Struggling

Chloe234

Idk its just hard. It feels like all im doing is acting with a smile that isnt even mine. I can barely get out of bed, i can barely eat without feeling sick, i can barely do the basics to live anymore and it kills me. All i wanna do is expload and tell everyone everything but theres so much i cant say to anyone because i cant risk the pain itd put everyone else through and everything it would cause. im just tired and im stuck like this.
Im just fucked up in the head and no matter what i do im forever gonna be like this. Its not fair i have to live in so much pain just for everyone else around me.

I don't think anyone understands how much it takes for me to get through one single day. It could even just be doing nothing, it still takes absolutely everything out of me. Having to live with a brain that never stops is so tiring. I wish there was a way to have a break from it all

shannon_164

@Chloe234 i know everything is super hard for you n i really do hear that from everything you have shared - im so proud of you for dealing with so much you’re SO strong!! always here if you need🩷

Orchid059

@chloe234 I can hear how difficult this is for you at the moment and I know it's so challenging at the moment, but you're here and you're fighting and that's amazing. It's easy to get wrapped up into the downward spiral of our thoughts and that's why it's important to try and distract when you get these difficult thoughts. Is there anything that you have done in the past that has worked for you when you get these thoughts? This could be getting out for some fresh air, going into a different room for a change of scenery, watching a film, listening to music, reading etc.

It sounds like you're battling yourself at the moment and our brains can be so cruel with the way they make us feel. You are worthy, you deserve happiness and you matter. Things will get easier and it won't always be this way. Have you reached out to any mental health professionals? Perhaps your local talking therapies service. Sometimes just talking to someone can lift the burden off your shoulders again and get you back to taking control over your life again.

You're so strong and you're definitely not alone in this. Keep reaching out for support whenever you need it

eylah

hey chloe i can hear how much pain your in and im so sry 💔i see how much your trying each day and im rly proud of what your doing to keep yourself here. is there anything you can try doing to try be kind to yourself? your a very special person chloe your the kindest person ever you rly are ❤️ you put others first instead of yourself im so grateful to call you my friend. remember do baby steps not all at once even if its brushing your hair or splashing water over your face that’s enough for one day. pls keep going chloe you deserve to have a happy life and i rly hope 2025 is your year. you got this ❤️ you can always msg me and ill reply as soon as i can but pls dont bottle things up bc you matter so much! ❤️

sinead276

@Chloe234 sending you the biggest hug. just wanted to echo what the replies above have said. we all know how amazing of a person you are - and a real key part of the community here. even being able to get it down onto your post is something you can be proud of. like the others have said, maybe there is something you can do to find small pockets of happiness throughout the day to day, even just little things that can put a smile on your face for a moment or two and help ease the struggles you are going through.

we are all super proud of you and here for you whenever you need us

Chloe234

Thankyou @shannonxg_

Chloe234

Thankyou @Orchid059

I dont know usually i just put up with it. I sometimes put on some music but thats usually just to try ignore them. Ive found that atm the only way i can sleep is to stick music on through my headphones otherwise i cant.

Yeah i have, ive got support from Camhs atm whos getting me to have weekly sessions from the 6th onwards for intense cbt with a psychologist which will be hard. Ik that itll likely make me worse for a while too because of all the stuff it brings up.

Chloe234

Thankyou @eylah

Idk i showered yesterday but that was only because i had to. I dont deserve kindness tho I doubt 2025 will be any better, i feel like itll just be another crappy year just like all the others. and thankyou, The same always goes for you too

Chloe234

Thankyou @sinead276

Chloe234

Thing is it just makes it so much worse with it being christmas eve/christmas tmmr. I spoke to my CAMHS worker yeserday but she took a lot of what i was saying kinda as a joke altho i guess she has to because otherwise she would need to be getting people sectioned often but it just hurt a little because there wasnt really any support given

shannon_164

@Chloe234 aw that’s so unfair that she took what you were saying as a joke, you deserve to have how you feel taken seriously so i’m really sorry that she done that:(

Chloe234

@shannonxg_ its hard because she honestly is amazing and i find it so easy to talk to her and i guess in a way with what i was saying she couldnt really take it fully serious and part of me is relieved she didnt but idk its a complicated one

Chloe234

Omg im so pathetic I started crying as soon as it turned to Christmas

shannon_164

@Chloe234 you’re not at all pathetic!! it’s a difficult time, and it is ok if you struggle at this time of year - i’m here if you need🩷

Chloe234

Thankyou @shannonxg_ my friend hasn't helped at all, it's been a whole friendship breakup basically but I haven't even dropped her yet because I don't wanna ruin her Christmas but her posting stuff for how thankful she is for all her college besties is just exactly what I wanna see. Not anything about me. I'm nothing to her anymore. Fucking give up

shannon_164

@Chloe234 aw:( i’m so sorry to hear that!

you really are such a caring and thoughtful person thinking about the impact it will have on her even though she has posted about how thankful she is for everyone but you.

i know it probably won’t mean very much and i get that, but you genuinely are such a lovely person and she is losing out on an amazing friend as you’re such an incredible person chloe, there is no one like you out there🩷

Chloe234

Just wanna be able to fucking sleep

Chloe234

This morning has been shit icl. Had about 2 hours sleep 2am - 4am so at 6am decided to try get some more which took me to 8am and when I woke up I sent out snap streaks and all I hear from my sister is "she's awake finally" "it's Christmas so she could atleast come down" and then my sister came up "I've been told to kick you up the arse so get downstairs"🙄

My dad and sister are in a pissy because I spilt my sisters coffee. Like yeah it's the end of the fucking world apparently. I'm already done with today and it's only 9:45am.

Dad got me a hoodie that I cannot stand the texture but I'm forcing myself to wear so I seem like I'm being greatful. He's also got tickets for us all to go see a band I don't even like in August and also I find concerts way too overwhelming.

I feel like I seem like I'm being really ungrateful which I don't mean to be but it's just a shitty day and idk it's all just building up

shannon_164

@Chloe234 i really do hear how you’re feeling which is very much valid - i wouldn’t at all say you’re being ungrateful though!!

i know it’s a super hard day for you so i hope it goes really quickly🩷

Chloe234

Thankyou @shannonxg_

On the way to the graveyard to visit my stepmoms grave, don't wanna but I guess I have to. Just gonna make me feel shitter

shannon_164

aw @Chloe234 that sounds super difficult! i’m sending so much love your way🩷

is there anything you can do to make yourself feel better, even if it’s only a little bit better?

i’m always here, if i can help in any way pls do let me know!

eylah

sending you so many hugs chloe i know ive said this before and will continue to say it but im so incredibly proud of you! your one of the few who i see have been through so much difficult stuff but have managed to get through it. im here if you wanna talk today ❤️ hugs 🫂

Chloe234

thankyou so much @eylah and @shannonxg_ im here for you both always too!!

Apoligies ive not really replied, i couldnt cope so had a bit to drink but ive sobered up now, i just feel so stupid for it

AnonymousToe

Hugs @Chloe234 sounds like it’s been a really hard day. None of it makes you stupid or ungrateful 🫂

shannon_164

@Chloe234 you don’t need to apologise!! it’s ok if you didn’t feel able to cope and none of what you’re feeling is stupid - it’s so so valid🩷

Chloe234

Had such a rough night last night, ended up being awake until 5am because I was struggling so much. Only just woke up but don't feel much better. I'm so tired of everything.

shannon_164

@Chloe234 i hope you’re ok - pls do reach out if you need support you are SO deserving of it!! here for you always🩷

Chloe234

Just turned around and dropped my best friend but it really shows how much she couldn't care less when all she sais is "you too" in reply.

shannon_164

@Chloe234 aw that sounds so difficult:( i can’t even imagine how you must be feeling but she’s lost a really amazing friend for sure!! we care about you🩷

briannat

Hello Chloe

Friendship breakups are awful, I'm sorry you're going through this right now. What have you been up to today?

Chloe234

briannat wrote: »

Hello Chloe

Friendship breakups are awful, I'm sorry you're going through this right now. What have you been up to today?

Bedrotting. Don't have energy for anything. In a pit of depression