Negative experiences with helplines

Creativeboy23

Hello.

Yesterday, I had a pressing issue that I wanted to resolve at an advice agency, but the receptionist told me that all the staff were seeing clients and suggested coming back on Monday. I tried to call them today but could not get through at all, so I was left to find a solution myself.

I shared the situation with a mental health helpline. The call handler said it must have been frustrating but did not fully address the situation with me. She went straight to offering solutions. I did not feel she heard my pain enough. She told me I could sort my problem next week, so I thought she supported what happened. I shared this with her, and she responded that she could not comment on the organisation but did appreciate how my situation made me feel. She did not acknowledge why I may have thought she covered up my experience. As a result, I felt partially invalidated. The limitation on her ability to comment shifted the focus away from my experience, causing me to feel lonely and unsupported. Her comment felt like a personal attack.

I had a similar negative encounter with a crisis team. The call handler was problem-solving rather than focusing on my feelings first. She told me that I could not change my situation and to focus on the fact that I could sort it out on Monday. She mainly considered the other's perspectives of the incident, so she defended what happened. She did not fully acknowledge the urgency of my problem, making me feel invalidated. I thought I was being told I am not supposed to be feeling how I am anymore because the situation can be sorted next week. I expressed how I felt to her. She responded that she is neutral and does not invalidate others. She told me not to take my experience and what she said personally. I felt she criticised me for my emotional reaction. I had to reassure her I was not making it about me and often had to justify why I felt how I did instead of feeling heard and having the space to feel my emotions. I thought I was not entitled to voice my feelings.

I had to use another service again, which finally reduced my emotional pain because my experience was validated this time. However, the situations have still been bothering me. I am doing my best to cope, but I have tried to watch a programme to take my mind off the problem, and it has not helped.

Sian321

Hi @Creativeboy23 , how are you doing today? I wanted to check in because the above situation sounds really frustrating and stressful, particularly when you had been trying hard to resolve a pressing and urgent issue on Friday but then wern't able to access any support through the advice centre.

I really see what you're saying too about how invalidating it felt for both the mental health helpline call-taker and crisis team member to focus on problem-solving rather than feelings first. It sounds like you were really needing someone in that moment to simply listen, to empathise, and to appreciate your situation from your own perspective before trying to 'fix' anything. I can relate to that!

Would you feel comfortable sharing some more about the pressing situation you're dealing with? We're hear to listen if you wish too, though please know there's no pressure

Creativeboy23

Hello @Sian321.

I have still been hurting, even though venting to SHOUT has given me some relief.

Yes. It was frustrating and stressful. I needed someone to make me feel heard and try to understand my perspective before offering solutions. I am not really alone because you could relate, and there have probably been others who have faced what I did. However, I felt more alone because I did not get emotional support from the service either.

I do not want to work while being in supported living because it will affect some of my benefits. So, I wanted advice on what to do about my working benefits and work and health programme. I could have had more time to get advice that may have prevented me from attending my working benefits appointment on Monday and continuing to participate in the programme.

I know that I can go to the advice centre on Monday and get a suggestion from my support worker before my appointment. Nevertheless, it is still valid to be upset about the inconvenience caused.