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Needing support and being declined [TW]
Lottie5433
Posts: 119 The Mix Convert
*context first*
I had a Mental health assessment this time last year where the community mental health team referred me to their eating disorders team despite that not being the reason for my inital referral to them (SH and SI) 🙄. Since this point I've been seeing the ED team for 10 months with it hopefully ending soon 🤞🏻
Since seeing the ED team it's address some issues I have around food, my thoughts and associated causes for me to develop these behaviours. However I feel like im failing in the treatment and feel as if the rest of my mental health is declining.
My thoughts towards food havent changed, find myself still purging everyday multiple times as well. It's all that goes round my head in the daily.
In addition for over a decade I've battled myself and its inner demons with self-harm and have littered my body - to which im ashamed of and feel embarrassed when others see them. This has increasing gotten worse in the last month or 2 but I am unable to fix this issue and address the trauma that caused this because the mental health teams don't want to see me whilst I'm working with the ED team.
Due to the unaddressed trauma and lack of support I have its lead to some more severe actions of trying to take my life on multiple occasions.
Because of all this thats gone on in had yet another MH assessment where they referred me to see their Complex Emotional Difficulties Team (CEDT) - as they believe I have a personality disorder due to the trauma looks like im just collecting the alphabet at this rate 😂 . However despite this urgent referral for support I was denied by CEDT without them even assessing me.
Since this my mental health has been rapidly declining but feel unable to reach out to either my therapist, GP or the CMHT for support. I just fear I'm too complex and difficult and that im longed to live a broken life.
Why do I have to be like this why cant I be normal and fixed without these issues
I had a Mental health assessment this time last year where the community mental health team referred me to their eating disorders team despite that not being the reason for my inital referral to them (SH and SI) 🙄. Since this point I've been seeing the ED team for 10 months with it hopefully ending soon 🤞🏻
Since seeing the ED team it's address some issues I have around food, my thoughts and associated causes for me to develop these behaviours. However I feel like im failing in the treatment and feel as if the rest of my mental health is declining.
My thoughts towards food havent changed, find myself still purging everyday multiple times as well. It's all that goes round my head in the daily.
In addition for over a decade I've battled myself and its inner demons with self-harm and have littered my body - to which im ashamed of and feel embarrassed when others see them. This has increasing gotten worse in the last month or 2 but I am unable to fix this issue and address the trauma that caused this because the mental health teams don't want to see me whilst I'm working with the ED team.
Due to the unaddressed trauma and lack of support I have its lead to some more severe actions of trying to take my life on multiple occasions.
Because of all this thats gone on in had yet another MH assessment where they referred me to see their Complex Emotional Difficulties Team (CEDT) - as they believe I have a personality disorder due to the trauma looks like im just collecting the alphabet at this rate 😂 . However despite this urgent referral for support I was denied by CEDT without them even assessing me.
Since this my mental health has been rapidly declining but feel unable to reach out to either my therapist, GP or the CMHT for support. I just fear I'm too complex and difficult and that im longed to live a broken life.
Why do I have to be like this why cant I be normal and fixed without these issues
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i really do understand being refused support and how frustrating it is - i had an assessment with cmht and was discharged immediately, i was then advised a few months later they were refusing another referral because i was improving which baffled me as they did not reassess me so i don’t know how they came to that conclusion lol then finally after 9 months of referrals they accepted another, and i was then just discharged again🙄i’ve been begging for support around eating for 2 years nearly as it’s impacting me so much and they deny it because my bmi is ok still which is so unfair as it’s so much more than your bmi!!! i’m at the same point of not wanting to reach out to the gp etc whenever i really should, i just see no point in it to be honest as realistically, ill be no further on!
i really hope you’re ok and get the support you need and deserve - you’re doing amazing and im so proud of you🫶🏻
It sounds like you have really been through the ringer trying to get yourself the different types of support that you deserve. It's a lot to talk to several different mental health professionals about different things you're struggling with (what you've mentioned in this post) for such a long amount of time as well.
You mentioned feeling shame from the self-harm scars, that is so valid but also important to acknowledge that at least in this space we welcome you and the pain you have experienced. You and your experiences are important, and it sounds like a lot of what you went through impacted you in some serious and lasting ways. You are not at all to blame for that. Going through this system of trying to figure out what help you need can easily make you feel like something is wrong with you for needing support and for the system that you feel is failing you. I think speaking from my own experiences, it was easy to feel like I was at fault when treatment methods weren't working for me such as medication or specific types of therapy. You don't deserve to feel that way, neither of us do. I hope you can read through these replies and see that you're not alone in feeling this way