(TW suicide) Suicide

bignosegirly0

MASSIVE FUCKING DISCLAIMER: THIS ISNT A RECENT ATTEMPT AND I AM SAFE AS I AM MAKING THIS POST

TW - Suicide
But ages ago,

I randomly decided I was gonna end my life at my workplaces toilet but I gave up and went back to my shift, shaking.

It’s depressing as hell, knowing you’ve got no escape and you have to head back to work, pretending nothing happened and you’re stuck with the same coworkers who’ve hurt you, enjoying their live and overall being happy, knowing you’ll never experience a great social/love life they experience.

Sian321

Hey @bignosegirly0, how are you doing today?

Thank you for this post, and for letting us know that you're currently safe. I'm very glad to hear that, though the memory you described sounds extreamly hard - reaching that point of crisis at work and yet, having to return to your colleagues as though nothing has happened when in reality you had just been through a life-threatening situation. Watching other people enjoy a kind of social/love life that you don't feel is possible for you also sounds so isolating. Like being trapped on the outside of a happiness that only others get to have and enjoy. That's an awful feeling.

What is it like for you to remember that day in your workplace? I wonder whether you ever received any support at that time?

I'm really greateful you are choosing to talk about this here, @bignosegirly0. You deserve to not have to carry these feelings alone.

sinead276

hey @bignosegirly0 and just wanted to say first of all - sending you a big hug and i'm glad youre still here with us. i pretty much agree with what Sian has said. it sounds really hard that first of all you felt so low, but then you had to return to work and act like everything was fine.

and incase you need to hear it today: just know that you are such an amazing person who is loved and appreciated - even if it doesn't always feel that way. whilst it can be hard to see others have the things in life you wish you had, your time will come (cliche i know - sorry!!) and things will start to look up. keep going you are amazing

bignosegirly0

@Sian321 hiya, sorry for the late response.

TW - Suicide

I felt so horrible after my attempt failed, because it meant that I had no escape.

And I didn’t open up to anyone about my attempt. Because if I did, then it’s likely they’ll snitch to my managers, then they’ll have to call my family, because obviously, that’s what workplaces are required to do. Then it’ll lead to a massive argument with my family, they’ll call me selfish, spoiled, an attention seeker etc.

As someone who’s struggled with years of self harm and suicidal thoughts/attempts, if I’m too honest when reaching out for help, it’ll get me in trouble with my family. Hence, it’s better for me to deal with my issues alone.

struggling0_0

@bignosegirly0 i totally get you on being in trouble if i’m too honest with helplines etc, it’s so unfair that we have to deal with it alone and can’t reach out for the help we actually need because of how our families will react:( always here for you♡

Orchid059

bignosegirly0 wrote: »

@Sian321 hiya, sorry for the late response.

TW - Suicide

I felt so horrible after my attempt failed, because it meant that I had no escape.

And I didn’t open up to anyone about my attempt. Because if I did, then it’s likely they’ll snitch to my managers, then they’ll have to call my family, because obviously, that’s what workplaces are required to do. Then it’ll lead to a massive argument with my family, they’ll call me selfish, spoiled, an attention seeker etc.

As someone who’s struggled with years of self harm and suicidal thoughts/attempts, if I’m too honest when reaching out for help, it’ll get me in trouble with my family. Hence, it’s better for me to deal with my issues alone.

Hi @bignosegirly0 it sounds like you are carrying a heavy load here. I can understand the difficulties of opening up to your family about it, and I am sorry to hear that this is the reaction you receive from them. No one should have to suffer in silence about this so I am glad you feel like you can open up to the community. We are always here to to listen to you- judgement free.