on myself!!

struggling0_0

sooo update on my second week of january, it was a super bad week:/

TW// mentions of self harm

positives:
•sat my first exam
•signed up to go back to netball
•went to doctors
•seen my psychologist
•went to my group

negatives:
•my room is such a mess
•messed up my first exam
•struggled to talk to psychologist
•letter from cmht
•self harmed

i am really trying so so hard and want to get back into my sunday routine again properly where i would’ve went for a longggg walk along the beach n stuff, had a shower and washed my hair then done my skincare, done all my washing and then had a little movie night with my cat ready to start the next week but i just feel so low and it’s so difficult:(

Sian321

Hey @struggling0_0 , how are you this morning? thank you for your updates. Even while you are struggling, it feels good to be able to be alongside you in this as a Community and to know more about how life is feeling right now.

It sounds like this past week has been very hard, and it's left you really low That is so, so valid @struggling0_0 , particularly when coping with exam stress and finding it hard to open up to your psychologist. Those types of conversations can feel so daunting, esspcially if you've had negative expereinces in the past.

I think it's really lovely that you have also been able to celebrate yourself here for the things that have been positive, like the fact that you did go to see your doctor and psychologist even if talking was hard, and the fact that you got through your first exam! That's brilliant, @struggling0_0 , and it's so clear just how much energy and effort you have been putting into trying to ask for help and do things that are supportive and kind for yourself. Signing up to return to netball too sounds like a big step, so well done! - how are you feeling about that?

I hear what you're saying about feeling a bit frustrated with yourself (?) about being unable to follow your usual Sunday routiune, and at the same time, it makes sense that at the end of a really demanding week there's a part of you that just doesn't have the energy. I hope you can be gentle with yourself, @struggling0_0 , and we're here for you. For me personally, I like to try and have different 'levels' of my routines to match my energy. E.g. usually on a work evening I'll spend 1 hr cooking and reading whilst I eat, 1 hr doing house chores and life-admin tasks, then 1 hr doing something cosy like collaging or watching a TV show. But if I'm super tired, I might set a timer on my phone to do just 10 mins of house-work so that I can prioritise my cosy activity instead. I wonder if there's one part of your usual Sunday routine that feels good right now? E.g. maybe taking 10 mins to do your skin-care and making that your focus? Or sitting on a nearby bench with a flask of tea, rather than a long walk? Or prioritising cuddles with your cat and a nice movie?

It's okay to adapt these things when you're low on energy and it certainly doesn't have to mean you're failing or falling behind Our mental health can be like the weather - there are days where its stormy or dark, and just like we'd do when its raining, we can give ourselves permission to change our plans. I feel proud of you for all the positive you'd made happen this week, and all you're coping with. It can take a huge amount of energy and courage to stay afloat when we're struggling, and you're doing your very best